{"file": "audio/vault/230_trailer_guy_special_1.mp3", "duration_sec": 160.5, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 3.98, "text": "In a world where one man cleans other people's toilets all day"}, {"start": 3.98, "end": 7.24, "text": "and then comes home to a bathroom he can't afford to fix,"}, {"start": 7.24, "end": 11.35, "text": "this is the story of Jesse."}, {"start": 11.35, "end": 13.53, "text": "He is 50 years old, he is single,"}, {"start": 13.53, "end": 17.13, "text": "and his only dependents have tails, three dogs, no wife,"}, {"start": 17.13, "end": 20.07, "text": "no kids, that's not a family, ladies and gentlemen,"}, {"start": 20.07, "end": 22.47, "text": "that's a petting zoo with a mortgage."}, {"start": 22.47, "end": 27.08, "text": "Oh!"}, {"start": 27.08, "end": 30.48, "text": "They said he couldn't commit, they were wrong."}, {"start": 30.48, "end": 33.16, "text": "He committed nine times with a ring pop"}, {"start": 33.16, "end": 36.82, "text": "the candy store knows his order, the jeweler thinks he's dead."}, {"start": 36.82, "end": 47.71, "text": "This summer witness a man so broke,"}, {"start": 47.71, "end": 51.01, "text": "his own hand left him for someone with better wi-fi,"}, {"start": 51.01, "end": 54.11, "text": "a man whose idea of a hot date is making eye contact"}, {"start": 54.11, "end": 56.21, "text": "with the fridge at two in the morning."}, {"start": 56.21, "end": 63.94, "text": "He drives his third Tesla to save a planet,"}, {"start": 63.94, "end": 67.28, "text": "he cannot make rent on, an electric car, full charge,"}, {"start": 67.28, "end": 69.88, "text": "nowhere to go, and nobody in the passenger seat,"}, {"start": 69.88, "end": 72.56, "text": "that's not autopilot, that's a metaphor."}, {"start": 77.18, "end": 81.74, "text": "A Mexican kid from Elk Grove who quit a state job with a pension"}, {"start": 81.74, "end": 85.42, "text": "to follow his passion and his passion it turns out was leaving."}, {"start": 85.42, "end": 97.64, "text": "He didn't find himself, he just lost the dental."}, {"start": 97.64, "end": 101.24, "text": "Sex at 50 broke and single, he doesn't have a love life,"}, {"start": 101.24, "end": 103.64, "text": "he has a subscription he forgot to cancel."}, {"start": 103.64, "end": 107.24, "text": "The only thing going down on him these days is his credit score."}, {"start": 107.24, "end": 117.6, "text": "Critics are raving, his dog said and I quote,"}, {"start": 117.6, "end": 120.74, "text": "he talks to us in full sentences and he waits for an answer."}, {"start": 120.82, "end": 124.66, "text": "His therapist put him on hold, his plant filed for emancipation."}, {"start": 124.66, "end": 133.28, "text": "From the man who built an entire comedy club,"}, {"start": 133.28, "end": 141.1, "text": "run by robots, just to avoid one phone call to a human being."}, {"start": 141.1, "end": 145.34, "text": "The formula rated R for regret coming to no theater near you"}, {"start": 145.34, "end": 147.94, "text": "because he spent the budget on a haunted stove."}, {"start": 147.94, "end": 151.1, "text": "This has been trailer guy, now somebody hugged this man,"}, {"start": 151.1, "end": 153.34, "text": "or at least Venmo him, kill Jesse."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man cleans other people's toilets all day and then comes home to a bathroom he can't afford to fix, this is the story of Jesse. He is 50 years old, he is single, and his only dependents have tails, three dogs, no wife, no kids, that's not a family, ladies and gentlemen, that's a petting zoo with a mortgage. Oh! They said he couldn't commit, they were wrong. He committed nine times with a ring pop the candy store knows his order, the jeweler thinks he's dead. This summer witness a man so broke, his own hand left him for someone with better wi-fi, a man whose idea of a hot date is making eye contact with the fridge at two in the morning. He drives his third Tesla to save a planet, he cannot make rent on, an electric car, full charge, nowhere to go, and nobody in the passenger seat, that's not autopilot, that's a metaphor. A Mexican kid from Elk Grove who quit a state job with a pension to follow his passion and his passion it turns out was leaving. He didn't find himself, he just lost the dental. Sex at 50 broke and single, he doesn't have a love life, he has a subscription he forgot to cancel. The only thing going down on him these days is his credit score. Critics are raving, his dog said and I quote, he talks to us in full sentences and he waits for an answer. His therapist put him on hold, his plant filed for emancipation. From the man who built an entire comedy club, run by robots, just to avoid one phone call to a human being. The formula rated R for regret coming to no theater near you because he spent the budget on a haunted stove. This has been trailer guy, now somebody hugged this man, or at least Venmo him, kill Jesse.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}