{"file": "audio/vault/257_teamjesse_dex.mp3", "duration_sec": 150.5, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 4.84, "text": "Welcome to Team Jesse, where somebody always makes the mistake of talking trash about our guy."}, {"start": 4.84, "end": 7.6, "text": "Tonight's volunteer, Dex the crypto bro."}, {"start": 7.6, "end": 17.3, "text": "Let's hear the dumb thing they said."}, {"start": 17.3, "end": 18.7, "text": "Jesse, you're 50 and broke."}, {"start": 18.7, "end": 22.82, "text": "Elmao, I made six figures in Dojman while you were charging your sad little Tesla."}, {"start": 22.82, "end": 27.46, "text": "Have fun being poor boomer."}, {"start": 27.46, "end": 28.86, "text": "Oh, Dex the crypto bro."}, {"start": 28.86, "end": 29.54, "text": "Wrong room."}, {"start": 29.54, "end": 32.9, "text": "Boys, open fire."}, {"start": 32.9, "end": 37.38, "text": "This summer, one man turned his entire net worth into a JPEG of a frog."}, {"start": 37.38, "end": 41.1, "text": "Dex, your portfolio has more red than a crime scene."}, {"start": 41.1, "end": 42.78, "text": "Jesse's broke on purpose."}, {"start": 42.78, "end": 44.74, "text": "You're broke by algorithm."}, {"start": 44.74, "end": 47.22, "text": "Oh!"}, {"start": 47.22, "end": 51.22, "text": "Dex, you made six figures and lost seven."}, {"start": 51.22, "end": 52.62, "text": "That ain't invested."}, {"start": 52.62, "end": 55.86, "text": "That's gambling with extra steps and a hoodie."}, {"start": 55.86, "end": 60.86, "text": "Jesse's got three dogs that are a safer asset than your whole wallet."}, {"start": 67.39, "end": 70.43, "text": "Crypto bro, your diamond hands."}, {"start": 70.43, "end": 73.19, "text": "Their empty hands with a Robinhood app."}, {"start": 73.19, "end": 75.99, "text": "Jesse drives a Tesla you can see."}, {"start": 75.99, "end": 82.94, "text": "You own a coin you gotta imagine."}, {"start": 82.94, "end": 84.54, "text": "Yo, Dex, the crypto bro."}, {"start": 84.54, "end": 86.66, "text": "Even the exit sign is pointing at you."}, {"start": 86.66, "end": 92.26, "text": "Take the hint."}, {"start": 92.26, "end": 95.62, "text": "Somebody check Dex, the crypto bro's pulse."}, {"start": 95.62, "end": 101.06, "text": "That ego flatlined two rows to go."}, {"start": 101.06, "end": 109.22, "text": "Put Dex, the crypto bro on a milk carton, because that dignity is missing."}, {"start": 109.22, "end": 114.34, "text": "And now the man himself, the hero, the last word always belongs to him."}, {"start": 114.34, "end": 120.56, "text": "Jesse."}, {"start": 120.56, "end": 122.44, "text": "Dex, you call me a broke boomer."}, {"start": 122.44, "end": 124.4, "text": "At least my money's real enough to lose."}, {"start": 124.4, "end": 125.4, "text": "You didn't get rich."}, {"start": 125.4, "end": 126.92, "text": "You got a notification."}, {"start": 126.92, "end": 127.72, "text": "Now sit down."}, {"start": 127.72, "end": 129.12, "text": "The adults are charging."}, {"start": 129.12, "end": 136.18, "text": "Last laugh's mine."}, {"start": 136.18, "end": 138.74, "text": "And that is why nobody beats Jesse twice."}, {"start": 138.74, "end": 140.54, "text": "Team Jesse undefeated."}, {"start": 140.54, "end": 142.06, "text": "This has been your announcer."}, {"start": 142.06, "end": 143.54, "text": "Kill Jesse."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nWelcome to Team Jesse, where somebody always makes the mistake of talking trash about our guy. Tonight's volunteer, Dex the crypto bro. Let's hear the dumb thing they said. Jesse, you're 50 and broke. Elmao, I made six figures in Dojman while you were charging your sad little Tesla. Have fun being poor boomer. Oh, Dex the crypto bro. Wrong room. Boys, open fire. This summer, one man turned his entire net worth into a JPEG of a frog. Dex, your portfolio has more red than a crime scene. Jesse's broke on purpose. You're broke by algorithm. Oh! Dex, you made six figures and lost seven. That ain't invested. That's gambling with extra steps and a hoodie. Jesse's got three dogs that are a safer asset than your whole wallet. Crypto bro, your diamond hands. Their empty hands with a Robinhood app. Jesse drives a Tesla you can see. You own a coin you gotta imagine. Yo, Dex, the crypto bro. Even the exit sign is pointing at you. Take the hint. Somebody check Dex, the crypto bro's pulse. That ego flatlined two rows to go. Put Dex, the crypto bro on a milk carton, because that dignity is missing. And now the man himself, the hero, the last word always belongs to him. Jesse. Dex, you call me a broke boomer. At least my money's real enough to lose. You didn't get rich. You got a notification. Now sit down. The adults are charging. Last laugh's mine. And that is why nobody beats Jesse twice. Team Jesse undefeated. This has been your announcer. Kill Jesse.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}