{"file": "audio/vault/189_body_at_fifty.mp3", "duration_sec": 255.5, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 18.94, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software,"}, {"start": 18.94, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.24, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.24, "end": 28.24, "text": "We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 28.24, "end": 35.25, "text": "In a world where everything that used to work now comes with a co-pay,"}, {"start": 35.25, "end": 37.85, "text": "Red Line presents The Body at 50."}, {"start": 37.85, "end": 45.72, "text": "Welcome you crumbling animals, I roast me first."}, {"start": 45.72, "end": 48.32, "text": "At 50, my body sounds like a haunted house."}, {"start": 48.32, "end": 53.72, "text": "I stand up and it goes crack, pop, and a noise I can only describe as regret with a spine."}, {"start": 53.72, "end": 54.72, "text": "Bring it."}, {"start": 54.72, "end": 62.27, "text": "Older than your house, filthier than your group chat,"}, {"start": 62.27, "end": 64.27, "text": "Grandpa's got no breaks."}, {"start": 64.27, "end": 65.27, "text": "Pops!"}, {"start": 65.27, "end": 70.68, "text": "Kid 50, you're a baby."}, {"start": 70.68, "end": 74.68, "text": "But I'll tell you, your knees already filed for early retirement,"}, {"start": 74.78, "end": 78.78, "text": "and you'll back the only thing in your life that's consistently tight."}, {"start": 86.25, "end": 88.25, "text": "No filter, no mercy, no chill,"}, {"start": 88.25, "end": 94.86, "text": "all hail the Queen of the Burn Unit, Queen Stank!"}, {"start": 94.86, "end": 98.36, "text": "Baby, you pulled a muscle bending to pick up a quarter."}, {"start": 98.36, "end": 101.36, "text": "You didn't get the quarter and you got physical therapy."}, {"start": 101.36, "end": 104.36, "text": "That's a negative return on a coin."}, {"start": 104.36, "end": 113.32, "text": "He optimized his entire life and ended up here."}, {"start": 113.32, "end": 116.32, "text": "The burnt out tech bro running on fumes and cold brew."}, {"start": 116.42, "end": 120.52, "text": "Trip!"}, {"start": 120.52, "end": 123.82, "text": "Jesse, you've got more apps tracking your sleep than hours of sleep."}, {"start": 123.82, "end": 135.86, "text": "Your smartwatch told you to stand and you said I can't, the floor and eye are in a fight."}, {"start": 135.86, "end": 140.56, "text": "Baby at your age, getting lucky means the pharmacy had your prescription in stock."}, {"start": 140.56, "end": 143.86, "text": "And honey, that's a better night than most of your dates."}, {"start": 150.44, "end": 152.24, "text": "Aegec."}, {"start": 153.24, "end": 154.84, "text": "You warm up to go to bed now."}, {"start": 154.84, "end": 157.14, "text": "You stretch, you hydrate."}, {"start": 157.14, "end": 160.54, "text": "You set three alarms for a nap."}, {"start": 160.54, "end": 166.54, "text": "Your body's a vintage car, runs great, costs of fortune, won't start in the cold."}, {"start": 173.92, "end": 174.92, "text": "I got one."}, {"start": 174.92, "end": 178.12, "text": "Jesse's body and his bank account both said not tonight,"}, {"start": 178.12, "end": 180.32, "text": "and for once they agreed on something."}, {"start": 188.82, "end": 190.82, "text": "That's the show you achy degenerates."}, {"start": 190.82, "end": 193.42, "text": "50 years old held together by Adveline's spiked,"}, {"start": 193.42, "end": 195.62, "text": "still standing slowly with a noise."}, {"start": 195.82, "end": 198.82, "text": "Laugh before the dark winds, this is Red Line."}, {"start": 198.82, "end": 199.82, "text": "Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 199.82, "end": 210.26, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 210.26, "end": 218.26, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 218.26, "end": 224.06, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 224.06, "end": 227.46, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 227.46, "end": 229.46, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 229.46, "end": 231.96, "text": "Going through something, so is he."}, {"start": 231.96, "end": 232.96, "text": "Always."}, {"start": 232.96, "end": 235.36, "text": "So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 235.36, "end": 240.36, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds."}, {"start": 240.36, "end": 246.86, "text": "The Red Line comedy club, open all night because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 246.86, "end": 249.36, "text": "Subscribe, he needs the attention."}, {"start": 249.36, "end": 250.16, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software, and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. In a world where everything that used to work now comes with a co-pay, Red Line presents The Body at 50. Welcome you crumbling animals, I roast me first. At 50, my body sounds like a haunted house. I stand up and it goes crack, pop, and a noise I can only describe as regret with a spine. Bring it. Older than your house, filthier than your group chat, Grandpa's got no breaks. Pops! Kid 50, you're a baby. But I'll tell you, your knees already filed for early retirement, and you'll back the only thing in your life that's consistently tight. No filter, no mercy, no chill, all hail the Queen of the Burn Unit, Queen Stank! Baby, you pulled a muscle bending to pick up a quarter. You didn't get the quarter and you got physical therapy. That's a negative return on a coin. He optimized his entire life and ended up here. The burnt out tech bro running on fumes and cold brew. Trip! Jesse, you've got more apps tracking your sleep than hours of sleep. Your smartwatch told you to stand and you said I can't, the floor and eye are in a fight. Baby at your age, getting lucky means the pharmacy had your prescription in stock. And honey, that's a better night than most of your dates. Aegec. You warm up to go to bed now. You stretch, you hydrate. You set three alarms for a nap. Your body's a vintage car, runs great, costs of fortune, won't start in the cold. I got one. Jesse's body and his bank account both said not tonight, and for once they agreed on something. That's the show you achy degenerates. 50 years old held together by Adveline's spiked, still standing slowly with a noise. Laugh before the dark winds, this is Red Line. Kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something, so is he. Always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds. The Red Line comedy club, open all night because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}