{"file": "audio/vault/191_rideshare_years.mp3", "duration_sec": 256.0, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.04, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software,"}, {"start": 19.04, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.24, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.24, "end": 26.74, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 26.74, "end": 28.24, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 28.24, "end": 33.68, "text": "In a world of 11 years,"}, {"start": 33.68, "end": 36.78, "text": "400,000 miles and one star."}, {"start": 36.88, "end": 45.34, "text": "Red Line presents the Ride Share Years."}, {"start": 45.34, "end": 47.24, "text": "Welcome you backseat degenerates."}, {"start": 47.24, "end": 48.24, "text": "I roast me first."}, {"start": 48.24, "end": 50.74, "text": "I drove youber and lift for 11 years."}, {"start": 50.74, "end": 54.24, "text": "I've heard more confessions than a priest and got tipped less than one."}, {"start": 54.24, "end": 60.08, "text": "Bring it."}, {"start": 60.08, "end": 63.58, "text": "Hey Jesse, 11 years drive in strangers"}, {"start": 63.58, "end": 68.28, "text": "and you still can't get anyone to ride shotgun in your actual life."}, {"start": 68.28, "end": 73.08, "text": "You moved the city full of people and ended up exactly nowhere."}, {"start": 81.32, "end": 85.32, "text": "Honey, 11 years of you can just drop me here."}, {"start": 85.32, "end": 89.82, "text": "That's also every relationship you've had."}, {"start": 89.82, "end": 93.02, "text": "You're a professional at talking people,"}, {"start": 93.02, "end": 97.82, "text": "exactly as far as they wanted, and no further."}, {"start": 104.39, "end": 107.09, "text": "He optimized his entire life and ended up here."}, {"start": 107.09, "end": 110.29, "text": "The burnt out tech bro running on fumes and cold brew."}, {"start": 110.29, "end": 114.36, "text": "Trip!"}, {"start": 114.46, "end": 118.76, "text": "Jesse, you quit ride share by deleting the app at a red light after 11 years."}, {"start": 118.76, "end": 120.06, "text": "That's not a resignation."}, {"start": 120.06, "end": 130.18, "text": "That's a man rage quitting his own decade."}, {"start": 130.18, "end": 132.48, "text": "No filter, no mercy, no chill."}, {"start": 132.48, "end": 134.28, "text": "All hail the queen of the burn unit."}, {"start": 134.28, "end": 138.92, "text": "Queen Stank!"}, {"start": 138.92, "end": 142.72, "text": "Baby, a one star review ends you in that game."}, {"start": 142.72, "end": 145.02, "text": "Imagine if dating worked like that."}, {"start": 145.02, "end": 148.72, "text": "You'd have been deactivated after Fion say number three."}, {"start": 148.82, "end": 150.32, "text": "Oh!"}, {"start": 155.61, "end": 162.21, "text": "Real talk, 11 years, and the only thing that consistently got in your car and stayed was the smell."}, {"start": 162.21, "end": 165.21, "text": "That's the most loyal passenger you ever had."}, {"start": 165.21, "end": 179.2, "text": "I got one. Jesse spent 11 years giving everybody a ride home and still doesn't have anybody to come home to."}, {"start": 179.2, "end": 191.8, "text": "That's the show. 11 years half a million miles, a thousand strangers secrets,"}, {"start": 191.8, "end": 195.2, "text": "and I drove away from all of it to clean toilets and tell jokes."}, {"start": 195.2, "end": 197.6, "text": "Promotion, laugh before the dark winds."}, {"start": 197.6, "end": 200.1, "text": "This is Red Line, kill Jesse."}, {"start": 200.1, "end": 210.18, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 210.18, "end": 218.38, "text": "But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 218.38, "end": 224.18, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 224.18, "end": 227.58, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 227.58, "end": 229.58, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 229.98, "end": 233.48, "text": "Going through something so is he always."}, {"start": 233.48, "end": 235.78, "text": "So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 235.78, "end": 240.78, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds."}, {"start": 240.78, "end": 247.38, "text": "The Red Line Comedy Club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 247.38, "end": 249.88, "text": "Subscribe, he needs the attention."}, {"start": 249.88, "end": 250.88, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software, and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. In a world of 11 years, 400,000 miles and one star. Red Line presents the Ride Share Years. Welcome you backseat degenerates. I roast me first. I drove youber and lift for 11 years. I've heard more confessions than a priest and got tipped less than one. Bring it. Hey Jesse, 11 years drive in strangers and you still can't get anyone to ride shotgun in your actual life. You moved the city full of people and ended up exactly nowhere. Honey, 11 years of you can just drop me here. That's also every relationship you've had. You're a professional at talking people, exactly as far as they wanted, and no further. He optimized his entire life and ended up here. The burnt out tech bro running on fumes and cold brew. Trip! Jesse, you quit ride share by deleting the app at a red light after 11 years. That's not a resignation. That's a man rage quitting his own decade. No filter, no mercy, no chill. All hail the queen of the burn unit. Queen Stank! Baby, a one star review ends you in that game. Imagine if dating worked like that. You'd have been deactivated after Fion say number three. Oh! Real talk, 11 years, and the only thing that consistently got in your car and stayed was the smell. That's the most loyal passenger you ever had. I got one. Jesse spent 11 years giving everybody a ride home and still doesn't have anybody to come home to. That's the show. 11 years half a million miles, a thousand strangers secrets, and I drove away from all of it to clean toilets and tell jokes. Promotion, laugh before the dark winds. This is Red Line, kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something so is he always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds. The Red Line Comedy Club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}