{"file": "audio/vault/23_home_vs_renting.mp3", "duration_sec": 163.3, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.84, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 2.84, "end": 3.8, "text": "Adults only."}, {"start": 3.8, "end": 5.54, "text": "No kids, no mercy."}, {"start": 5.54, "end": 8.24, "text": "For 15 years, one show ruled comedy."}, {"start": 8.24, "end": 10.24, "text": "Tonight, we come for the crown."}, {"start": 10.24, "end": 13.88, "text": "This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer"}, {"start": 13.88, "end": 16.68, "text": "24 hours a day, seven days a week."}, {"start": 16.68, "end": 20.44, "text": "We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years."}, {"start": 20.44, "end": 24.12, "text": "Now, give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh."}, {"start": 24.12, "end": 25.36, "text": "Jesse."}, {"start": 25.36, "end": 27.32, "text": "Tonight, homeowner versus renter."}, {"start": 27.32, "end": 29.76, "text": "And I'm a proud homeowner, which means I own a house,"}, {"start": 29.76, "end": 33.96, "text": "a 30-year mortgage, and 40 more years of being too broke to ever leave it."}, {"start": 33.96, "end": 36.64, "text": "I can't move, I can't sell, but I am thankful."}, {"start": 36.64, "end": 40.44, "text": "Because misery is a whole lot nicer under a roof you technically own."}, {"start": 40.44, "end": 41.76, "text": "Renters come at me."}, {"start": 41.76, "end": 47.42, "text": "Mickey, you know mad fire."}, {"start": 47.42, "end": 49.22, "text": "Jesse, you don't own a home."}, {"start": 49.22, "end": 51.98, "text": "The bank owns a home and lets you sleep in it."}, {"start": 51.98, "end": 53.22, "text": "You're not a homeowner."}, {"start": 53.22, "end": 65.1, "text": "You're a long-term hostage with a lawn."}, {"start": 65.1, "end": 68.02, "text": "Mickey, you've rented the same apartment 15 years."}, {"start": 68.02, "end": 69.22, "text": "That's not freedom."}, {"start": 69.22, "end": 71.58, "text": "That's paying off somebody else's beach house."}, {"start": 71.58, "end": 73.22, "text": "One check at a time."}, {"start": 73.22, "end": 81.92, "text": "At least my landlord is a bank that can't judge me."}, {"start": 81.92, "end": 84.72, "text": "I rent and I can leave anytime I want."}, {"start": 84.72, "end": 86.72, "text": "You're stuck in a house you can't sell."}, {"start": 86.72, "end": 88.88, "text": "With a yard you can't afford to know."}, {"start": 88.88, "end": 94.84, "text": "Slowly becoming one with the recliner."}, {"start": 94.84, "end": 95.92, "text": "Shit."}, {"start": 95.92, "end": 98.48, "text": "I own two, Jesse, the American Dream."}, {"start": 98.48, "end": 109.22, "text": "Worked 30 years to own a box you'll eventually die in and call it an investment."}, {"start": 109.22, "end": 110.74, "text": "And that's the war, folks."}, {"start": 110.74, "end": 113.98, "text": "Own rent one of you throws money away the others chain to a foundation"}, {"start": 113.98, "end": 116.26, "text": "and we all just want somewhere to cry in private."}, {"start": 116.26, "end": 118.38, "text": "Truth is I'm paying for this house till I'm 90."}, {"start": 118.38, "end": 120.18, "text": "I can't move and I can't sell."}, {"start": 120.18, "end": 121.1, "text": "But you know what?"}, {"start": 121.1, "end": 124.34, "text": "I got a door that locks three dogs and a mortgage with my name on it."}, {"start": 124.34, "end": 127.46, "text": "And after the life I've had being trapped somewhere that's actually mine."}, {"start": 127.46, "end": 130.18, "text": "That's the most stable relationship I've ever had."}, {"start": 130.18, "end": 133.78, "text": "Thankfully as hell, the hero gets the last laugh."}, {"start": 133.78, "end": 141.74, "text": "This is Red Line, kill Jesse."}, {"start": 141.74, "end": 143.02, "text": "That's our show."}, {"start": 143.02, "end": 144.3, "text": "But we never stop."}, {"start": 144.3, "end": 148.86, "text": "New comedy 24-7 and a two-hour kill Jesse special four times a month."}, {"start": 148.86, "end": 152.1, "text": "We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days."}, {"start": 152.1, "end": 156.98, "text": "So come back tomorrow and the day after because at Red Line the carnival never closes."}, {"start": 156.98, "end": 159.86, "text": "Subscribe, share and tell your filthiest friend."}, {"start": 159.86, "end": 160.86, "text": "This is bombed.app."}, {"start": 160.86, "end": 162.98, "text": "Good night and stay unhinged."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLadies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club. Adults only. No kids, no mercy. For 15 years, one show ruled comedy. Tonight, we come for the crown. This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years. Now, give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh. Jesse. Tonight, homeowner versus renter. And I'm a proud homeowner, which means I own a house, a 30-year mortgage, and 40 more years of being too broke to ever leave it. I can't move, I can't sell, but I am thankful. Because misery is a whole lot nicer under a roof you technically own. Renters come at me. Mickey, you know mad fire. Jesse, you don't own a home. The bank owns a home and lets you sleep in it. You're not a homeowner. You're a long-term hostage with a lawn. Mickey, you've rented the same apartment 15 years. That's not freedom. That's paying off somebody else's beach house. One check at a time. At least my landlord is a bank that can't judge me. I rent and I can leave anytime I want. You're stuck in a house you can't sell. With a yard you can't afford to know. Slowly becoming one with the recliner. Shit. I own two, Jesse, the American Dream. Worked 30 years to own a box you'll eventually die in and call it an investment. And that's the war, folks. Own rent one of you throws money away the others chain to a foundation and we all just want somewhere to cry in private. Truth is I'm paying for this house till I'm 90. I can't move and I can't sell. But you know what? I got a door that locks three dogs and a mortgage with my name on it. And after the life I've had being trapped somewhere that's actually mine. That's the most stable relationship I've ever had. Thankfully as hell, the hero gets the last laugh. This is Red Line, kill Jesse. That's our show. But we never stop. New comedy 24-7 and a two-hour kill Jesse special four times a month. We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days. So come back tomorrow and the day after because at Red Line the carnival never closes. Subscribe, share and tell your filthiest friend. This is bombed.app. Good night and stay unhinged.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}