{"file": "audio/vault/14_skinny_vs_fluffy.mp3", "duration_sec": 171.6, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.84, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 2.84, "end": 3.8, "text": "Adults only."}, {"start": 3.8, "end": 5.54, "text": "No kids, no mercy."}, {"start": 5.54, "end": 8.24, "text": "For 15 years, one show ruled comedy."}, {"start": 8.24, "end": 10.24, "text": "Tonight, we come for the crown."}, {"start": 10.24, "end": 13.88, "text": "This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer"}, {"start": 13.88, "end": 16.68, "text": "24 hours a day, seven days a week."}, {"start": 16.68, "end": 20.44, "text": "We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years."}, {"start": 20.44, "end": 24.12, "text": "Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh."}, {"start": 24.12, "end": 25.36, "text": "Jesse!"}, {"start": 25.36, "end": 27.76, "text": "Tonight, it's the battle that divides America."}, {"start": 27.76, "end": 29.32, "text": "Skinny versus Fluffy."}, {"start": 29.32, "end": 31.88, "text": "I'm Team Skinny, which means I'm one stiff breeze"}, {"start": 31.88, "end": 33.76, "text": "from a missing person's report."}, {"start": 33.76, "end": 36.08, "text": "I grew up the only twig in a forest of comfort,"}, {"start": 36.08, "end": 37.64, "text": "so I know both sides."}, {"start": 37.64, "end": 39.04, "text": "Let the war begin."}, {"start": 39.04, "end": 44.62, "text": "Big Mama come for me."}, {"start": 44.62, "end": 47.42, "text": "Jesse, you're so skinny that when you turn sideways,"}, {"start": 47.42, "end": 49.42, "text": "the show takes a commercial break."}, {"start": 49.42, "end": 50.62, "text": "You don't cast a shadow."}, {"start": 50.62, "end": 61.31, "text": "You cast a suggestion."}, {"start": 61.31, "end": 63.63, "text": "Big Mama, you got a beautiful personality"}, {"start": 63.63, "end": 65.43, "text": "and a gravitational pull."}, {"start": 65.43, "end": 66.59, "text": "People don't hug you."}, {"start": 66.59, "end": 73.84, "text": "They get caught in your orbit."}, {"start": 73.84, "end": 76.32, "text": "I'm Team Skinny six days a week in the gym."}, {"start": 76.36, "end": 78.8, "text": "Big Mama, your cardio is reaching for the remote"}, {"start": 78.8, "end": 84.54, "text": "and your cheat day is a whole calendar."}, {"start": 84.54, "end": 86.42, "text": "Skip your all muscle and no brain,"}, {"start": 86.42, "end": 88.26, "text": "a Greek statue with the lights off,"}, {"start": 88.26, "end": 97.98, "text": "and honey, skinny boys like you snap during a firm handshake."}, {"start": 97.98, "end": 100.06, "text": "I'm Fluffy and I'm 81."}, {"start": 100.06, "end": 102.3, "text": "Listen, skinny don't keep you warm"}, {"start": 102.3, "end": 104.02, "text": "and it don't keep you company."}, {"start": 104.02, "end": 109.87, "text": "I got insulation and a personality."}, {"start": 109.87, "end": 112.79, "text": "Medical fact, skinny Jesse here has a resting heart rate"}, {"start": 112.79, "end": 113.87, "text": "of please end it."}, {"start": 113.87, "end": 115.67, "text": "We Fluffy folks live longer."}, {"start": 115.67, "end": 125.59, "text": "We just got more of us to love and more of us to bury."}, {"start": 125.59, "end": 126.99, "text": "And that's the war folks."}, {"start": 126.99, "end": 129.75, "text": "Skinny, Fluffy, we all end up in the same size box."}, {"start": 129.75, "end": 131.15, "text": "Mine just ships cheaper."}, {"start": 131.15, "end": 134.31, "text": "Truth is I'm skinny because anxiety is my personal trainer"}, {"start": 134.31, "end": 136.23, "text": "and heartbreak is my meal plan."}, {"start": 136.23, "end": 138.35, "text": "So thick or thin, we're all just trying to make it"}, {"start": 138.35, "end": 139.83, "text": "to the buffet of life."}, {"start": 139.83, "end": 141.63, "text": "The hero gets the last laugh."}, {"start": 141.63, "end": 143.03, "text": "This is Red Line."}, {"start": 143.03, "end": 149.98, "text": "Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 149.98, "end": 151.26, "text": "That's our show."}, {"start": 151.26, "end": 152.5, "text": "But we never stop."}, {"start": 152.5, "end": 155.94, "text": "New comedy 24-7 and a two hour kill Jesse special"}, {"start": 155.94, "end": 157.1, "text": "four times a month."}, {"start": 157.1, "end": 160.3, "text": "We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days."}, {"start": 160.3, "end": 162.3, "text": "So come back tomorrow and the day after."}, {"start": 162.3, "end": 165.1, "text": "Because at Red Line, the carnival never closes."}, {"start": 165.1, "end": 167.98, "text": "Subscribe, share and tell your filthiest friend."}, {"start": 167.98, "end": 169.7, "text": "This is bombed.app."}, {"start": 169.7, "end": 171.54, "text": "Good night and stay unhinged."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLadies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club. Adults only. No kids, no mercy. For 15 years, one show ruled comedy. Tonight, we come for the crown. This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years. Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh. Jesse! Tonight, it's the battle that divides America. Skinny versus Fluffy. I'm Team Skinny, which means I'm one stiff breeze from a missing person's report. I grew up the only twig in a forest of comfort, so I know both sides. Let the war begin. Big Mama come for me. Jesse, you're so skinny that when you turn sideways, the show takes a commercial break. You don't cast a shadow. You cast a suggestion. Big Mama, you got a beautiful personality and a gravitational pull. People don't hug you. They get caught in your orbit. I'm Team Skinny six days a week in the gym. Big Mama, your cardio is reaching for the remote and your cheat day is a whole calendar. Skip your all muscle and no brain, a Greek statue with the lights off, and honey, skinny boys like you snap during a firm handshake. I'm Fluffy and I'm 81. Listen, skinny don't keep you warm and it don't keep you company. I got insulation and a personality. Medical fact, skinny Jesse here has a resting heart rate of please end it. We Fluffy folks live longer. We just got more of us to love and more of us to bury. And that's the war folks. Skinny, Fluffy, we all end up in the same size box. Mine just ships cheaper. Truth is I'm skinny because anxiety is my personal trainer and heartbreak is my meal plan. So thick or thin, we're all just trying to make it to the buffet of life. The hero gets the last laugh. This is Red Line. Kill Jesse. That's our show. But we never stop. New comedy 24-7 and a two hour kill Jesse special four times a month. We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days. So come back tomorrow and the day after. Because at Red Line, the carnival never closes. Subscribe, share and tell your filthiest friend. This is bombed.app. Good night and stay unhinged.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}