{"file": "audio/vault/185_oil_vs_electric.mp3", "duration_sec": 283.5, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.14, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.14, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.34, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.34, "end": 26.74, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 26.74, "end": 28.14, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 34.18, "text": "In a world running out of gas and patience,"}, {"start": 34.18, "end": 38.58, "text": "one broke man on his third Tesla believes he's single-handedly saving the planet."}, {"start": 38.58, "end": 46.74, "text": "Red Line presents Oil vs Electric."}, {"start": 46.74, "end": 48.34, "text": "Welcome you eco-de-generates."}, {"start": 48.34, "end": 49.34, "text": "I roast me first."}, {"start": 49.34, "end": 50.74, "text": "I'm on my third Tesla."}, {"start": 50.74, "end": 54.94, "text": "I can't afford rent but I'm saving the planet one lease I can't cover at a time."}, {"start": 54.94, "end": 55.74, "text": "I'm not broke."}, {"start": 55.74, "end": 58.34, "text": "I'm carbon neutral and emotionally bankrupt."}, {"start": 58.34, "end": 64.22, "text": "Bring it."}, {"start": 64.22, "end": 65.22, "text": "Older than your house,"}, {"start": 65.22, "end": 66.82, "text": "filthier than your group chat,"}, {"start": 66.82, "end": 68.62, "text": "grandpa's got no brakes."}, {"start": 68.62, "end": 72.96, "text": "Pops!"}, {"start": 72.96, "end": 76.56, "text": "Kid, in my day, we had a V8 and a clear conscience."}, {"start": 76.56, "end": 79.96, "text": "You drive a battery on wheels and still feel guilty."}, {"start": 79.96, "end": 82.36, "text": "You found a way to be broke and smug."}, {"start": 82.36, "end": 91.72, "text": "That's a new kind of stupid."}, {"start": 91.72, "end": 94.32, "text": "He optimized his entire life and ended up here."}, {"start": 94.32, "end": 97.32, "text": "The burnt out tech bro running on fumes and cold brew."}, {"start": 97.32, "end": 98.32, "text": "Trip!"}, {"start": 98.32, "end": 102.99, "text": "Jesse, you think you're green."}, {"start": 102.99, "end": 105.79, "text": "Bro, that lithium got mined by a machine that runs on diesel,"}, {"start": 105.79, "end": 109.39, "text": "charged on a grid burning coal to drive you to clean a house with bleach."}, {"start": 109.39, "end": 112.79, "text": "You're not saving the planet, you're just moving the smoke where you can't see it."}, {"start": 112.79, "end": 122.74, "text": "Hi Jesse, third Tesla,"}, {"start": 122.74, "end": 127.34, "text": "the first one was supposed to drive your customers without you in 2018."}, {"start": 127.34, "end": 128.34, "text": "It didn't."}, {"start": 128.34, "end": 130.74, "text": "So you bought two more out of spite."}, {"start": 130.74, "end": 132.34, "text": "That's not eco-friendly."}, {"start": 132.34, "end": 135.74, "text": "That's a hostage situation with the manufacturer."}, {"start": 135.74, "end": 139.74, "text": "Oh!"}, {"start": 139.74, "end": 145.78, "text": "Real math, Jesse."}, {"start": 145.78, "end": 149.38, "text": "You spent EV money, you didn't have to save gas money, you weren't spending."}, {"start": 149.38, "end": 152.38, "text": "On a planet that's gonna outlive your credit score either way."}, {"start": 152.38, "end": 155.18, "text": "The only thing you electrified was your debt."}, {"start": 155.18, "end": 162.22, "text": "Oh!"}, {"start": 162.22, "end": 164.22, "text": "No filter, no mercy, no chill."}, {"start": 164.22, "end": 167.22, "text": "All hail the Queen of the Burn Unit, Queen Stank!"}, {"start": 167.22, "end": 174.23, "text": "Baby, you got range, anxiety, and abandonment issues."}, {"start": 174.23, "end": 177.23, "text": "So every road trip is just you,"}, {"start": 177.23, "end": 181.23, "text": "and the car, both afraid of running out before we reach somewhere that nevs us."}, {"start": 181.23, "end": 188.27, "text": "Oh!"}, {"start": 188.27, "end": 196.9, "text": "The car and I have the same issues, that's why it gets me."}, {"start": 196.9, "end": 198.1, "text": "I got one."}, {"start": 198.1, "end": 201.7, "text": "Jesse's so committed to the environment he recycles his excess."}, {"start": 201.7, "end": 206.1, "text": "Three Tesla's nine fiances, zero of them, return the favor."}, {"start": 206.1, "end": 216.26, "text": "That's the show you beautiful emissions."}, {"start": 216.26, "end": 221.46, "text": "Oil electric doesn't matter, I'm broken a car that drives itself better than I drive my life."}, {"start": 221.46, "end": 223.66, "text": "At least the Tesla knows where it's going."}, {"start": 223.66, "end": 225.26, "text": "Laugh before the dark winds."}, {"start": 225.26, "end": 226.66, "text": "This is red line."}, {"start": 226.66, "end": 235.67, "text": "Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 235.67, "end": 238.07, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 238.07, "end": 246.27, "text": "But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 246.27, "end": 251.87, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 251.87, "end": 255.47, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 255.47, "end": 257.47, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 257.47, "end": 260.87, "text": "Going through something so is he always."}, {"start": 260.87, "end": 263.27, "text": "So come back you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 263.27, "end": 268.27, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds."}, {"start": 268.27, "end": 274.87, "text": "The red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 274.87, "end": 275.87, "text": "Subscribe."}, {"start": 275.87, "end": 277.37, "text": "He needs the attention."}, {"start": 277.37, "end": 278.87, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. In a world running out of gas and patience, one broke man on his third Tesla believes he's single-handedly saving the planet. Red Line presents Oil vs Electric. Welcome you eco-de-generates. I roast me first. I'm on my third Tesla. I can't afford rent but I'm saving the planet one lease I can't cover at a time. I'm not broke. I'm carbon neutral and emotionally bankrupt. Bring it. Older than your house, filthier than your group chat, grandpa's got no brakes. Pops! Kid, in my day, we had a V8 and a clear conscience. You drive a battery on wheels and still feel guilty. You found a way to be broke and smug. That's a new kind of stupid. He optimized his entire life and ended up here. The burnt out tech bro running on fumes and cold brew. Trip! Jesse, you think you're green. Bro, that lithium got mined by a machine that runs on diesel, charged on a grid burning coal to drive you to clean a house with bleach. You're not saving the planet, you're just moving the smoke where you can't see it. Hi Jesse, third Tesla, the first one was supposed to drive your customers without you in 2018. It didn't. So you bought two more out of spite. That's not eco-friendly. That's a hostage situation with the manufacturer. Oh! Real math, Jesse. You spent EV money, you didn't have to save gas money, you weren't spending. On a planet that's gonna outlive your credit score either way. The only thing you electrified was your debt. Oh! No filter, no mercy, no chill. All hail the Queen of the Burn Unit, Queen Stank! Baby, you got range, anxiety, and abandonment issues. So every road trip is just you, and the car, both afraid of running out before we reach somewhere that nevs us. Oh! The car and I have the same issues, that's why it gets me. I got one. Jesse's so committed to the environment he recycles his excess. Three Tesla's nine fiances, zero of them, return the favor. That's the show you beautiful emissions. Oil electric doesn't matter, I'm broken a car that drives itself better than I drive my life. At least the Tesla knows where it's going. Laugh before the dark winds. This is red line. Kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something so is he always. So come back you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds. The red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}