{"file": "audio/vault/167_colors_road_not_taken.mp3", "duration_sec": 310.1, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth with a headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.04, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software,"}, {"start": 19.04, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.24, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.24, "end": 26.74, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 26.74, "end": 28.24, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 28.24, "end": 34.05, "text": "In a world with two jessies,"}, {"start": 34.05, "end": 35.75, "text": "one who settled down,"}, {"start": 35.85, "end": 37.65, "text": "married two kids,"}, {"start": 37.65, "end": 39.05, "text": "a state pension,"}, {"start": 39.05, "end": 40.35, "text": "a minivan,"}, {"start": 40.35, "end": 42.85, "text": "and a soul-on-air plane mode,"}, {"start": 42.85, "end": 45.75, "text": "and one who blew it all up."}, {"start": 45.75, "end": 54.39, "text": "Colors of my pain, the road not taken."}, {"start": 54.39, "end": 56.09, "text": "Welcome you what if animals?"}, {"start": 56.09, "end": 59.09, "text": "Tonight the comics roast both lives the safe one I could have had"}, {"start": 59.09, "end": 62.39, "text": "and the gloriously FUCKED one I actually built."}, {"start": 62.39, "end": 63.49, "text": "I roast me first."}, {"start": 63.49, "end": 66.59, "text": "Somewhere out there is a Jesse with a pension and a lawn,"}, {"start": 66.59, "end": 69.29, "text": "and he's dead inside and I'm just dead broke."}, {"start": 69.29, "end": 75.08, "text": "Bring it."}, {"start": 75.18, "end": 76.98, "text": "I Jesse settled down."}, {"start": 76.98, "end": 78.48, "text": "You had a 401k,"}, {"start": 78.48, "end": 79.48, "text": "a wife,"}, {"start": 79.48, "end": 82.48, "text": "and a kid soccer game every Saturday."}, {"start": 82.48, "end": 84.28, "text": "This you has three dogs,"}, {"start": 84.28, "end": 85.28, "text": "a mop,"}, {"start": 85.28, "end": 88.28, "text": "and a restraining order from a self-checkout."}, {"start": 88.28, "end": 89.78, "text": "Same misery."}, {"start": 89.78, "end": 92.28, "text": "It was just has better stories."}, {"start": 92.28, "end": 104.37, "text": "Baby married with kids Jesse would be sitting in a park minivan"}, {"start": 104.37, "end": 106.87, "text": "at 9 p.m. eating a sandwich in the dark"}, {"start": 106.87, "end": 108.77, "text": "just to get five minutes alone."}, {"start": 108.77, "end": 112.17, "text": "Honey at least your loneliness has a stage."}, {"start": 112.17, "end": 113.17, "text": "Yeah."}, {"start": 118.6, "end": 122.2, "text": "Structurally both timelines fail the same exam."}, {"start": 122.2, "end": 126.8, "text": "The state job Jesse dies at a desk with a gold watch and a secret."}, {"start": 126.8, "end": 130.4, "text": "This Jesse dies at a mic with a credit card decline."}, {"start": 130.4, "end": 140.76, "text": "One's quieter neither's a win."}, {"start": 140.76, "end": 143.26, "text": "You want to know the road not taken Jesse?"}, {"start": 143.26, "end": 144.36, "text": "It's paved."}, {"start": 144.36, "end": 145.56, "text": "It's safe."}, {"start": 145.56, "end": 149.36, "text": "And it goes straight into a cul-de-sac of quiet desperation."}, {"start": 149.56, "end": 151.96, "text": "Oh, you didn't miss the exit."}, {"start": 151.96, "end": 155.56, "text": "You set the off-ramp on fire and called it comedy."}, {"start": 155.56, "end": 167.09, "text": "Oh."}, {"start": 167.09, "end": 175.21, "text": "He screamed my therapy bill Marcus."}, {"start": 175.21, "end": 176.61, "text": "Here's the math Jesse."}, {"start": 176.61, "end": 179.21, "text": "Pension you have security and no pulse."}, {"start": 179.21, "end": 181.81, "text": "Broke you has a pulse and no savings."}, {"start": 181.81, "end": 184.21, "text": "You traded the retirement plan for the punch line."}, {"start": 184.21, "end": 187.21, "text": "Worst financial decision, best comedy decision."}, {"start": 194.2, "end": 196.3, "text": "No filter, no mercy, no chill."}, {"start": 196.3, "end": 198.1, "text": "All hail the Queen of the Burn Unit."}, {"start": 198.1, "end": 202.91, "text": "Queen's tank."}, {"start": 202.91, "end": 206.81, "text": "Baby settled down Jesse and chaos Jesse meet in a bar."}, {"start": 206.81, "end": 210.61, "text": "And within five minutes, they're both crying about the same woman."}, {"start": 210.61, "end": 212.81, "text": "Different lives, same X."}, {"start": 212.81, "end": 214.31, "text": "That's not a fork in the road."}, {"start": 214.31, "end": 216.31, "text": "That's a circle."}, {"start": 216.31, "end": 223.87, "text": "I got one."}, {"start": 223.87, "end": 226.17, "text": "The road not taken had a white picket fence."}, {"start": 226.17, "end": 228.87, "text": "The road Jesse took had a yellow caution tape."}, {"start": 228.87, "end": 236.68, "text": "Both fenced him in."}, {"start": 236.68, "end": 238.58, "text": "That's the truth, you beautiful wreckage."}, {"start": 238.58, "end": 240.48, "text": "Maybe married with kids was safer."}, {"start": 240.48, "end": 242.38, "text": "Maybe the state job was smarter."}, {"start": 242.38, "end": 244.28, "text": "But the boring Jesse never got to stand here"}, {"start": 244.28, "end": 245.88, "text": "and make a room full of degenerates"}, {"start": 245.88, "end": 247.68, "text": "laugh at the colors of his pain."}, {"start": 247.68, "end": 249.38, "text": "I picked the loud life."}, {"start": 249.38, "end": 251.78, "text": "No refunds laugh before the dark winds."}, {"start": 251.78, "end": 253.18, "text": "This is Red Line."}, {"start": 253.18, "end": 262.29, "text": "Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 262.29, "end": 264.69, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 264.69, "end": 267.69, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute"}, {"start": 267.69, "end": 270.69, "text": "of every hour of every single day."}, {"start": 270.69, "end": 272.89, "text": "A brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 272.89, "end": 275.99, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down."}, {"start": 275.99, "end": 278.49, "text": "24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 278.49, "end": 281.99, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 281.99, "end": 283.99, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 283.99, "end": 286.49, "text": "Going through something, so is he."}, {"start": 286.49, "end": 287.49, "text": "Always."}, {"start": 287.49, "end": 289.89, "text": "So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 289.89, "end": 293.39, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 293.39, "end": 296.29, "text": "Before the dark winds, the Red Line comedy club."}, {"start": 296.29, "end": 297.39, "text": "Open all night."}, {"start": 297.39, "end": 301.39, "text": "Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 301.39, "end": 302.39, "text": "Subscribe."}, {"start": 302.39, "end": 303.89, "text": "He needs the attention."}, {"start": 303.89, "end": 304.89, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth with a headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software, and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. In a world with two jessies, one who settled down, married two kids, a state pension, a minivan, and a soul-on-air plane mode, and one who blew it all up. Colors of my pain, the road not taken. Welcome you what if animals? Tonight the comics roast both lives the safe one I could have had and the gloriously FUCKED one I actually built. I roast me first. Somewhere out there is a Jesse with a pension and a lawn, and he's dead inside and I'm just dead broke. Bring it. I Jesse settled down. You had a 401k, a wife, and a kid soccer game every Saturday. This you has three dogs, a mop, and a restraining order from a self-checkout. Same misery. It was just has better stories. Baby married with kids Jesse would be sitting in a park minivan at 9 p.m. eating a sandwich in the dark just to get five minutes alone. Honey at least your loneliness has a stage. Yeah. Structurally both timelines fail the same exam. The state job Jesse dies at a desk with a gold watch and a secret. This Jesse dies at a mic with a credit card decline. One's quieter neither's a win. You want to know the road not taken Jesse? It's paved. It's safe. And it goes straight into a cul-de-sac of quiet desperation. Oh, you didn't miss the exit. You set the off-ramp on fire and called it comedy. Oh. He screamed my therapy bill Marcus. Here's the math Jesse. Pension you have security and no pulse. Broke you has a pulse and no savings. You traded the retirement plan for the punch line. Worst financial decision, best comedy decision. No filter, no mercy, no chill. All hail the Queen of the Burn Unit. Queen's tank. Baby settled down Jesse and chaos Jesse meet in a bar. And within five minutes, they're both crying about the same woman. Different lives, same X. That's not a fork in the road. That's a circle. I got one. The road not taken had a white picket fence. The road Jesse took had a yellow caution tape. Both fenced him in. That's the truth, you beautiful wreckage. Maybe married with kids was safer. Maybe the state job was smarter. But the boring Jesse never got to stand here and make a room full of degenerates laugh at the colors of his pain. I picked the loud life. No refunds laugh before the dark winds. This is Red Line. Kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day. A brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down. 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something, so is he. Always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark winds, the Red Line comedy club. Open all night. Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}