{"file": "audio/vault/239_court_ct_brad.mp3", "duration_sec": 88.0, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.68, "text": "All rise, the Red Line Court is now in session,"}, {"start": 2.68, "end": 4.72, "text": "the honorable Judge Jesse presiding."}, {"start": 4.72, "end": 7.72, "text": "Today's defendant, Brad, charged with unsubscribing"}, {"start": 7.72, "end": 9.72, "text": "during a man's emotional milestone."}, {"start": 9.72, "end": 14.66, "text": "How does he plead?"}, {"start": 14.66, "end": 17.5, "text": "Not guilty, I just, the content wasn't for me anymore."}, {"start": 17.5, "end": 18.9, "text": "I didn't think he'd notice."}, {"start": 18.9, "end": 22.94, "text": "It was one click."}, {"start": 22.94, "end": 24.34, "text": "Objection, Your Honor."}, {"start": 24.34, "end": 25.86, "text": "He knew."}, {"start": 25.86, "end": 27.3, "text": "You don't just click, Brad."}, {"start": 27.3, "end": 29.9, "text": "You look to man's dream in the eye and hit the X."}, {"start": 29.9, "end": 31.14, "text": "That's not unsubscribing."}, {"start": 31.14, "end": 33.42, "text": "That's a hit job with a mouse."}, {"start": 33.74, "end": 35.22, "text": "He just cries."}, {"start": 39.74, "end": 42.62, "text": "Defense Your Honor, my client is clinically accoward."}, {"start": 42.62, "end": 43.42, "text": "That's not a crime."}, {"start": 43.42, "end": 46.78, "text": "It's a condition we ask for mercy and a content warning."}, {"start": 46.78, "end": 56.28, "text": "Brad, I celebrated 10 subscribers"}, {"start": 56.28, "end": 59.12, "text": "like a wedding and you left like a divorce midvow."}, {"start": 59.12, "end": 62.56, "text": "The court finds you guilty of unsubscribing in the first degree."}, {"start": 62.56, "end": 66.24, "text": "Sentence, you gotta watch every episode with ADS forever."}, {"start": 66.24, "end": 67.32, "text": "Courts mine."}, {"start": 67.32, "end": 70.72, "text": "Galvel's mine last laugh also mine."}, {"start": 70.72, "end": 80.26, "text": "Bang the gavill justice. Red line court is adjourned. Get back here Brad. Kill Jesse."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nAll rise, the Red Line Court is now in session, the honorable Judge Jesse presiding. Today's defendant, Brad, charged with unsubscribing during a man's emotional milestone. How does he plead? Not guilty, I just, the content wasn't for me anymore. I didn't think he'd notice. It was one click. Objection, Your Honor. He knew. You don't just click, Brad. You look to man's dream in the eye and hit the X. That's not unsubscribing. That's a hit job with a mouse. He just cries. Defense Your Honor, my client is clinically accoward. That's not a crime. It's a condition we ask for mercy and a content warning. Brad, I celebrated 10 subscribers like a wedding and you left like a divorce midvow. The court finds you guilty of unsubscribing in the first degree. Sentence, you gotta watch every episode with ADS forever. Courts mine. Galvel's mine last laugh also mine. Bang the gavill justice. Red line court is adjourned. Get back here Brad. Kill Jesse.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}