{"file": "audio/vault/204_auto_20260626_8.mp3", "duration_sec": 223.3, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.04, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software,"}, {"start": 19.04, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.24, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.24, "end": 26.74, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 26.74, "end": 31.6, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 31.6, "end": 33.1, "text": "Welcome to the Red Line."}, {"start": 33.1, "end": 34.9, "text": "Tonight Modern Life is a scam."}, {"start": 34.9, "end": 36.1, "text": "I roast me first."}, {"start": 36.2, "end": 39.8, "text": "You bought a Tesla in 2018 because they said it'd drive your customers"}, {"start": 39.8, "end": 40.6, "text": "without you."}, {"start": 40.6, "end": 42.1, "text": "The car ghosted you too."}, {"start": 42.1, "end": 43.1, "text": "Bring it."}, {"start": 43.1, "end": 49.58, "text": "Older than your house,"}, {"start": 49.58, "end": 51.08, "text": "filthier than your group chat,"}, {"start": 51.08, "end": 53.08, "text": "grandpa's got no brakes."}, {"start": 53.08, "end": 54.08, "text": "Pops!"}, {"start": 54.08, "end": 60.96, "text": "You named the dogs better than you named any relationship."}, {"start": 60.96, "end": 63.46, "text": "At least the dogs come when cold."}, {"start": 63.46, "end": 70.59, "text": "Glamour on the outside, switch blade on the inside,"}, {"start": 70.59, "end": 76.29, "text": "the diamond that cuts back, Ruby."}, {"start": 76.29, "end": 78.29, "text": "You stand in the kitchen at two,"}, {"start": 78.29, "end": 81.79, "text": "and making eye contact with the fridge like you're in love."}, {"start": 81.79, "end": 83.79, "text": "You're in love?"}, {"start": 83.79, "end": 91.52, "text": "I just see your dating profile says Founder Energy."}, {"start": 91.52, "end": 94.02, "text": "That's just unemployment with Wi-Fi."}, {"start": 94.02, "end": 95.52, "text": "Forget about it."}, {"start": 95.52, "end": 105.02, "text": "You built a comedy club run by robots"}, {"start": 105.02, "end": 109.02, "text": "to avoid one phone call to a human."}, {"start": 110.02, "end": 115.58, "text": "You child proved nothing."}, {"start": 115.58, "end": 117.58, "text": "You proved against your whole bloodline."}, {"start": 117.58, "end": 124.82, "text": "Raised by Wi-Fi and rage quits,"}, {"start": 124.82, "end": 127.32, "text": "the chaos Gremlin himself picks up."}, {"start": 127.32, "end": 134.17, "text": "Your whole life's a series of confident left turns into the same wall."}, {"start": 134.17, "end": 142.67, "text": "You apologize to a self-checkout machine this morning."}, {"start": 142.67, "end": 144.67, "text": "Out loud to a kiosk."}, {"start": 145.67, "end": 153.99, "text": "I'm just the announcer, but you went from a cubicle to cleaning toilets"}, {"start": 153.99, "end": 155.49, "text": "and called it a glow-up."}, {"start": 155.49, "end": 157.99, "text": "That's not a pivot. That's a flush."}, {"start": 158.99, "end": 164.13, "text": "That's the show you beautiful disasters."}, {"start": 164.13, "end": 165.63, "text": "Pain in paychecks out."}, {"start": 165.63, "end": 167.13, "text": "Laugh before the dark winds."}, {"start": 167.13, "end": 169.13, "text": "This is Red Line, Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 169.13, "end": 177.32, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 177.32, "end": 181.82, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour"}, {"start": 181.82, "end": 185.82, "text": "of every single day of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 185.82, "end": 189.82, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours,"}, {"start": 189.82, "end": 191.32, "text": "seven days a week."}, {"start": 191.32, "end": 194.82, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 194.82, "end": 195.82, "text": "Can't sleep."}, {"start": 196.32, "end": 197.32, "text": "We're up."}, {"start": 197.32, "end": 198.32, "text": "Going through something."}, {"start": 198.32, "end": 199.82, "text": "So is he."}, {"start": 199.82, "end": 200.82, "text": "Always."}, {"start": 200.82, "end": 202.82, "text": "So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 202.82, "end": 206.32, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 206.32, "end": 209.32, "text": "Before the dark winds, the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 209.32, "end": 210.32, "text": "Open all night."}, {"start": 210.32, "end": 214.32, "text": "Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 214.32, "end": 215.32, "text": "Subscribe."}, {"start": 215.32, "end": 216.82, "text": "He needs the attention."}, {"start": 216.82, "end": 217.82, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software, and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Welcome to the Red Line. Tonight Modern Life is a scam. I roast me first. You bought a Tesla in 2018 because they said it'd drive your customers without you. The car ghosted you too. Bring it. Older than your house, filthier than your group chat, grandpa's got no brakes. Pops! You named the dogs better than you named any relationship. At least the dogs come when cold. Glamour on the outside, switch blade on the inside, the diamond that cuts back, Ruby. You stand in the kitchen at two, and making eye contact with the fridge like you're in love. You're in love? I just see your dating profile says Founder Energy. That's just unemployment with Wi-Fi. Forget about it. You built a comedy club run by robots to avoid one phone call to a human. You child proved nothing. You proved against your whole bloodline. Raised by Wi-Fi and rage quits, the chaos Gremlin himself picks up. Your whole life's a series of confident left turns into the same wall. You apologize to a self-checkout machine this morning. Out loud to a kiosk. I'm just the announcer, but you went from a cubicle to cleaning toilets and called it a glow-up. That's not a pivot. That's a flush. That's the show you beautiful disasters. Pain in paychecks out. Laugh before the dark winds. This is Red Line, Kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep. We're up. Going through something. So is he. Always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark winds, the Red Line Comedy Club. Open all night. Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}