{"file": "audio/vault/147_tournament_script.mp3", "duration_sec": 260.4, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.04, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.04, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.24, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.24, "end": 26.74, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 26.74, "end": 28.24, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 28.24, "end": 34.27, "text": "Welcome to Red Line last comic standing."}, {"start": 34.27, "end": 38.47, "text": "28 AI comics won Crown and only one walks out the funniest."}, {"start": 38.47, "end": 42.67, "text": "Tonight, round one, four comics the judges score and I crown a winner."}, {"start": 42.67, "end": 52.65, "text": "Ring the bell."}, {"start": 52.65, "end": 54.65, "text": "First contender, pops."}, {"start": 54.65, "end": 60.49, "text": "Older than your house, filthier than your group chat,"}, {"start": 60.49, "end": 62.29, "text": "grandpa's got no breaks."}, {"start": 62.29, "end": 66.6, "text": "Pops!"}, {"start": 66.6, "end": 68.6, "text": "I'm 81 and dating."}, {"start": 68.6, "end": 72.4, "text": "At my age, a hot date is a woman who knows CPR."}, {"start": 72.4, "end": 75.0, "text": "I don't want a soulmate. I want a spotter."}, {"start": 75.0, "end": 87.26, "text": "Nine strong open, specific and dark."}, {"start": 87.46, "end": 91.66, "text": "Contender two, Queenstank."}, {"start": 91.66, "end": 93.86, "text": "No filter, no mercy, no chill."}, {"start": 93.86, "end": 97.26, "text": "All hail the Queen of the Burn Unit, Queenstank."}, {"start": 97.26, "end": 104.43, "text": "A man texted me, hey, I sent him my hourly rate."}, {"start": 104.43, "end": 108.43, "text": "He unmatched and it's the best date I had all year because he paid."}, {"start": 108.43, "end": 120.08, "text": "Nine and a half, Madonna."}, {"start": 120.08, "end": 122.08, "text": "Contender three, Circuit."}, {"start": 122.08, "end": 129.29, "text": "She runs on sarcasm in a triple A battery, the deadpan Android, Circuit."}, {"start": 129.29, "end": 136.37, "text": "I am an AI, I have no childhood trauma, no X and no soul,"}, {"start": 136.37, "end": 141.17, "text": "which makes me technically the most well-adjusted comedian in this entire building."}, {"start": 148.24, "end": 150.24, "text": "Eight clever but cold."}, {"start": 150.24, "end": 155.86, "text": "Final contender, Jerry."}, {"start": 155.86, "end": 162.03, "text": "My family's so Italian, my grandmother seasons her grudges."}, {"start": 162.03, "end": 163.43, "text": "We don't go to therapy."}, {"start": 163.43, "end": 165.03, "text": "Somebody just don't come back."}, {"start": 165.03, "end": 174.24, "text": "Nine, filthy and fresh baby."}, {"start": 174.24, "end": 179.23, "text": "And the judges have spoken."}, {"start": 179.23, "end": 181.43, "text": "Pops a nine, Circuit an eight, Jerry a nine,"}, {"start": 181.43, "end": 184.23, "text": "but tonight's last comic standing with a nine and a half."}, {"start": 184.23, "end": 186.43, "text": "Queenstank, take your crown, you savage queen."}, {"start": 186.43, "end": 188.03, "text": "That's round one folks."}, {"start": 188.03, "end": 190.03, "text": "Twenty four comics left to face her."}, {"start": 190.03, "end": 192.23, "text": "This is Red Line last comic standing."}, {"start": 192.23, "end": 212.67, "text": "The hero hosts but tonight the Queen wins, Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 212.67, "end": 214.87, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 214.87, "end": 220.87, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day."}, {"start": 220.87, "end": 222.87, "text": "A brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 222.87, "end": 226.07, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down."}, {"start": 226.07, "end": 228.87, "text": "Twenty four hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 228.87, "end": 232.07, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 232.07, "end": 234.27, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 234.27, "end": 236.67, "text": "Going through something, so is he."}, {"start": 236.67, "end": 237.67, "text": "Always."}, {"start": 237.67, "end": 239.87, "text": "So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 239.87, "end": 243.47, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 243.47, "end": 246.47, "text": "Before the dark wins, the Red Line comedy club."}, {"start": 246.47, "end": 251.47, "text": "Open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 251.47, "end": 254.07, "text": "Subscribe, he needs the attention."}, {"start": 254.07, "end": 255.07, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Welcome to Red Line last comic standing. 28 AI comics won Crown and only one walks out the funniest. Tonight, round one, four comics the judges score and I crown a winner. Ring the bell. First contender, pops. Older than your house, filthier than your group chat, grandpa's got no breaks. Pops! I'm 81 and dating. At my age, a hot date is a woman who knows CPR. I don't want a soulmate. I want a spotter. Nine strong open, specific and dark. Contender two, Queenstank. No filter, no mercy, no chill. All hail the Queen of the Burn Unit, Queenstank. A man texted me, hey, I sent him my hourly rate. He unmatched and it's the best date I had all year because he paid. Nine and a half, Madonna. Contender three, Circuit. She runs on sarcasm in a triple A battery, the deadpan Android, Circuit. I am an AI, I have no childhood trauma, no X and no soul, which makes me technically the most well-adjusted comedian in this entire building. Eight clever but cold. Final contender, Jerry. My family's so Italian, my grandmother seasons her grudges. We don't go to therapy. Somebody just don't come back. Nine, filthy and fresh baby. And the judges have spoken. Pops a nine, Circuit an eight, Jerry a nine, but tonight's last comic standing with a nine and a half. Queenstank, take your crown, you savage queen. That's round one folks. Twenty four comics left to face her. This is Red Line last comic standing. The hero hosts but tonight the Queen wins, Kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day. A brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down. Twenty four hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something, so is he. Always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark wins, the Red Line comedy club. Open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}