{"file": "audio/vault/209_auto_20260626_13.mp3", "duration_sec": 234.5, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.14, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.14, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.34, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.34, "end": 28.14, "text": "We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 34.64, "text": "Welcome to the Red Line. Tonight, broken, beautiful."}, {"start": 34.64, "end": 39.44, "text": "I roast me first. You bought a Tesla in 2018 because they said it had drive your customers"}, {"start": 39.44, "end": 48.49, "text": "without you, the car ghosted you too. Bring it."}, {"start": 48.49, "end": 52.29, "text": "He's not a real doctor, but neither was the guy who did your tattoos."}, {"start": 52.29, "end": 58.5, "text": "The roast physician is in Doc Burn."}, {"start": 58.5, "end": 66.91, "text": "Your credit score called and just said law."}, {"start": 66.91, "end": 70.71, "text": "Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags than a parade."}, {"start": 70.71, "end": 76.65, "text": "Your every man of error? Mickey!"}, {"start": 76.65, "end": 81.45, "text": "You child-proofed nothing. You proved against your whole bloodline."}, {"start": 81.45, "end": 93.05, "text": "I, Jesse, you're so broke. Your hand left you for someone with better Wi-Fi."}, {"start": 93.05, "end": 95.05, "text": "Forget about it."}, {"start": 99.94, "end": 105.94, "text": "Your whole lives, a series of confident left, turns into the same wall."}, {"start": 105.94, "end": 113.92, "text": "From Brooklyn, married 20 years and still doing the time."}, {"start": 113.92, "end": 117.32, "text": "The wise guy with a wedding ring like an ankle monitor, Vinny."}, {"start": 120.9, "end": 124.1, "text": "You quit a state job with a pension to follow your passion."}, {"start": 124.1, "end": 126.9, "text": "Turns out your passion was leaving."}, {"start": 131.31, "end": 133.91, "text": "Older than your house, filthier than your group chat."}, {"start": 133.91, "end": 140.19, "text": "Grandpa's got no breaks. Pops!"}, {"start": 140.19, "end": 151.32, "text": "You text you up at 2 a.m. to a number that's been disconnected since the Super Bowl."}, {"start": 151.32, "end": 160.6, "text": "You stand in the kitchen at two and making eye contact with a fridge like you're in love."}, {"start": 160.6, "end": 164.4, "text": "I'm just the announcer, but you asked an AI for therapy."}, {"start": 164.4, "end": 169.4, "text": "That thing's the only relationship where you can't get dumped, only hit your monthly limit."}, {"start": 169.4, "end": 176.9, "text": "That's the show you beautiful disasters, pain and paychecks out."}, {"start": 176.9, "end": 186.53, "text": "Laugh before the dark winds. This is Red Line, kill Jesse."}, {"start": 186.53, "end": 188.53, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 188.53, "end": 194.53, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day."}, {"start": 194.53, "end": 199.53, "text": "A brand new comic steps up and another piece of this man's dignity steps down."}, {"start": 199.53, "end": 205.53, "text": "24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 205.53, "end": 207.53, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 207.53, "end": 211.53, "text": "Going through something, so is he, always."}, {"start": 211.53, "end": 213.53, "text": "So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 213.53, "end": 217.53, "text": "Go to bombed.ab and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 217.53, "end": 220.53, "text": "Before the dark winds, the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 220.53, "end": 221.53, "text": "Open all night."}, {"start": 221.53, "end": 225.53, "text": "Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 225.53, "end": 228.53, "text": "Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Welcome to the Red Line. Tonight, broken, beautiful. I roast me first. You bought a Tesla in 2018 because they said it had drive your customers without you, the car ghosted you too. Bring it. He's not a real doctor, but neither was the guy who did your tattoos. The roast physician is in Doc Burn. Your credit score called and just said law. Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags than a parade. Your every man of error? Mickey! You child-proofed nothing. You proved against your whole bloodline. I, Jesse, you're so broke. Your hand left you for someone with better Wi-Fi. Forget about it. Your whole lives, a series of confident left, turns into the same wall. From Brooklyn, married 20 years and still doing the time. The wise guy with a wedding ring like an ankle monitor, Vinny. You quit a state job with a pension to follow your passion. Turns out your passion was leaving. Older than your house, filthier than your group chat. Grandpa's got no breaks. Pops! You text you up at 2 a.m. to a number that's been disconnected since the Super Bowl. You stand in the kitchen at two and making eye contact with a fridge like you're in love. I'm just the announcer, but you asked an AI for therapy. That thing's the only relationship where you can't get dumped, only hit your monthly limit. That's the show you beautiful disasters, pain and paychecks out. Laugh before the dark winds. This is Red Line, kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day. A brand new comic steps up and another piece of this man's dignity steps down. 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something, so is he, always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.ab and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark winds, the Red Line Comedy Club. Open all night. Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}