{"file": "audio/vault/232_teamjesse_chad.mp3", "duration_sec": 134.1, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 5.6, "text": "Welcome to Team Jesse, where somebody always makes the mistake of talking trash about our guy."}, {"start": 5.6, "end": 9.2, "text": "Tonight's volunteer, Chad Brunchington the third."}, {"start": 9.2, "end": 19.25, "text": "Let's hear the dumb thing they said."}, {"start": 19.25, "end": 22.05, "text": "You will you clean T-O-I-L-E-T-S for living."}, {"start": 22.05, "end": 26.05, "text": "My trust fund makes more money while I sleep than you make on your knees with a brush."}, {"start": 26.05, "end": 27.45, "text": "Stay poor janitor."}, {"start": 27.45, "end": 36.16, "text": "Oh, Chad Brunchington the third, wrong room, boys, open fire."}, {"start": 36.16, "end": 40.56, "text": "In a world of inherited money and zero personality, here comes Chad."}, {"start": 40.56, "end": 44.56, "text": "Buddy, you've never worked today. Your hands are softer than your argument."}, {"start": 44.56, "end": 49.76, "text": "Jesse scrubs toilets and still outranks you because at least his job involves cleaning up garbage."}, {"start": 49.76, "end": 54.1, "text": "And you are the garbage."}, {"start": 54.1, "end": 58.5, "text": "Hi, Chad. You trust fund? That ain't success."}, {"start": 58.5, "end": 61.1, "text": "That's a doctor's note from being born."}, {"start": 61.1, "end": 63.5, "text": "Jesse built something with his hands."}, {"start": 63.5, "end": 68.5, "text": "You inherited a chin and a tan. Sit down before I fold you like a beach chair."}, {"start": 68.5, "end": 76.38, "text": "Chad, Chad, Chad."}, {"start": 76.38, "end": 79.98, "text": "You sleep eight hours and call it income."}, {"start": 79.98, "end": 83.18, "text": "My man Jesse works while you dream."}, {"start": 83.18, "end": 88.38, "text": "The only thing you ever earned was that punch line coming at you."}, {"start": 88.38, "end": 94.02, "text": "Forget about it."}, {"start": 94.02, "end": 98.82, "text": "And now the man himself, the hero, the last word always belongs to him."}, {"start": 98.82, "end": 105.01, "text": "Jesse."}, {"start": 105.01, "end": 107.01, "text": "Chad, you say I clean toilets?"}, {"start": 107.01, "end": 109.81, "text": "Yeah, and your dad still calls me to clean yours."}, {"start": 109.81, "end": 113.01, "text": "Difference between us kid. I scrub the crap you inherited it."}, {"start": 113.01, "end": 119.92, "text": "Last laughs mine."}, {"start": 119.92, "end": 122.72, "text": "And that is why nobody beats Jesse twice."}, {"start": 122.72, "end": 125.92, "text": "Team Jesse undefeated. This has been your announcer."}, {"start": 125.92, "end": 127.92, "text": "Kill Jesse."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nWelcome to Team Jesse, where somebody always makes the mistake of talking trash about our guy. Tonight's volunteer, Chad Brunchington the third. Let's hear the dumb thing they said. You will you clean T-O-I-L-E-T-S for living. My trust fund makes more money while I sleep than you make on your knees with a brush. Stay poor janitor. Oh, Chad Brunchington the third, wrong room, boys, open fire. In a world of inherited money and zero personality, here comes Chad. Buddy, you've never worked today. Your hands are softer than your argument. Jesse scrubs toilets and still outranks you because at least his job involves cleaning up garbage. And you are the garbage. Hi, Chad. You trust fund? That ain't success. That's a doctor's note from being born. Jesse built something with his hands. You inherited a chin and a tan. Sit down before I fold you like a beach chair. Chad, Chad, Chad. You sleep eight hours and call it income. My man Jesse works while you dream. The only thing you ever earned was that punch line coming at you. Forget about it. And now the man himself, the hero, the last word always belongs to him. Jesse. Chad, you say I clean toilets? Yeah, and your dad still calls me to clean yours. Difference between us kid. I scrub the crap you inherited it. Last laughs mine. And that is why nobody beats Jesse twice. Team Jesse undefeated. This has been your announcer. Kill Jesse.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}