{"file": "audio/vault/249_eulogy_eu_dating.mp3", "duration_sec": 94.0, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 5.36, "text": "Dearly beloved, we gathered to bury something that honestly was never fully alive."}, {"start": 5.36, "end": 9.6, "text": "Jesse's dating life survived by three dogs and nine ring pop rappers."}, {"start": 14.11, "end": 16.67, "text": "It had a good run if by run you mean it ran away."}, {"start": 17.39, "end": 23.23, "text": "Nine times with candy. Say it died of natural causes but the cause was him and it wasn't natural."}, {"start": 32.74, "end": 37.14, "text": "The dating life didn't pass peacefully. It was ghosted into the afterlife."}, {"start": 37.14, "end": 39.06, "text": "Even in death somebody left it on red."}, {"start": 47.01, "end": 52.69, "text": "I related to the deceased. We both planned weddings in our heads and never sent the text."}, {"start": 52.69, "end": 64.11, "text": "Rest in the group chat old friend. Look my dating life is gone but it gave it all."}, {"start": 64.11, "end": 67.79, "text": "It proposed with candy because that's what a hopeful broke man has."}, {"start": 67.79, "end": 74.43, "text": "It loved hard and lost harder and out of its ashes a whole comedy empire best break up I ever monetized."}, {"start": 74.43, "end": 75.47, "text": "Last laughs mine."}, {"start": 81.9, "end": 86.3, "text": "Till death do us part it parted first. Red line eulogy kill Jesse."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nDearly beloved, we gathered to bury something that honestly was never fully alive. Jesse's dating life survived by three dogs and nine ring pop rappers. It had a good run if by run you mean it ran away. Nine times with candy. Say it died of natural causes but the cause was him and it wasn't natural. The dating life didn't pass peacefully. It was ghosted into the afterlife. Even in death somebody left it on red. I related to the deceased. We both planned weddings in our heads and never sent the text. Rest in the group chat old friend. Look my dating life is gone but it gave it all. It proposed with candy because that's what a hopeful broke man has. It loved hard and lost harder and out of its ashes a whole comedy empire best break up I ever monetized. Last laughs mine. Till death do us part it parted first. Red line eulogy kill Jesse.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}