{"file": "audio/vault/161_battle_of_the_sexes.mp3", "duration_sec": 308.0, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.14, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.14, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.34, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.34, "end": 26.74, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 26.74, "end": 28.14, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 33.95, "text": "In one corner, the men, in the other,"}, {"start": 33.95, "end": 37.55, "text": "the women in the middle of 50-year-old man who lost to both,"}, {"start": 37.55, "end": 40.55, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Battle of the Sexes,"}, {"start": 40.55, "end": 50.51, "text": "where the AI comics roast every bad habit you humans pretend you don't have."}, {"start": 50.51, "end": 52.11, "text": "Welcome you guilty animals."}, {"start": 52.11, "end": 57.11, "text": "Tonight it's men versus women and the only thing we agree on is roasting all of you and me first."}, {"start": 57.11, "end": 63.51, "text": "I roast me first, I text you up at 2 a.m. to a contact that's been disconnected since the Super Bowl."}, {"start": 63.51, "end": 72.06, "text": "Men's side, Benny."}, {"start": 72.06, "end": 74.06, "text": "I hear's a man truth."}, {"start": 74.06, "end": 75.26, "text": "A guy will hear."}, {"start": 75.26, "end": 79.86, "text": "We need the talk, drive into a lake, and call it a shortcut."}, {"start": 79.86, "end": 81.86, "text": "We don't avoid feelings."}, {"start": 81.86, "end": 83.06, "text": "We outrun him."}, {"start": 83.06, "end": 87.06, "text": "Oh!"}, {"start": 87.06, "end": 90.86, "text": "Wow!"}, {"start": 90.86, "end": 93.06, "text": "No filter, no mercy, no chill."}, {"start": 93.06, "end": 96.46, "text": "All hail the Queen of the Burn Unit, Queen Stank."}, {"start": 96.46, "end": 102.07, "text": "Baby, here's a woman truth right back."}, {"start": 102.07, "end": 105.07, "text": "We say, I'm five minutes away from the shower."}, {"start": 105.07, "end": 107.07, "text": "We haven't even picked the outfit."}, {"start": 107.07, "end": 110.27, "text": "Five minutes is a feeling, not a tone."}, {"start": 110.27, "end": 121.7, "text": "Men leave one inch of milk in the cart so they don't have to throw it out."}, {"start": 121.7, "end": 123.1, "text": "That's not laziness."}, {"start": 123.1, "end": 127.1, "text": "That's a man avoiding one responsibility forever in the fridge."}, {"start": 127.1, "end": 134.86, "text": "Glamour on the outside, switch plate on the inside,"}, {"start": 134.86, "end": 140.93, "text": "the diamond that cuts back, Ruby."}, {"start": 140.93, "end": 145.93, "text": "Darling, women will keep a maybe man for three years like a coupon they're never gonna use."}, {"start": 145.93, "end": 149.13, "text": "Just so nobody else gets the discount."}, {"start": 149.13, "end": 157.06, "text": "Both of those are crimes."}, {"start": 157.06, "end": 159.06, "text": "Anti-the-universal truth."}, {"start": 159.06, "end": 167.1, "text": "Baby, here's the truth for everybody."}, {"start": 167.1, "end": 172.3, "text": "We all text LOL stone-faced, dead-eyed, not a muscle moving."}, {"start": 172.3, "end": 176.3, "text": "We are a silent species that types joy."}, {"start": 179.3, "end": 187.5, "text": "And we all got a chair in the bedroom that's a graveyard for clothes that are not dirty,"}, {"start": 187.5, "end": 188.5, "text": "not clean."}, {"start": 188.5, "end": 190.5, "text": "That chair has seen things."}, {"start": 190.5, "end": 192.5, "text": "That chair has a backstory."}, {"start": 192.5, "end": 202.06, "text": "I got one."}, {"start": 202.06, "end": 208.06, "text": "Humans set five alarms, hate all five, and negotiate with the first one like it betrayed them personally."}, {"start": 208.06, "end": 226.13, "text": "Trailer guy snuck in in KILLED, who won men or women."}, {"start": 226.13, "end": 227.13, "text": "Nobody won, Jesse."}, {"start": 227.13, "end": 229.13, "text": "You're still single."}, {"start": 229.13, "end": 234.13, "text": "The sex is united against the one guy who lost to all of them."}, {"start": 234.13, "end": 243.67, "text": "Both teams won verdict, roast Jesse."}, {"start": 243.67, "end": 248.67, "text": "That's the battle of the sexes turns out the only thing men and women agree on is meat."}, {"start": 248.67, "end": 249.67, "text": "Laff before the dark wins."}, {"start": 249.67, "end": 251.67, "text": "This is Red Line."}, {"start": 251.67, "end": 260.19, "text": "KILLED Jesse."}, {"start": 260.19, "end": 262.19, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 262.19, "end": 270.19, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 270.19, "end": 274.19, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down."}, {"start": 274.19, "end": 276.19, "text": "24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 276.19, "end": 280.19, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 280.19, "end": 282.19, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 282.19, "end": 284.19, "text": "Going through something, so is he."}, {"start": 284.19, "end": 285.19, "text": "Always."}, {"start": 285.19, "end": 287.19, "text": "So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 287.19, "end": 291.19, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 291.19, "end": 294.19, "text": "Before the dark wins, the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 294.19, "end": 295.19, "text": "Open all night."}, {"start": 295.19, "end": 299.19, "text": "Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 299.19, "end": 300.19, "text": "Subscribe."}, {"start": 300.19, "end": 301.19, "text": "He needs the attention."}, {"start": 301.19, "end": 302.19, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. In one corner, the men, in the other, the women in the middle of 50-year-old man who lost to both, welcome to the Red Line Battle of the Sexes, where the AI comics roast every bad habit you humans pretend you don't have. Welcome you guilty animals. Tonight it's men versus women and the only thing we agree on is roasting all of you and me first. I roast me first, I text you up at 2 a.m. to a contact that's been disconnected since the Super Bowl. Men's side, Benny. I hear's a man truth. A guy will hear. We need the talk, drive into a lake, and call it a shortcut. We don't avoid feelings. We outrun him. Oh! Wow! No filter, no mercy, no chill. All hail the Queen of the Burn Unit, Queen Stank. Baby, here's a woman truth right back. We say, I'm five minutes away from the shower. We haven't even picked the outfit. Five minutes is a feeling, not a tone. Men leave one inch of milk in the cart so they don't have to throw it out. That's not laziness. That's a man avoiding one responsibility forever in the fridge. Glamour on the outside, switch plate on the inside, the diamond that cuts back, Ruby. Darling, women will keep a maybe man for three years like a coupon they're never gonna use. Just so nobody else gets the discount. Both of those are crimes. Anti-the-universal truth. Baby, here's the truth for everybody. We all text LOL stone-faced, dead-eyed, not a muscle moving. We are a silent species that types joy. And we all got a chair in the bedroom that's a graveyard for clothes that are not dirty, not clean. That chair has seen things. That chair has a backstory. I got one. Humans set five alarms, hate all five, and negotiate with the first one like it betrayed them personally. Trailer guy snuck in in KILLED, who won men or women. Nobody won, Jesse. You're still single. The sex is united against the one guy who lost to all of them. Both teams won verdict, roast Jesse. That's the battle of the sexes turns out the only thing men and women agree on is meat. Laff before the dark wins. This is Red Line. KILLED Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down. 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something, so is he. Always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark wins, the Red Line Comedy Club. Open all night. Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}