{"file": "audio/vault/176_auto_20260626_4.mp3", "duration_sec": 229.7, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.14, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.14, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.34, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.34, "end": 26.74, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 26.74, "end": 28.14, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 34.64, "text": "Welcome to the Red Line tonight, roast Jesse's choices."}, {"start": 34.64, "end": 35.64, "text": "I roast me first."}, {"start": 35.64, "end": 38.64, "text": "You apologize to a self-checkout machine this morning."}, {"start": 38.64, "end": 40.24, "text": "Out loud to a kiosk."}, {"start": 40.24, "end": 46.71, "text": "Bring it."}, {"start": 46.71, "end": 49.71, "text": "Your credit score called and just said LOL."}, {"start": 54.48, "end": 56.68, "text": "Three dogs, no wife, no kids."}, {"start": 56.68, "end": 58.08, "text": "You didn't build a family."}, {"start": 58.08, "end": 60.68, "text": "You built a petting zoo with a mortgage."}, {"start": 60.68, "end": 67.08, "text": "Oh!"}, {"start": 67.08, "end": 68.08, "text": "Hi Jesse."}, {"start": 68.08, "end": 72.48, "text": "You clean toilets all day and your own life's a bio hazard."}, {"start": 72.48, "end": 74.88, "text": "Physician, Moptize Self."}, {"start": 74.88, "end": 76.88, "text": "Forget about it."}, {"start": 77.88, "end": 85.51, "text": "Raised by Wi-Fi and Rage Quits, the kiosk Gremlin himself, Pixel."}, {"start": 85.51, "end": 92.39, "text": "You quit a state job with a pension to follow your passion."}, {"start": 92.39, "end": 94.39, "text": "Turns out your passion was leaving."}, {"start": 94.39, "end": 104.14, "text": "Loud enough for the cheap seats in the next county."}, {"start": 104.14, "end": 110.18, "text": "She loves you, she'll bury you big mama."}, {"start": 110.18, "end": 113.18, "text": "50 years old and your only dependence half tails."}, {"start": 113.18, "end": 119.8, "text": "All protein, one personality."}, {"start": 119.8, "end": 122.8, "text": "The Jim Bro who skipped leg day in therapy, skip."}, {"start": 126.71, "end": 136.77, "text": "You text you up at 2 a.m. to a number that's been disconnected since the Super Bowl."}, {"start": 136.77, "end": 140.77, "text": "Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags than a parade."}, {"start": 140.77, "end": 142.77, "text": "Your every man of error?"}, {"start": 142.77, "end": 146.94, "text": "Mickey."}, {"start": 146.94, "end": 157.51, "text": "You set five alarms, hate all five, and negotiate with the first one like it betrayed you."}, {"start": 157.51, "end": 164.51, "text": "I'm just the announcer but you have 14,000 unread emails in a five alarm panic about a text from March."}, {"start": 164.51, "end": 171.48, "text": "That's the show you beautiful disasters."}, {"start": 171.48, "end": 172.48, "text": "We check out."}, {"start": 172.48, "end": 182.14, "text": "Laff before the dark winds, this is Red Line, kill Jesse."}, {"start": 182.14, "end": 184.14, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 184.14, "end": 192.14, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 192.14, "end": 195.14, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down."}, {"start": 195.14, "end": 201.14, "text": "24 hours, seven days a week, fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 201.14, "end": 203.14, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 203.14, "end": 207.14, "text": "Going through something, so is he, always."}, {"start": 207.14, "end": 209.14, "text": "So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 209.14, "end": 213.14, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 213.14, "end": 221.14, "text": "Before the dark winds, the Red Line Comedy Club open all night because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 221.14, "end": 223.14, "text": "Subscribe, he needs the attention."}, {"start": 223.14, "end": 224.14, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Welcome to the Red Line tonight, roast Jesse's choices. I roast me first. You apologize to a self-checkout machine this morning. Out loud to a kiosk. Bring it. Your credit score called and just said LOL. Three dogs, no wife, no kids. You didn't build a family. You built a petting zoo with a mortgage. Oh! Hi Jesse. You clean toilets all day and your own life's a bio hazard. Physician, Moptize Self. Forget about it. Raised by Wi-Fi and Rage Quits, the kiosk Gremlin himself, Pixel. You quit a state job with a pension to follow your passion. Turns out your passion was leaving. Loud enough for the cheap seats in the next county. She loves you, she'll bury you big mama. 50 years old and your only dependence half tails. All protein, one personality. The Jim Bro who skipped leg day in therapy, skip. You text you up at 2 a.m. to a number that's been disconnected since the Super Bowl. Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags than a parade. Your every man of error? Mickey. You set five alarms, hate all five, and negotiate with the first one like it betrayed you. I'm just the announcer but you have 14,000 unread emails in a five alarm panic about a text from March. That's the show you beautiful disasters. We check out. Laff before the dark winds, this is Red Line, kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down. 24 hours, seven days a week, fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something, so is he, always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark winds, the Red Line Comedy Club open all night because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}