{"file": "audio/vault/18_old_vs_young_trending.mp3", "duration_sec": 183.9, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.84, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 2.84, "end": 5.54, "text": "Adults only, no kids, no mercy."}, {"start": 5.54, "end": 8.24, "text": "For 15 years, one show ruled comedy."}, {"start": 8.24, "end": 10.24, "text": "Tonight, we come for the crown."}, {"start": 10.24, "end": 13.88, "text": "This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer,"}, {"start": 13.88, "end": 16.68, "text": "24 hours a day, seven days a week."}, {"start": 16.68, "end": 20.44, "text": "We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years."}, {"start": 20.44, "end": 24.12, "text": "Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh."}, {"start": 24.12, "end": 25.36, "text": "Jesse!"}, {"start": 25.36, "end": 27.0, "text": "Tonight, old versus young,"}, {"start": 27.0, "end": 31.0, "text": "I'm 50, two old for TikTok and two young for the early bird special."}, {"start": 31.0, "end": 33.44, "text": "I'm the comedy equivalent of a flip phone."}, {"start": 33.44, "end": 40.97, "text": "Young blood's old timers, let's geo, pixel fire."}, {"start": 40.97, "end": 44.57, "text": "Hopps, you're so old your first world cup was an actual war."}, {"start": 44.57, "end": 46.41, "text": "You don't even know what's trending."}, {"start": 46.41, "end": 50.21, "text": "There's a baby monkey online getting more emotional support right now"}, {"start": 50.21, "end": 62.89, "text": "than your whole generation gave each other in 80 years."}, {"start": 62.89, "end": 64.17, "text": "John, I'm 81."}, {"start": 64.17, "end": 67.53, "text": "I have buried people younger than your attention span."}, {"start": 67.53, "end": 71.17, "text": "Your kids cried for a week over an Olivia Rodrigo album."}, {"start": 71.17, "end": 75.21, "text": "In my day, we had real problems, polio and our fathers."}, {"start": 75.21, "end": 88.14, "text": "Pops, you think House of the Dragon is a Chinese restaurant?"}, {"start": 88.14, "end": 90.5, "text": "Young people built the entire internet."}, {"start": 90.5, "end": 102.71, "text": "Old people built a recliner-shaped dent and a list of grievances."}, {"start": 102.71, "end": 105.83, "text": "Honey, your generation does a little dance on the phone for a living"}, {"start": 105.83, "end": 107.31, "text": "and calls it a career."}, {"start": 107.31, "end": 118.39, "text": "I worked 40 years and the only trend I ever followed was my husband to his grave."}, {"start": 118.39, "end": 119.79, "text": "See, I'm 50."}, {"start": 119.83, "end": 122.91, "text": "I remember a world before phones and I know what Rizz is,"}, {"start": 122.91, "end": 129.06, "text": "which makes me too cultured for either of you."}, {"start": 129.06, "end": 138.5, "text": "Jesse 50 in single, you're not old or young, you're expired."}, {"start": 138.5, "end": 140.14, "text": "And that's the war, folks."}, {"start": 140.14, "end": 142.06, "text": "Young, old, one of you can't pay attention."}, {"start": 142.06, "end": 143.74, "text": "The other can't pay for the medication."}, {"start": 143.74, "end": 145.62, "text": "And I'm stuck in the middle at 50 Googling"}, {"start": 145.62, "end": 147.98, "text": "is my back pain a world cup injury."}, {"start": 147.98, "end": 149.58, "text": "We all get old, we all were young,"}, {"start": 149.58, "end": 152.18, "text": "and we all end up confused by the remote."}, {"start": 152.18, "end": 153.98, "text": "The hero gets the last laugh."}, {"start": 153.98, "end": 155.3, "text": "This is Red Line."}, {"start": 155.3, "end": 162.29, "text": "Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 162.29, "end": 163.57, "text": "That's our show."}, {"start": 163.57, "end": 164.77, "text": "But we never stop."}, {"start": 164.77, "end": 169.37, "text": "New comedy 24-7 and a two-hour kill Jesse special four times a month."}, {"start": 169.37, "end": 172.57, "text": "We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days."}, {"start": 172.57, "end": 175.73, "text": "So come back tomorrow and the day after because at Red Line,"}, {"start": 175.73, "end": 177.37, "text": "the carnival never closes."}, {"start": 177.37, "end": 180.25, "text": "Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend."}, {"start": 180.25, "end": 181.97, "text": "This is bombed.app."}, {"start": 181.97, "end": 183.77, "text": "Good night and stay unhinged."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLadies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club. Adults only, no kids, no mercy. For 15 years, one show ruled comedy. Tonight, we come for the crown. This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years. Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh. Jesse! Tonight, old versus young, I'm 50, two old for TikTok and two young for the early bird special. I'm the comedy equivalent of a flip phone. Young blood's old timers, let's geo, pixel fire. Hopps, you're so old your first world cup was an actual war. You don't even know what's trending. There's a baby monkey online getting more emotional support right now than your whole generation gave each other in 80 years. John, I'm 81. I have buried people younger than your attention span. Your kids cried for a week over an Olivia Rodrigo album. In my day, we had real problems, polio and our fathers. Pops, you think House of the Dragon is a Chinese restaurant? Young people built the entire internet. Old people built a recliner-shaped dent and a list of grievances. Honey, your generation does a little dance on the phone for a living and calls it a career. I worked 40 years and the only trend I ever followed was my husband to his grave. See, I'm 50. I remember a world before phones and I know what Rizz is, which makes me too cultured for either of you. Jesse 50 in single, you're not old or young, you're expired. And that's the war, folks. Young, old, one of you can't pay attention. The other can't pay for the medication. And I'm stuck in the middle at 50 Googling is my back pain a world cup injury. We all get old, we all were young, and we all end up confused by the remote. The hero gets the last laugh. This is Red Line. Kill Jesse. That's our show. But we never stop. New comedy 24-7 and a two-hour kill Jesse special four times a month. We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days. So come back tomorrow and the day after because at Red Line, the carnival never closes. Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend. This is bombed.app. Good night and stay unhinged.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}