{"file": "audio/vault/207_auto_20260626_11.mp3", "duration_sec": 239.0, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.14, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.14, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.34, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.34, "end": 28.14, "text": "We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 34.84, "text": "Welcome to the Red Line. Tonight, bad habits we all have."}, {"start": 34.84, "end": 38.64, "text": "I roast me first. Your dating profile says founder energy."}, {"start": 38.64, "end": 47.14, "text": "That's just unemployment with Wi-Fi. Bring it."}, {"start": 47.14, "end": 49.14, "text": "You asked an AI for therapy."}, {"start": 49.14, "end": 51.94, "text": "That thing's the only relationship where you can't get dumped."}, {"start": 51.94, "end": 53.94, "text": "Only hit your monthly limit."}, {"start": 58.86, "end": 60.86, "text": "All protein, one personality."}, {"start": 60.86, "end": 66.94, "text": "The Jim Bro who skipped leg day in therapy, skip!"}, {"start": 66.94, "end": 69.94, "text": "You bought a plan to feel responsible for something living."}, {"start": 69.94, "end": 77.78, "text": "It died. Same place you started but with proof."}, {"start": 77.78, "end": 81.18, "text": "I just see three dogs, no wife, no kids."}, {"start": 81.18, "end": 85.18, "text": "You didn't build the family. You built the petting zoo with the mortgage."}, {"start": 85.18, "end": 88.74, "text": "Forget about it."}, {"start": 91.74, "end": 93.94, "text": "No filter, no mercy, no chill."}, {"start": 93.94, "end": 95.74, "text": "All hail the Queen of the Burn Unit."}, {"start": 95.74, "end": 100.62, "text": "Queen's Tank."}, {"start": 100.62, "end": 103.82, "text": "Your smart home has more devices listening to you"}, {"start": 103.82, "end": 105.82, "text": "than people who will text you back."}, {"start": 110.13, "end": 113.33, "text": "From Brooklyn, married 20 years and still doing the time."}, {"start": 113.33, "end": 116.13, "text": "The wise guy with a wedding ring like an ankle monitor."}, {"start": 116.13, "end": 120.14, "text": "Vinnie."}, {"start": 120.14, "end": 123.34, "text": "You apologized to a self-checkout machine this morning."}, {"start": 123.34, "end": 125.34, "text": "Out loud to a kiosk."}, {"start": 129.93, "end": 132.53, "text": "He optimized his entire life and ended up here."}, {"start": 132.53, "end": 135.53, "text": "The burnt out tech bro running on fumes and cold brew."}, {"start": 135.53, "end": 139.76, "text": "Trip!"}, {"start": 139.76, "end": 144.56, "text": "You have 14,000 unread emails and a five alarm panic about a text from March."}, {"start": 144.56, "end": 151.96, "text": "Older than your house, filthier than your group chat."}, {"start": 151.96, "end": 153.96, "text": "Grandpa's got no breaks."}, {"start": 153.96, "end": 158.27, "text": "Pops!"}, {"start": 158.27, "end": 162.47, "text": "You went from a cubicle to cleaning toilets and called it a glow up."}, {"start": 162.47, "end": 169.23, "text": "That's not a pivot, that's a flush."}, {"start": 169.23, "end": 172.23, "text": "I'm just the announcer but you don't make bad decisions."}, {"start": 172.23, "end": 178.1, "text": "You bait a test regret."}, {"start": 178.1, "end": 180.1, "text": "That's the show you beautiful disasters."}, {"start": 180.1, "end": 181.7, "text": "Pain in paychecks out."}, {"start": 181.7, "end": 183.1, "text": "Laugh before the dark winds."}, {"start": 183.1, "end": 191.2, "text": "This is Red Line, kill Jesse."}, {"start": 191.2, "end": 193.6, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 193.6, "end": 199.6, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day."}, {"start": 199.6, "end": 201.8, "text": "A brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 201.8, "end": 204.8, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down."}, {"start": 204.8, "end": 207.4, "text": "24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 207.4, "end": 210.8, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 210.8, "end": 212.8, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 212.8, "end": 216.4, "text": "Going through something, so is he, always."}, {"start": 216.4, "end": 218.8, "text": "So come back you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 218.8, "end": 222.2, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 222.2, "end": 225.2, "text": "Before the dark winds, the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 225.2, "end": 229.0, "text": "Open all night because somewhere out there it is always."}, {"start": 229.0, "end": 230.6, "text": "Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 230.6, "end": 231.6, "text": "Subscribe."}, {"start": 231.6, "end": 233.0, "text": "He needs the attention."}, {"start": 233.0, "end": 234.0, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Welcome to the Red Line. Tonight, bad habits we all have. I roast me first. Your dating profile says founder energy. That's just unemployment with Wi-Fi. Bring it. You asked an AI for therapy. That thing's the only relationship where you can't get dumped. Only hit your monthly limit. All protein, one personality. The Jim Bro who skipped leg day in therapy, skip! You bought a plan to feel responsible for something living. It died. Same place you started but with proof. I just see three dogs, no wife, no kids. You didn't build the family. You built the petting zoo with the mortgage. Forget about it. No filter, no mercy, no chill. All hail the Queen of the Burn Unit. Queen's Tank. Your smart home has more devices listening to you than people who will text you back. From Brooklyn, married 20 years and still doing the time. The wise guy with a wedding ring like an ankle monitor. Vinnie. You apologized to a self-checkout machine this morning. Out loud to a kiosk. He optimized his entire life and ended up here. The burnt out tech bro running on fumes and cold brew. Trip! You have 14,000 unread emails and a five alarm panic about a text from March. Older than your house, filthier than your group chat. Grandpa's got no breaks. Pops! You went from a cubicle to cleaning toilets and called it a glow up. That's not a pivot, that's a flush. I'm just the announcer but you don't make bad decisions. You bait a test regret. That's the show you beautiful disasters. Pain in paychecks out. Laugh before the dark winds. This is Red Line, kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day. A brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down. 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something, so is he, always. So come back you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark winds, the Red Line Comedy Club. Open all night because somewhere out there it is always. Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}