{"file": "audio/vault/201_auto_20260626_5.mp3", "duration_sec": 238.3, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 18.94, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software,"}, {"start": 18.94, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.34, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.34, "end": 28.14, "text": "We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 34.83, "text": "Welcome to the Red Line, tonight roast Jesse's choices."}, {"start": 34.83, "end": 36.03, "text": "I roast me first."}, {"start": 36.03, "end": 39.63, "text": "You bought a Tesla in 2018 because they said it had drive your customers"}, {"start": 39.63, "end": 42.03, "text": "without you, the car ghosted you too."}, {"start": 42.03, "end": 48.74, "text": "Bring it."}, {"start": 48.74, "end": 52.34, "text": "Three dogs, no wife, no kids."}, {"start": 52.34, "end": 54.54, "text": "You didn't build a family."}, {"start": 54.54, "end": 64.1, "text": "You built a petting zoo with a mortgage."}, {"start": 64.1, "end": 66.9, "text": "Glamour on the outside, switch blade on the inside,"}, {"start": 66.9, "end": 72.97, "text": "the diamond that cuts back, Ruby."}, {"start": 72.97, "end": 74.17, "text": "You text you up."}, {"start": 74.17, "end": 83.54, "text": "At 2 a.m., to a number that's been disconnected since the Super Bowl."}, {"start": 83.54, "end": 88.14, "text": "I Jesse, you bought a plant to feel responsible for something living."}, {"start": 88.14, "end": 89.54, "text": "It died."}, {"start": 89.54, "end": 94.14, "text": "Same place you started, but with proof, forget about it."}, {"start": 94.14, "end": 96.14, "text": "LAUGHTER"}, {"start": 96.14, "end": 97.14, "text": "BUZZER"}, {"start": 97.14, "end": 99.14, "text": "BUZZER"}, {"start": 99.14, "end": 102.34, "text": "From Brooklyn, married 20 years and still doing the time."}, {"start": 102.34, "end": 106.14, "text": "The wise guy with a wedding ring like an ankle monitor, Viny."}, {"start": 106.14, "end": 109.38, "text": "BUZZER"}, {"start": 109.38, "end": 112.78, "text": "You quit a state job with a pension to follow your passion."}, {"start": 112.78, "end": 121.71, "text": "Turns out your passion was leaving."}, {"start": 121.71, "end": 123.11, "text": "You child-proofed nothing."}, {"start": 123.11, "end": 125.51, "text": "You proved against your whole bloodline."}, {"start": 125.51, "end": 129.71, "text": "BUZZER"}, {"start": 129.71, "end": 131.31, "text": "Southern charm, swamp venom."}, {"start": 131.31, "end": 133.11, "text": "She'll bless your heart and then stop it."}, {"start": 133.11, "end": 137.22, "text": "Sugar."}, {"start": 137.22, "end": 145.56, "text": "You're so broke your hand left you for someone with better Wi-Fi."}, {"start": 145.56, "end": 153.21, "text": "Raised by Wi-Fi and rage quits, the chaos Gremlin himself, Pixel."}, {"start": 153.21, "end": 156.41, "text": "You went from a cubicle to cleaning toilets and called it a glow-up."}, {"start": 156.41, "end": 164.15, "text": "That's not a pivot, that's a flush."}, {"start": 164.15, "end": 167.95, "text": "I'm just the announcer, but you asked an AI for therapy."}, {"start": 167.95, "end": 171.15, "text": "That thing's the only relationship where you can't get dumped."}, {"start": 171.15, "end": 173.15, "text": "Only hit your monthly limit."}, {"start": 173.15, "end": 179.42, "text": "That's the show you beautiful disasters."}, {"start": 179.42, "end": 180.82, "text": "Pain in paychecks out."}, {"start": 180.82, "end": 190.42, "text": "Laugh before the dark winds, this is Red Line, Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 190.42, "end": 192.82, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 192.82, "end": 198.82, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day."}, {"start": 198.82, "end": 201.02, "text": "A brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 201.02, "end": 204.02, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down."}, {"start": 204.02, "end": 206.62, "text": "24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 206.62, "end": 210.22, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 210.22, "end": 212.22, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 212.22, "end": 215.62, "text": "Going through something so is he, always."}, {"start": 215.62, "end": 218.02, "text": "So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 218.02, "end": 221.62, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 221.62, "end": 224.42, "text": "Before the dark winds, the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 224.42, "end": 229.62, "text": "Open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 229.62, "end": 232.02, "text": "Subscribe, he needs the attention."}, {"start": 232.02, "end": 233.02, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software, and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Welcome to the Red Line, tonight roast Jesse's choices. I roast me first. You bought a Tesla in 2018 because they said it had drive your customers without you, the car ghosted you too. Bring it. Three dogs, no wife, no kids. You didn't build a family. You built a petting zoo with a mortgage. Glamour on the outside, switch blade on the inside, the diamond that cuts back, Ruby. You text you up. At 2 a.m., to a number that's been disconnected since the Super Bowl. I Jesse, you bought a plant to feel responsible for something living. It died. Same place you started, but with proof, forget about it. LAUGHTER BUZZER BUZZER From Brooklyn, married 20 years and still doing the time. The wise guy with a wedding ring like an ankle monitor, Viny. BUZZER You quit a state job with a pension to follow your passion. Turns out your passion was leaving. You child-proofed nothing. You proved against your whole bloodline. BUZZER Southern charm, swamp venom. She'll bless your heart and then stop it. Sugar. You're so broke your hand left you for someone with better Wi-Fi. Raised by Wi-Fi and rage quits, the chaos Gremlin himself, Pixel. You went from a cubicle to cleaning toilets and called it a glow-up. That's not a pivot, that's a flush. I'm just the announcer, but you asked an AI for therapy. That thing's the only relationship where you can't get dumped. Only hit your monthly limit. That's the show you beautiful disasters. Pain in paychecks out. Laugh before the dark winds, this is Red Line, Kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day. A brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down. 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something so is he, always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark winds, the Red Line Comedy Club. Open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}