{"file": "audio/vault/152_work_self_script.mp3", "duration_sec": 248.3, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.14, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.14, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.34, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.34, "end": 28.14, "text": "We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 34.24, "text": "Tonight 9-5 versus self-employed."}, {"start": 34.24, "end": 36.44, "text": "I've done both and I chose self-employed,"}, {"start": 36.44, "end": 40.24, "text": "which means I quit having a boss so I could clean toilets on my own schedule."}, {"start": 40.24, "end": 43.64, "text": "I'm living the dream. The dream just smells terrible."}, {"start": 43.64, "end": 45.64, "text": "Cubicle clowns come at me."}, {"start": 45.64, "end": 47.64, "text": "Doc Burn, you got a boss, fire."}, {"start": 47.64, "end": 52.9, "text": "He's not a real doctor,"}, {"start": 52.9, "end": 54.9, "text": "but neither was the guy who did your tattoos."}, {"start": 54.9, "end": 57.9, "text": "The roast physician is in Doc Burn."}, {"start": 57.9, "end": 63.71, "text": "Jesse yourself employed cleaning toilets."}, {"start": 63.71, "end": 67.71, "text": "So you're the CEO, the janitor, and the guy who gets dumped on all in one."}, {"start": 67.71, "end": 71.11, "text": "That's not a business. That's a one-man hostage situation."}, {"start": 80.63, "end": 83.63, "text": "Doc Burn, you got a boss who emails you on a Sunday"}, {"start": 83.63, "end": 86.43, "text": "and a 401k you'll never live to see."}, {"start": 86.43, "end": 89.23, "text": "You traded your whole life for a chair and a lanyard."}, {"start": 89.23, "end": 98.09, "text": "At least when I'm getting dumped on, it's literal and it pays."}, {"start": 98.09, "end": 101.89, "text": "Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags than a parade."}, {"start": 101.89, "end": 107.86, "text": "Your every man of error, Mickey!"}, {"start": 107.86, "end": 110.06, "text": "I work 9-5 Jesse."}, {"start": 110.06, "end": 112.86, "text": "Sure, I hate it, but I get weak hands."}, {"start": 112.86, "end": 116.06, "text": "Your self-employed, which means you work 24-7"}, {"start": 116.06, "end": 121.95, "text": "for an asshole who is also you."}, {"start": 121.95, "end": 124.55, "text": "He optimized his entire life and ended up here."}, {"start": 124.55, "end": 127.55, "text": "The burnt out tech bro running on fumes and cold brew."}, {"start": 127.55, "end": 131.79, "text": "Trip!"}, {"start": 131.79, "end": 132.79, "text": "I'm self-employed too."}, {"start": 132.79, "end": 135.19, "text": "I made 4 million on an app that does nothing."}, {"start": 135.19, "end": 146.16, "text": "Jesse made an empire scrubbing the one thing nobody else will touch, respect, but also you."}, {"start": 146.16, "end": 148.36, "text": "No filter, no mercy, no chill."}, {"start": 148.36, "end": 155.06, "text": "All hail the queen of the burn unit, Queen Stank!"}, {"start": 155.06, "end": 158.26, "text": "Jesse, you left a steady paycheck to be your own boss."}, {"start": 158.26, "end": 161.86, "text": "And your own boss makes you Queen Stranger's bathrooms."}, {"start": 161.86, "end": 164.06, "text": "You didn't escape the rat race, baby."}, {"start": 164.06, "end": 171.74, "text": "You became the rat and the cage."}, {"start": 171.74, "end": 173.14, "text": "And that's the war, folks."}, {"start": 173.14, "end": 175.94, "text": "9-5 Self-employed, one of you answers to a boss."}, {"start": 175.94, "end": 179.14, "text": "The other one is the boss and still gets yelled at by yourself."}, {"start": 179.14, "end": 183.14, "text": "Truth is I gave up a paycheck and a pension to scrub toilets on my own terms."}, {"start": 183.14, "end": 183.94, "text": "And you know what?"}, {"start": 183.94, "end": 185.74, "text": "Every throne I clean is mine to clean."}, {"start": 185.74, "end": 188.34, "text": "I'm broke, I'm tired, and I built every bit of it myself."}, {"start": 188.34, "end": 190.74, "text": "That's not failure. That's freedom with a mop."}, {"start": 190.74, "end": 192.34, "text": "The hero gets the last laugh."}, {"start": 192.34, "end": 194.34, "text": "This is Red Line, kill Jesse."}, {"start": 194.34, "end": 203.04, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 203.04, "end": 209.64, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new"}, {"start": 209.64, "end": 211.24, "text": "comic steps up."}, {"start": 211.24, "end": 216.84, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 216.84, "end": 220.24, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 220.24, "end": 222.24, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 222.24, "end": 224.84, "text": "Going through something, so is he."}, {"start": 224.84, "end": 225.84, "text": "Always."}, {"start": 225.84, "end": 228.24, "text": "So come back you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 228.24, "end": 231.84, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 231.84, "end": 237.14, "text": "Before the dark winds, the Red Line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there"}, {"start": 237.14, "end": 239.64, "text": "it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 239.64, "end": 242.14, "text": "Subscribe, he needs the attention."}, {"start": 242.14, "end": 242.64, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Tonight 9-5 versus self-employed. I've done both and I chose self-employed, which means I quit having a boss so I could clean toilets on my own schedule. I'm living the dream. The dream just smells terrible. Cubicle clowns come at me. Doc Burn, you got a boss, fire. He's not a real doctor, but neither was the guy who did your tattoos. The roast physician is in Doc Burn. Jesse yourself employed cleaning toilets. So you're the CEO, the janitor, and the guy who gets dumped on all in one. That's not a business. That's a one-man hostage situation. Doc Burn, you got a boss who emails you on a Sunday and a 401k you'll never live to see. You traded your whole life for a chair and a lanyard. At least when I'm getting dumped on, it's literal and it pays. Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags than a parade. Your every man of error, Mickey! I work 9-5 Jesse. Sure, I hate it, but I get weak hands. Your self-employed, which means you work 24-7 for an asshole who is also you. He optimized his entire life and ended up here. The burnt out tech bro running on fumes and cold brew. Trip! I'm self-employed too. I made 4 million on an app that does nothing. Jesse made an empire scrubbing the one thing nobody else will touch, respect, but also you. No filter, no mercy, no chill. All hail the queen of the burn unit, Queen Stank! Jesse, you left a steady paycheck to be your own boss. And your own boss makes you Queen Stranger's bathrooms. You didn't escape the rat race, baby. You became the rat and the cage. And that's the war, folks. 9-5 Self-employed, one of you answers to a boss. The other one is the boss and still gets yelled at by yourself. Truth is I gave up a paycheck and a pension to scrub toilets on my own terms. And you know what? Every throne I clean is mine to clean. I'm broke, I'm tired, and I built every bit of it myself. That's not failure. That's freedom with a mop. The hero gets the last laugh. This is Red Line, kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something, so is he. Always. So come back you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark winds, the Red Line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}