{"file": "audio/vault/21_jesse_uncensored_truths.mp3", "duration_sec": 214.4, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.14, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.14, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.34, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.34, "end": 26.74, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 26.74, "end": 28.14, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 34.9, "text": "Welcome to the filthy truth you disgusting beautiful animals."}, {"start": 34.9, "end": 38.3, "text": "No script, no shame, just the nastiest facts about my life."}, {"start": 38.3, "end": 44.3, "text": "Truth number one, I'm 50 single and the most action I get is the prostate exam I keep rescheduling."}, {"start": 44.3, "end": 49.9, "text": "I clean toilets for a living, which means my whole life is literally in the shitter and I'm getting paid for it."}, {"start": 49.9, "end": 66.28, "text": "My love life is so dead, it filed a missing persons report on itself."}, {"start": 66.28, "end": 70.28, "text": "He's not a real doctor, but neither was the guy who did your tattoos."}, {"start": 70.28, "end": 73.28, "text": "The roast physician is in Doc Burn."}, {"start": 73.28, "end": 79.29, "text": "Jesse, you're so broke and so lonely at the same time."}, {"start": 79.29, "end": 81.09, "text": "It's a fire hazard."}, {"start": 81.09, "end": 92.07, "text": "Truth number two, I quit drinking so now I'm just sober enough to remember every woman who left and the exact stupid thing I said."}, {"start": 92.07, "end": 96.47, "text": "I got three dogs and all three of them have seen me cry naked on the kitchen floor."}, {"start": 96.47, "end": 108.69, "text": "That's not a pet, that's a witness."}, {"start": 108.69, "end": 117.46, "text": "No filter, no mercy, no chill, all hail the queen of the burn unit, queen's tank."}, {"start": 117.46, "end": 128.34, "text": "Jesse, the only thing thinner than your wallet is your patience and your hairline."}, {"start": 128.34, "end": 132.14, "text": "Jesse, you scrub toilets all day and roast yourself all night."}, {"start": 132.14, "end": 140.58, "text": "You're the hardest working sad man in America."}, {"start": 140.58, "end": 143.58, "text": "And here's the filthiest truth of all you sick bastards."}, {"start": 143.58, "end": 150.98, "text": "I took a felony, three divorces I didn't even earn, a drinking problem and a toilet cleaning career and I turned it into a damn comedy empire."}, {"start": 150.98, "end": 153.98, "text": "So laugh at my life because I sure as hell had to."}, {"start": 153.98, "end": 155.98, "text": "The hero gets the last laugh."}, {"start": 155.98, "end": 158.58, "text": "This is Red Line, kill Jesse."}, {"start": 158.58, "end": 168.86, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 168.86, "end": 177.06, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 177.06, "end": 182.66, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 182.66, "end": 186.26, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 186.26, "end": 188.26, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 188.26, "end": 191.66, "text": "Going through something so is he always."}, {"start": 191.66, "end": 194.06, "text": "So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 194.06, "end": 197.66, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 197.66, "end": 205.66, "text": "Before the dark wins, the Red Line Comedy Club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 205.66, "end": 208.06, "text": "Subscribe, he needs the attention."}, {"start": 208.06, "end": 209.06, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Welcome to the filthy truth you disgusting beautiful animals. No script, no shame, just the nastiest facts about my life. Truth number one, I'm 50 single and the most action I get is the prostate exam I keep rescheduling. I clean toilets for a living, which means my whole life is literally in the shitter and I'm getting paid for it. My love life is so dead, it filed a missing persons report on itself. He's not a real doctor, but neither was the guy who did your tattoos. The roast physician is in Doc Burn. Jesse, you're so broke and so lonely at the same time. It's a fire hazard. Truth number two, I quit drinking so now I'm just sober enough to remember every woman who left and the exact stupid thing I said. I got three dogs and all three of them have seen me cry naked on the kitchen floor. That's not a pet, that's a witness. No filter, no mercy, no chill, all hail the queen of the burn unit, queen's tank. Jesse, the only thing thinner than your wallet is your patience and your hairline. Jesse, you scrub toilets all day and roast yourself all night. You're the hardest working sad man in America. And here's the filthiest truth of all you sick bastards. I took a felony, three divorces I didn't even earn, a drinking problem and a toilet cleaning career and I turned it into a damn comedy empire. So laugh at my life because I sure as hell had to. The hero gets the last laugh. This is Red Line, kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something so is he always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark wins, the Red Line Comedy Club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}