{"file": "audio/vault/192_four_colors_roast.mp3", "duration_sec": 249.0, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.04, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.04, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.24, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.24, "end": 26.74, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 26.74, "end": 28.24, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 28.24, "end": 35.75, "text": "In a world where one man invented a personality test and failed it,"}, {"start": 35.85, "end": 38.85, "text": "Red Line presents The Four Colors Roast."}, {"start": 38.85, "end": 45.78, "text": "Welcome, I roast me first."}, {"start": 45.78, "end": 47.38, "text": "I built the four color system,"}, {"start": 47.38, "end": 49.18, "text": "red the protector, green the thinker,"}, {"start": 49.18, "end": 51.18, "text": "blue the chameleon, yellow the hugger."}, {"start": 51.18, "end": 52.98, "text": "I'm supposedly a red."}, {"start": 52.98, "end": 56.18, "text": "The only thing I protected is my right to make bad decisions."}, {"start": 56.18, "end": 57.18, "text": "Bring it."}, {"start": 57.18, "end": 65.31, "text": "Hey Jesse, you got a color for every personality,"}, {"start": 65.31, "end": 68.31, "text": "but no color for broken lion about it."}, {"start": 68.31, "end": 69.91, "text": "Where's my chart?"}, {"start": 69.91, "end": 73.31, "text": "The one that's just the guy avoiding his feelings in a Tesla."}, {"start": 81.99, "end": 86.19, "text": "Structurally, Jesse, you reduced all human nature to four crayons."}, {"start": 86.19, "end": 91.39, "text": "By that logic, your love life is a printer out of every color and still flashing error."}, {"start": 99.25, "end": 101.35, "text": "No filter, no mercy, no chill."}, {"start": 101.35, "end": 107.98, "text": "All hail the queen of the burn unit, Queen Stank."}, {"start": 107.98, "end": 109.58, "text": "Baby, you're a red."}, {"start": 109.58, "end": 112.98, "text": "Honey, you're more of a bruise started red, went blue,"}, {"start": 112.98, "end": 115.98, "text": "and now everybody just pokes it to see if it still hurts."}, {"start": 119.28, "end": 124.25, "text": "Southern charm, swamp venom."}, {"start": 124.25, "end": 126.25, "text": "She'll bless your heart and then stop it."}, {"start": 126.25, "end": 130.16, "text": "Sugar."}, {"start": 130.16, "end": 131.16, "text": "Bless your heart."}, {"start": 131.16, "end": 133.16, "text": "You can read a whole room by its colors,"}, {"start": 133.16, "end": 135.16, "text": "but you can't read the one that said,"}, {"start": 135.16, "end": 137.16, "text": "I love you before she left."}, {"start": 137.16, "end": 140.16, "text": "The chart works on everybody, but you sugar."}, {"start": 144.16, "end": 147.91, "text": "Real talk."}, {"start": 147.91, "end": 151.11, "text": "You monetize telling people who they are because deep down,"}, {"start": 151.11, "end": 152.91, "text": "you've got no idea who you are."}, {"start": 152.91, "end": 154.91, "text": "That's not a personality test."}, {"start": 154.91, "end": 157.41, "text": "That's a cry for help with a color wheel."}, {"start": 157.41, "end": 165.62, "text": "I got one."}, {"start": 165.62, "end": 168.62, "text": "Jesse's true color isn't red, green, blue, or yellow."}, {"start": 168.62, "end": 172.62, "text": "It's the color of a 2am gas station and a maxed out card."}, {"start": 180.7, "end": 181.7, "text": "That's the show."}, {"start": 181.7, "end": 186.7, "text": "Four colors, one broke genius and a personality test I keep failing live on stage."}, {"start": 186.7, "end": 189.2, "text": "But hey, the colors of my pain pay the bills."}, {"start": 189.2, "end": 190.7, "text": "Laugh before the dark wins."}, {"start": 190.7, "end": 192.2, "text": "This is Red Line."}, {"start": 192.2, "end": 201.35, "text": "Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 201.35, "end": 203.35, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 203.35, "end": 211.35, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 211.35, "end": 217.35, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 217.35, "end": 220.35, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 220.35, "end": 222.35, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 222.35, "end": 226.35, "text": "Going through something, so is he, always."}, {"start": 226.35, "end": 228.35, "text": "So come back you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 228.35, "end": 232.35, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 232.35, "end": 236.35, "text": "Before the dark wins, the Red Line Comedy Club open all night."}, {"start": 236.35, "end": 240.35, "text": "Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 240.35, "end": 241.35, "text": "Subscribe."}, {"start": 241.35, "end": 242.85, "text": "He needs the attention."}, {"start": 242.85, "end": 243.35, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. In a world where one man invented a personality test and failed it, Red Line presents The Four Colors Roast. Welcome, I roast me first. I built the four color system, red the protector, green the thinker, blue the chameleon, yellow the hugger. I'm supposedly a red. The only thing I protected is my right to make bad decisions. Bring it. Hey Jesse, you got a color for every personality, but no color for broken lion about it. Where's my chart? The one that's just the guy avoiding his feelings in a Tesla. Structurally, Jesse, you reduced all human nature to four crayons. By that logic, your love life is a printer out of every color and still flashing error. No filter, no mercy, no chill. All hail the queen of the burn unit, Queen Stank. Baby, you're a red. Honey, you're more of a bruise started red, went blue, and now everybody just pokes it to see if it still hurts. Southern charm, swamp venom. She'll bless your heart and then stop it. Sugar. Bless your heart. You can read a whole room by its colors, but you can't read the one that said, I love you before she left. The chart works on everybody, but you sugar. Real talk. You monetize telling people who they are because deep down, you've got no idea who you are. That's not a personality test. That's a cry for help with a color wheel. I got one. Jesse's true color isn't red, green, blue, or yellow. It's the color of a 2am gas station and a maxed out card. That's the show. Four colors, one broke genius and a personality test I keep failing live on stage. But hey, the colors of my pain pay the bills. Laugh before the dark wins. This is Red Line. Kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something, so is he, always. So come back you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark wins, the Red Line Comedy Club open all night. Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}