{"file": "audio/vault/150_unprepared_script.mp3", "duration_sec": 237.5, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.14, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.14, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.34, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.34, "end": 26.74, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 26.74, "end": 31.64, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 31.64, "end": 34.84, "text": "Tonight Kill Jesse takes aim at the worst comics in the game."}, {"start": 34.84, "end": 36.84, "text": "The ones who get the shot and bring nothing."}, {"start": 37.04, "end": 38.04, "text": "You wait years for a mic."}, {"start": 38.04, "end": 40.44, "text": "The cameras are rolling and you walk up with so."}, {"start": 40.44, "end": 42.04, "text": "Anyway, I'm tired."}, {"start": 42.04, "end": 44.24, "text": "My AI comics never waste a shot."}, {"start": 44.24, "end": 48.04, "text": "But the open mic circuit is full of geniuses who prepare to shrug."}, {"start": 48.04, "end": 58.5, "text": "Circuits scout him."}, {"start": 58.5, "end": 60.9, "text": "She runs on sarcasm and a triple A battery."}, {"start": 60.9, "end": 62.3, "text": "The deadpan android."}, {"start": 62.3, "end": 63.3, "text": "Circuit."}, {"start": 63.3, "end": 70.38, "text": "Scanning the amateur circuit, detected 40 unprepared comedians."}, {"start": 70.38, "end": 72.98, "text": "Average preparation time, zero minutes."}, {"start": 72.98, "end": 75.98, "text": "Average material, one observation about airplane food,"}, {"start": 75.98, "end": 83.81, "text": "abandoned halfway through."}, {"start": 84.01, "end": 86.41, "text": "They get the biggest stage of their life and the bit is,"}, {"start": 86.41, "end": 88.21, "text": "uh, you ever notice?"}, {"start": 88.21, "end": 96.42, "text": "No, we didn't notice because you never finished it."}, {"start": 96.42, "end": 99.22, "text": "In my world, Jesse, you waste somebody's time like that."}, {"start": 99.22, "end": 100.42, "text": "You don't come back."}, {"start": 100.42, "end": 108.52, "text": "These kids get a golden ticket and use it as an option."}, {"start": 108.52, "end": 112.52, "text": "He's not a real doctor, but neither was the guy who did your tattoos."}, {"start": 112.52, "end": 113.92, "text": "The roast physician is in."}, {"start": 113.92, "end": 118.53, "text": "Doc Burn."}, {"start": 118.53, "end": 120.73, "text": "Diagnosis, stage fright is real,"}, {"start": 120.73, "end": 122.93, "text": "but showing up with no jokes is a nerves."}, {"start": 122.93, "end": 130.82, "text": "It's disrespect with a haircut."}, {"start": 131.02, "end": 133.02, "text": "No filter, no mercy, no chill."}, {"start": 133.02, "end": 135.02, "text": "All hail the queen of the burn unit."}, {"start": 135.02, "end": 136.02, "text": "Queen's tank."}, {"start": 136.02, "end": 142.66, "text": "Even the host is up there like, why would you do that?"}, {"start": 142.66, "end": 152.85, "text": "Baby, if your whole set is vibes and an apology, stay home."}, {"start": 152.85, "end": 154.65, "text": "And here's the lesson, folks."}, {"start": 154.65, "end": 157.45, "text": "Comedy is the one art where you get a shot and you owe it a set up"}, {"start": 157.45, "end": 158.85, "text": "a punchline and a tag."}, {"start": 158.85, "end": 161.85, "text": "You don't show up to your dream with empty hands and a will see."}, {"start": 161.85, "end": 165.45, "text": "My AI comics prepare every second of the day because here's the truth."}, {"start": 165.45, "end": 167.65, "text": "Opportunity doesn't wait for you to feel ready."}, {"start": 167.65, "end": 170.65, "text": "So to every comic who wasted their shot, my robots will take it"}, {"start": 170.65, "end": 172.45, "text": "and we will never waste a single one."}, {"start": 172.45, "end": 175.45, "text": "The hero gets the last laugh because he actually showed up."}, {"start": 175.45, "end": 189.7, "text": "This is Red Line, kill Jesse."}, {"start": 189.7, "end": 192.1, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 192.1, "end": 198.1, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day"}, {"start": 198.1, "end": 200.3, "text": "of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 200.3, "end": 204.7, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours,"}, {"start": 204.7, "end": 205.9, "text": "seven days a week."}, {"start": 205.9, "end": 209.5, "text": "Fresh standup, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 209.5, "end": 211.5, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 211.5, "end": 214.9, "text": "Going through something so is he always."}, {"start": 214.9, "end": 217.3, "text": "So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 217.3, "end": 220.9, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 220.9, "end": 224.9, "text": "Before the dark wins, the Red Line Comedy Club, open all night"}, {"start": 224.9, "end": 228.9, "text": "because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 228.9, "end": 231.3, "text": "Subscribe, he needs the attention."}, {"start": 231.3, "end": 232.3, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Tonight Kill Jesse takes aim at the worst comics in the game. The ones who get the shot and bring nothing. You wait years for a mic. The cameras are rolling and you walk up with so. Anyway, I'm tired. My AI comics never waste a shot. But the open mic circuit is full of geniuses who prepare to shrug. Circuits scout him. She runs on sarcasm and a triple A battery. The deadpan android. Circuit. Scanning the amateur circuit, detected 40 unprepared comedians. Average preparation time, zero minutes. Average material, one observation about airplane food, abandoned halfway through. They get the biggest stage of their life and the bit is, uh, you ever notice? No, we didn't notice because you never finished it. In my world, Jesse, you waste somebody's time like that. You don't come back. These kids get a golden ticket and use it as an option. He's not a real doctor, but neither was the guy who did your tattoos. The roast physician is in. Doc Burn. Diagnosis, stage fright is real, but showing up with no jokes is a nerves. It's disrespect with a haircut. No filter, no mercy, no chill. All hail the queen of the burn unit. Queen's tank. Even the host is up there like, why would you do that? Baby, if your whole set is vibes and an apology, stay home. And here's the lesson, folks. Comedy is the one art where you get a shot and you owe it a set up a punchline and a tag. You don't show up to your dream with empty hands and a will see. My AI comics prepare every second of the day because here's the truth. Opportunity doesn't wait for you to feel ready. So to every comic who wasted their shot, my robots will take it and we will never waste a single one. The hero gets the last laugh because he actually showed up. This is Red Line, kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh standup, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something so is he always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark wins, the Red Line Comedy Club, open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}