{"file": "audio/vault/164_the_estimate_from_hell.mp3", "duration_sec": 290.1, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 11.14, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.14, "end": 21.14, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.14, "end": 28.14, "text": "This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 49.24, "text": "In a world where one man drove 45 minutes up and 45 minutes back to bid on a house so filthy the stove filed for disability, Red Line presents the Estimate From Hell."}, {"start": 49.24, "end": 61.24, "text": "Welcome, I roast me first. I drove 90 minutes round trip to bid 800 bucks to clean a house where the stove had more build up than my credit history. And I find out tomorrow, bring it."}, {"start": 61.24, "end": 70.82, "text": "No filter, no mercy, no chill. All hail the Queen of the Burn Unit. Queen's Tank."}, {"start": 70.82, "end": 83.93, "text": "Baby, you said the stove looked bad on top and inside. That's not a stove. That's a time capsule. Archaeologists are gonna fight you for that bid."}, {"start": 83.93, "end": 90.58, "text": "Laugh"}, {"start": 90.58, "end": 95.58, "text": "Loud enough for the cheap seats in the next county. She loves you. She'll bury you big mama."}, {"start": 95.58, "end": 107.62, "text": "They ate everything and cleaned nothing. Sugar, that's not a kitchen. That's a crime scene with a refrigerator. The grease has its own zip code."}, {"start": 107.62, "end": 110.62, "text": "Yeah"}, {"start": 110.62, "end": 122.98, "text": "Hey Jesse, you drove an hour and a half to maybe get picked to scrub a stranger's bathroom. That's the most commitment you've shown since."}, {"start": 122.98, "end": 131.32, "text": "Well, ever. The toilet got more of a courtship than your fiance's."}, {"start": 131.32, "end": 149.04, "text": "Be an office that's never been cleaned in bathrooms. You won't describe on a family show. $800. Honey, you should be billin hazard pay and a therapist."}, {"start": 149.04, "end": 156.46, "text": "Oh"}, {"start": 156.46, "end": 165.4, "text": "Older than your house, filthier than your group chat. Grandpa's got no breaks. Pops"}, {"start": 165.4, "end": 174.97, "text": "Kid in my day a stove that dirty. You didn't clean it. You held a funeral and bought a new house."}, {"start": 174.97, "end": 200.9, "text": "And here's the kicker. Another company's bidding too. So two grown men are competing for the honor of scrubbing the nastiest stove in the county. That's not a bid war, Jesse. That's a dare. May the cleanest man lose."}, {"start": 200.9, "end": 219.42, "text": "I got one. Jesse will deep clean a stranger's disaster for 800 bucks, but his own life is still a biohazard. He gives away for free."}, {"start": 219.42, "end": 229.42, "text": "That's the truth, folks. 90 minutes 800 bucks. One disgusting stove and I'd still take the job because unlike my love life, at least the filth calls me back. Wish me luck tomorrow."}, {"start": 229.42, "end": 253.12, "text": "Laugh before the dark winds. This is red line. Kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 253.12, "end": 273.12, "text": "Another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week fresh stand up, freshly roasted never reheated. Can't sleep. We're up. Going through something. So is he always. So come back you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 273.12, "end": 284.12, "text": "Before the dark winds, the red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. In a world where one man drove 45 minutes up and 45 minutes back to bid on a house so filthy the stove filed for disability, Red Line presents the Estimate From Hell. Welcome, I roast me first. I drove 90 minutes round trip to bid 800 bucks to clean a house where the stove had more build up than my credit history. And I find out tomorrow, bring it. No filter, no mercy, no chill. All hail the Queen of the Burn Unit. Queen's Tank. Baby, you said the stove looked bad on top and inside. That's not a stove. That's a time capsule. Archaeologists are gonna fight you for that bid. Laugh Loud enough for the cheap seats in the next county. She loves you. She'll bury you big mama. They ate everything and cleaned nothing. Sugar, that's not a kitchen. That's a crime scene with a refrigerator. The grease has its own zip code. Yeah Hey Jesse, you drove an hour and a half to maybe get picked to scrub a stranger's bathroom. That's the most commitment you've shown since. Well, ever. The toilet got more of a courtship than your fiance's. Be an office that's never been cleaned in bathrooms. You won't describe on a family show. $800. Honey, you should be billin hazard pay and a therapist. Oh Older than your house, filthier than your group chat. Grandpa's got no breaks. Pops Kid in my day a stove that dirty. You didn't clean it. You held a funeral and bought a new house. And here's the kicker. Another company's bidding too. So two grown men are competing for the honor of scrubbing the nastiest stove in the county. That's not a bid war, Jesse. That's a dare. May the cleanest man lose. I got one. Jesse will deep clean a stranger's disaster for 800 bucks, but his own life is still a biohazard. He gives away for free. That's the truth, folks. 90 minutes 800 bucks. One disgusting stove and I'd still take the job because unlike my love life, at least the filth calls me back. Wish me luck tomorrow. Laugh before the dark winds. This is red line. Kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. Another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week fresh stand up, freshly roasted never reheated. Can't sleep. We're up. Going through something. So is he always. So come back you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark winds, the red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}