{"file": "audio/vault/186_cleaning_confessions.mp3", "duration_sec": 254.6, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth with a headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.04, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.04, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.24, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.24, "end": 26.74, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 26.74, "end": 28.14, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 36.11, "text": "In a world where one man enters strangers' homes and sees what they pray,"}, {"start": 36.11, "end": 38.01, "text": "nobody sees."}, {"start": 38.01, "end": 46.96, "text": "Red Line presents cleaning business confessions."}, {"start": 46.96, "end": 48.46, "text": "Welcome you filthy animals."}, {"start": 48.46, "end": 49.66, "text": "I roast me first."}, {"start": 49.66, "end": 53.16, "text": "People hire me to deep clean, then act shocked I saw everything."}, {"start": 53.16, "end": 57.66, "text": "Ma'am, I found a charging cable, a divorce, and a second family living in the garage."}, {"start": 57.66, "end": 63.6, "text": "Bring it."}, {"start": 63.6, "end": 67.1, "text": "Hey Jesse, you don't need a background check on your clients."}, {"start": 67.1, "end": 70.2, "text": "That junk drawer tells the whole story."}, {"start": 70.2, "end": 75.4, "text": "You've solved more cold cases than the FBI and got paid in cash in trauma."}, {"start": 76.0, "end": 85.91, "text": "No filter, no mercy, no chill."}, {"start": 85.91, "end": 89.41, "text": "All hail the Queen of the Burn Unit, Queen Stank."}, {"start": 89.41, "end": 95.35, "text": "Baby, you scrub other people's mess all day,"}, {"start": 95.35, "end": 97.25, "text": "then go home to your disaster."}, {"start": 97.25, "end": 100.25, "text": "You're a janitor for everybody's life but your own."}, {"start": 100.25, "end": 102.25, "text": "Physician, Mop Thysat."}, {"start": 102.25, "end": 111.84, "text": "Older than your house, filthier than your group chat."}, {"start": 111.84, "end": 113.54, "text": "Grandpa's got no breaks."}, {"start": 113.54, "end": 115.04, "text": "Pops!"}, {"start": 118.35, "end": 122.35, "text": "Kid, in my day, we cleaned our own filth and called it shame."}, {"start": 122.35, "end": 125.55, "text": "You turned strangers shame into a small business."}, {"start": 125.55, "end": 128.55, "text": "That's the American dream with rubber gloves."}, {"start": 135.9, "end": 137.2, "text": "Real talk, Jesse."}, {"start": 137.2, "end": 140.0, "text": "You've seen the inside of more homes than a realtor,"}, {"start": 140.0, "end": 142.9, "text": "and the inside of more fridges than a health inspector."}, {"start": 142.9, "end": 147.8, "text": "And you still can't get invited to dinner."}, {"start": 153.63, "end": 158.43, "text": "You found a stove so dirty it had rings like a tree."}, {"start": 158.43, "end": 161.33, "text": "You could carbonate that grease."}, {"start": 161.33, "end": 163.53, "text": "That's not a kitchen."}, {"start": 163.53, "end": 168.03, "text": "That's an archeological dig with a smoke alarm."}, {"start": 175.02, "end": 176.02, "text": "I got one."}, {"start": 176.02, "end": 177.82, "text": "Jesse's seen everyone's dirty secrets"}, {"start": 177.82, "end": 180.82, "text": "but his own laundry's been soaking since the Super Bowl."}, {"start": 189.32, "end": 191.82, "text": "That's the show I clean the messes nobody admits to"}, {"start": 191.82, "end": 194.92, "text": "and unlike my exes, the filth always calls me back."}, {"start": 195.02, "end": 197.82, "text": "Lat before the dark winds, this is Red Line."}, {"start": 197.82, "end": 206.96, "text": "Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 206.96, "end": 209.36, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 209.36, "end": 213.56, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour"}, {"start": 213.56, "end": 217.46, "text": "of every single day of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 217.46, "end": 220.56, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down."}, {"start": 220.56, "end": 223.16, "text": "24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 223.16, "end": 226.66, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 226.66, "end": 228.66, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 228.66, "end": 232.16, "text": "Going through something so is he, always."}, {"start": 232.16, "end": 234.46, "text": "So come back you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 234.46, "end": 238.06, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh"}, {"start": 238.06, "end": 240.96, "text": "before the dark winds, the Red Line comedy club."}, {"start": 240.96, "end": 243.56, "text": "Open all night because somewhere out there,"}, {"start": 243.56, "end": 246.06, "text": "it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 246.06, "end": 248.56, "text": "Subscribe, he needs the attention."}, {"start": 248.56, "end": 250.06, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth with a headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. In a world where one man enters strangers' homes and sees what they pray, nobody sees. Red Line presents cleaning business confessions. Welcome you filthy animals. I roast me first. People hire me to deep clean, then act shocked I saw everything. Ma'am, I found a charging cable, a divorce, and a second family living in the garage. Bring it. Hey Jesse, you don't need a background check on your clients. That junk drawer tells the whole story. You've solved more cold cases than the FBI and got paid in cash in trauma. No filter, no mercy, no chill. All hail the Queen of the Burn Unit, Queen Stank. Baby, you scrub other people's mess all day, then go home to your disaster. You're a janitor for everybody's life but your own. Physician, Mop Thysat. Older than your house, filthier than your group chat. Grandpa's got no breaks. Pops! Kid, in my day, we cleaned our own filth and called it shame. You turned strangers shame into a small business. That's the American dream with rubber gloves. Real talk, Jesse. You've seen the inside of more homes than a realtor, and the inside of more fridges than a health inspector. And you still can't get invited to dinner. You found a stove so dirty it had rings like a tree. You could carbonate that grease. That's not a kitchen. That's an archeological dig with a smoke alarm. I got one. Jesse's seen everyone's dirty secrets but his own laundry's been soaking since the Super Bowl. That's the show I clean the messes nobody admits to and unlike my exes, the filth always calls me back. Lat before the dark winds, this is Red Line. Kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down. 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something so is he, always. So come back you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds, the Red Line comedy club. Open all night because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}