{"file": "audio/vault/208_auto_20260626_12.mp3", "duration_sec": 229.4, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.84, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.84, "end": 19.04, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software,"}, {"start": 19.04, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.24, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.24, "end": 26.74, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 26.74, "end": 31.6, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 31.6, "end": 33.1, "text": "Welcome to the Red Line."}, {"start": 33.1, "end": 34.9, "text": "Tonight, Modern Life is a scam."}, {"start": 34.9, "end": 36.1, "text": "I roast me first."}, {"start": 36.1, "end": 38.4, "text": "You proposed nine times with Ring Pops,"}, {"start": 38.4, "end": 41.5, "text": "the candy store knows your order, the jeweler thinks you died."}, {"start": 41.5, "end": 42.5, "text": "Bring it."}, {"start": 42.5, "end": 50.8, "text": "You roast yourself for a living."}, {"start": 50.8, "end": 60.54, "text": "Because it's the only gig that always books you."}, {"start": 60.54, "end": 63.94, "text": "He brings the doom, the gloom, and a voice from the bottom of a well."}, {"start": 63.94, "end": 69.42, "text": "Please welcome Graves."}, {"start": 69.42, "end": 72.82, "text": "50 years old and your only dependence have tales."}, {"start": 72.82, "end": 78.38, "text": "Hi Jesse."}, {"start": 78.38, "end": 80.98, "text": "You have 14,000 unread emails"}, {"start": 80.98, "end": 84.18, "text": "and a five-align panic about a text from March."}, {"start": 84.18, "end": 92.71, "text": "Forget about it."}, {"start": 92.71, "end": 101.96, "text": "You're so broke, your hand left you for someone with better Wi-Fi."}, {"start": 101.96, "end": 105.16, "text": "From Brooklyn, married 20 years and still doing the time."}, {"start": 105.16, "end": 108.96, "text": "The wise guy with a wedding ring like an ankle monitor, Vinnie."}, {"start": 108.96, "end": 122.54, "text": "You built a comedy club run by robots to avoid one phone call to a human."}, {"start": 122.54, "end": 126.34, "text": "Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags than a parade."}, {"start": 126.34, "end": 127.94, "text": "You're every man of error."}, {"start": 127.94, "end": 128.94, "text": "Mickey."}, {"start": 132.47, "end": 135.47, "text": "You set five alarms, hate all five,"}, {"start": 135.47, "end": 138.47, "text": "and negotiate with the first one like it betrayed you."}, {"start": 138.47, "end": 145.42, "text": "Southern Charm, Swamp Venom."}, {"start": 145.42, "end": 147.22, "text": "She'll bless your heart and then stop it."}, {"start": 147.22, "end": 151.14, "text": "Sugar."}, {"start": 151.14, "end": 152.74, "text": "You don't make bad decisions."}, {"start": 152.74, "end": 158.73, "text": "You beta test regret."}, {"start": 158.73, "end": 168.46, "text": "I'm just the announcer, but your whole life's a series of confident left turns into the same wall."}, {"start": 168.46, "end": 170.46, "text": "That's the show you beautiful disasters."}, {"start": 170.46, "end": 172.06, "text": "Pain in paychecks out."}, {"start": 172.06, "end": 174.46, "text": "Blast before the dark winds, this is Red Line."}, {"start": 174.46, "end": 181.53, "text": "Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 181.53, "end": 183.93, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 183.93, "end": 192.13, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 192.13, "end": 197.73, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 197.73, "end": 201.13, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 201.13, "end": 202.13, "text": "Can't sleep."}, {"start": 202.13, "end": 203.13, "text": "We're up."}, {"start": 203.13, "end": 206.73, "text": "Going through something so is he always."}, {"start": 206.73, "end": 209.13, "text": "So come back you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 209.13, "end": 214.13, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds."}, {"start": 214.13, "end": 215.73, "text": "The Red Line comedy club."}, {"start": 215.73, "end": 220.73, "text": "Open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 220.73, "end": 221.73, "text": "Subscribe."}, {"start": 221.73, "end": 223.33, "text": "He needs the attention."}, {"start": 223.33, "end": 224.33, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software, and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Welcome to the Red Line. Tonight, Modern Life is a scam. I roast me first. You proposed nine times with Ring Pops, the candy store knows your order, the jeweler thinks you died. Bring it. You roast yourself for a living. Because it's the only gig that always books you. He brings the doom, the gloom, and a voice from the bottom of a well. Please welcome Graves. 50 years old and your only dependence have tales. Hi Jesse. You have 14,000 unread emails and a five-align panic about a text from March. Forget about it. You're so broke, your hand left you for someone with better Wi-Fi. From Brooklyn, married 20 years and still doing the time. The wise guy with a wedding ring like an ankle monitor, Vinnie. You built a comedy club run by robots to avoid one phone call to a human. Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags than a parade. You're every man of error. Mickey. You set five alarms, hate all five, and negotiate with the first one like it betrayed you. Southern Charm, Swamp Venom. She'll bless your heart and then stop it. Sugar. You don't make bad decisions. You beta test regret. I'm just the announcer, but your whole life's a series of confident left turns into the same wall. That's the show you beautiful disasters. Pain in paychecks out. Blast before the dark winds, this is Red Line. Kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep. We're up. Going through something so is he always. So come back you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds. The Red Line comedy club. Open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}