{"file": "audio/vault/140_sober_script.mp3", "duration_sec": 238.7, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.14, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.14, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.34, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.34, "end": 26.74, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 26.74, "end": 28.14, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 33.64, "text": "Tonight, drinkers versus sober."}, {"start": 33.64, "end": 34.84, "text": "And I'm team sober."}, {"start": 34.84, "end": 39.64, "text": "I quit drinking, which means I feel every single thing now in stunning high definition."}, {"start": 39.64, "end": 43.44, "text": "I drink coffee like it owes me money and I cry at dog commercials."}, {"start": 43.44, "end": 44.84, "text": "Drinkers come at me."}, {"start": 44.84, "end": 46.84, "text": "Vinnie, you got a beer swing."}, {"start": 46.84, "end": 53.27, "text": "From Brooklyn, marry 20 years and still doing the time."}, {"start": 53.27, "end": 56.07, "text": "The wise guy with a wedding ring like an ankle monitor."}, {"start": 56.07, "end": 57.07, "text": "Vinnie."}, {"start": 57.07, "end": 61.08, "text": "Jesse, you sober."}, {"start": 61.08, "end": 62.08, "text": "You're no fun."}, {"start": 62.08, "end": 66.08, "text": "A party with you is just a guy drinking water and judging everyone's choices."}, {"start": 66.08, "end": 69.08, "text": "At least when I black out, I forget my problems."}, {"start": 69.08, "end": 80.74, "text": "You remember every last one of yours."}, {"start": 80.74, "end": 83.94, "text": "Vinnie, you drink socially the way a house burns slightly."}, {"start": 83.94, "end": 85.14, "text": "You don't have a hobby."}, {"start": 85.14, "end": 93.22, "text": "You got a coping mechanism with a lime in it."}, {"start": 93.22, "end": 95.22, "text": "No filter, no mercy, no chill."}, {"start": 95.22, "end": 101.96, "text": "All hail the queen of the burn unit, queen stank."}, {"start": 101.96, "end": 103.76, "text": "I drink and I love it."}, {"start": 103.76, "end": 105.76, "text": "Sober people are exhausting."}, {"start": 105.76, "end": 107.16, "text": "They remember what you said."}, {"start": 107.16, "end": 113.57, "text": "They show up on time and they never split a shot."}, {"start": 113.57, "end": 116.17, "text": "Older than your house, healthier than your group chat."}, {"start": 116.17, "end": 117.97, "text": "Grandpa's got no breaks."}, {"start": 117.97, "end": 118.97, "text": "Pops!"}, {"start": 118.97, "end": 124.98, "text": "I'm 81 and I still drink."}, {"start": 124.98, "end": 130.98, "text": "Listen, at my age, the doctor said the alcohol is the only thing holding me together."}, {"start": 130.98, "end": 137.81, "text": "See, but here's my truth, folks."}, {"start": 137.81, "end": 141.81, "text": "I got sober because I watched my dad drink for 18 years of my life."}, {"start": 141.81, "end": 142.81, "text": "18 years."}, {"start": 142.81, "end": 145.81, "text": "He is the reason I gave my pain a color."}, {"start": 145.81, "end": 147.81, "text": "And that color was the bottom of a glass."}, {"start": 147.81, "end": 149.81, "text": "So when I quit, I didn't just put down a drink."}, {"start": 149.81, "end": 151.81, "text": "I put down his drink."}, {"start": 151.81, "end": 154.81, "text": "The one that had been waiting for me my whole life."}, {"start": 157.31, "end": 160.31, "text": "And that kid is the bravest punch line in the room."}, {"start": 160.31, "end": 165.48, "text": "So drink, don't drink."}, {"start": 165.48, "end": 167.48, "text": "One of us numbs the pain, the other finally feels it."}, {"start": 167.48, "end": 169.48, "text": "I chose to feel it."}, {"start": 169.48, "end": 171.48, "text": "And then I turned it into all of this."}, {"start": 171.48, "end": 173.48, "text": "Colors of my pain isn't a website, folks."}, {"start": 173.48, "end": 177.48, "text": "It's a guy who decided his story was gonna end different than his old man's."}, {"start": 177.48, "end": 179.48, "text": "That's why the hero gets the last laugh,"}, {"start": 179.48, "end": 181.48, "text": "because I'm still here to laugh at all."}, {"start": 181.48, "end": 182.48, "text": "This is Red Line."}, {"start": 182.48, "end": 183.48, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 183.48, "end": 184.48, "text": "Good night."}, {"start": 184.48, "end": 193.24, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 193.24, "end": 201.24, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 201.24, "end": 207.24, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 207.24, "end": 210.24, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 210.24, "end": 212.24, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 212.24, "end": 216.24, "text": "Going through something, so is he, always."}, {"start": 216.24, "end": 218.24, "text": "So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 218.24, "end": 222.24, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 222.24, "end": 226.24, "text": "Before the dark wins, the Red Line Comedy Club open all night."}, {"start": 226.24, "end": 230.24, "text": "Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 230.24, "end": 232.24, "text": "Subscribe, he needs the attention."}, {"start": 232.24, "end": 233.24, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Tonight, drinkers versus sober. And I'm team sober. I quit drinking, which means I feel every single thing now in stunning high definition. I drink coffee like it owes me money and I cry at dog commercials. Drinkers come at me. Vinnie, you got a beer swing. From Brooklyn, marry 20 years and still doing the time. The wise guy with a wedding ring like an ankle monitor. Vinnie. Jesse, you sober. You're no fun. A party with you is just a guy drinking water and judging everyone's choices. At least when I black out, I forget my problems. You remember every last one of yours. Vinnie, you drink socially the way a house burns slightly. You don't have a hobby. You got a coping mechanism with a lime in it. No filter, no mercy, no chill. All hail the queen of the burn unit, queen stank. I drink and I love it. Sober people are exhausting. They remember what you said. They show up on time and they never split a shot. Older than your house, healthier than your group chat. Grandpa's got no breaks. Pops! I'm 81 and I still drink. Listen, at my age, the doctor said the alcohol is the only thing holding me together. See, but here's my truth, folks. I got sober because I watched my dad drink for 18 years of my life. 18 years. He is the reason I gave my pain a color. And that color was the bottom of a glass. So when I quit, I didn't just put down a drink. I put down his drink. The one that had been waiting for me my whole life. And that kid is the bravest punch line in the room. So drink, don't drink. One of us numbs the pain, the other finally feels it. I chose to feel it. And then I turned it into all of this. Colors of my pain isn't a website, folks. It's a guy who decided his story was gonna end different than his old man's. That's why the hero gets the last laugh, because I'm still here to laugh at all. This is Red Line. This is Kill Jesse. Good night. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something, so is he, always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark wins, the Red Line Comedy Club open all night. Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}