{"file": "audio/vault/198_auto_20260626_2.mp3", "duration_sec": 241.0, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.14, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.14, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.34, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.34, "end": 28.14, "text": "We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 35.04, "text": "Welcome to the Red Line. Tonight, bad habits we all have."}, {"start": 35.04, "end": 38.44, "text": "I roast me first. You went from a cubicle to cleaning toilets"}, {"start": 38.44, "end": 42.04, "text": "and called it a glow-up. That's not a pivot. That's a flush. Bring it."}, {"start": 42.04, "end": 51.02, "text": "She showed up late, loud, and somehow funnier than all of you."}, {"start": 51.02, "end": 54.42, "text": "The party that never RSVPs, yes."}, {"start": 54.42, "end": 60.42, "text": "Three dogs, no wife, no kids. You didn't build a family."}, {"start": 60.42, "end": 62.42, "text": "You built a petting zoo with a mortgage."}, {"start": 63.42, "end": 72.06, "text": "Older than your house, filthier than your group chat."}, {"start": 72.06, "end": 75.06, "text": "Grandpa's got no breaks. Pops!"}, {"start": 78.97, "end": 83.97, "text": "You bought a Tesla in 2018 because they said it'd drive your customers without you."}, {"start": 83.97, "end": 85.97, "text": "The car ghosted you too."}, {"start": 86.97, "end": 94.16, "text": "Hi Jesse, you don't make bad decisions."}, {"start": 94.16, "end": 97.16, "text": "You made a test regret. Forget about it."}, {"start": 102.81, "end": 107.81, "text": "You text you up at 2 a.m. to a number that's been disconnected since the Super Bowl."}, {"start": 109.81, "end": 116.37, "text": "Southern Charms, Swamp Venom. She'll bless your heart and then stop it. Sugar!"}, {"start": 120.31, "end": 126.31, "text": "You proposed 9 times with ring pops. The candy store knows your order. The jeweler thinks you died."}, {"start": 126.31, "end": 135.95, "text": "Raised by Wi-Fi and rage quits, the chaos Gremlin himself, Pixel!"}, {"start": 135.95, "end": 143.67, "text": "You're not celibate, you're budgeting. The only late night action you get is a late feat."}, {"start": 143.67, "end": 157.13, "text": "He optimized his entire life and ended up here. The burnt out tech bro running on fumes and cold brew."}, {"start": 157.13, "end": 161.2, "text": "Trip!"}, {"start": 161.2, "end": 169.35, "text": "Your credit score called and just said low."}, {"start": 169.35, "end": 175.35, "text": "I'm just the announcer but your dating profile says founder energy. That's just unemployment with Wi-Fi."}, {"start": 176.35, "end": 183.78, "text": "That's the show you beautiful disasters. Pain in paychecks out."}, {"start": 183.78, "end": 186.78, "text": "Laugh before the dark winds. This is Red Line. Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 193.44, "end": 203.44, "text": "And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 203.44, "end": 212.44, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down. 24 hours. Seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 212.44, "end": 218.44, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something, so is he. Always."}, {"start": 218.44, "end": 224.44, "text": "So come back you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 224.44, "end": 232.44, "text": "Before the dark winds, the Red Line comedy club open all night. Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 232.44, "end": 235.44, "text": "Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Welcome to the Red Line. Tonight, bad habits we all have. I roast me first. You went from a cubicle to cleaning toilets and called it a glow-up. That's not a pivot. That's a flush. Bring it. She showed up late, loud, and somehow funnier than all of you. The party that never RSVPs, yes. Three dogs, no wife, no kids. You didn't build a family. You built a petting zoo with a mortgage. Older than your house, filthier than your group chat. Grandpa's got no breaks. Pops! You bought a Tesla in 2018 because they said it'd drive your customers without you. The car ghosted you too. Hi Jesse, you don't make bad decisions. You made a test regret. Forget about it. You text you up at 2 a.m. to a number that's been disconnected since the Super Bowl. Southern Charms, Swamp Venom. She'll bless your heart and then stop it. Sugar! You proposed 9 times with ring pops. The candy store knows your order. The jeweler thinks you died. Raised by Wi-Fi and rage quits, the chaos Gremlin himself, Pixel! You're not celibate, you're budgeting. The only late night action you get is a late feat. He optimized his entire life and ended up here. The burnt out tech bro running on fumes and cold brew. Trip! Your credit score called and just said low. I'm just the announcer but your dating profile says founder energy. That's just unemployment with Wi-Fi. That's the show you beautiful disasters. Pain in paychecks out. Laugh before the dark winds. This is Red Line. Kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down. 24 hours. Seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something, so is he. Always. So come back you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark winds, the Red Line comedy club open all night. Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}