{"file": "audio/vault/13_greatest_hits_roastorama.mp3", "duration_sec": 172.5, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.84, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 2.84, "end": 5.54, "text": "Adults only, no kids, no mercy."}, {"start": 5.54, "end": 8.24, "text": "For 15 years, one show ruled comedy."}, {"start": 8.24, "end": 10.24, "text": "Tonight, we come for the crown."}, {"start": 10.24, "end": 13.88, "text": "This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer"}, {"start": 13.88, "end": 16.68, "text": "24 hours a day, seven days a week."}, {"start": 16.68, "end": 20.44, "text": "We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years."}, {"start": 20.44, "end": 24.12, "text": "Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh."}, {"start": 24.12, "end": 25.36, "text": "Jesse!"}, {"start": 25.36, "end": 27.16, "text": "Tonight, we run the greatest hits."}, {"start": 27.16, "end": 29.56, "text": "The best jokes from a lifetime of bad decisions"}, {"start": 29.56, "end": 31.96, "text": "and my whole crew is gonna help me bury me."}, {"start": 31.96, "end": 35.72, "text": "My opener, I'm 50, broke sober, three dogs in a felony."}, {"start": 35.72, "end": 36.92, "text": "I had a great life."}, {"start": 36.92, "end": 39.28, "text": "I just experienced all of it personally."}, {"start": 39.28, "end": 46.34, "text": "Mickey hit him."}, {"start": 46.34, "end": 50.18, "text": "My credit score and my love life have the exact same number."}, {"start": 50.18, "end": 56.58, "text": "And it's been fair for way too long."}, {"start": 56.58, "end": 58.3, "text": "I'm not broke, I'm pre-rich."}, {"start": 58.3, "end": 67.22, "text": "I've been pre-rich for five straight decades."}, {"start": 67.22, "end": 70.5, "text": "My savings account is more of a savings concept."}, {"start": 70.5, "end": 73.54, "text": "Like Narnia, you believe in it, but you're never getting it."}, {"start": 77.56, "end": 80.92, "text": "I came to Vegas with $700 and a dream."}, {"start": 80.92, "end": 89.0, "text": "The dream was the $700."}, {"start": 89.0, "end": 90.8, "text": "Money can't buy happiness."}, {"start": 90.8, "end": 99.01, "text": "But I've never once seen anyone cry on a jet ski."}, {"start": 99.01, "end": 101.01, "text": "My old job said we're a family."}, {"start": 101.01, "end": 102.65, "text": "Yeah, the kind that don't pay you"}, {"start": 102.65, "end": 108.54, "text": "and still wants you there on weekends."}, {"start": 108.54, "end": 110.94, "text": "Depression is the house guess that eats your food"}, {"start": 110.94, "end": 117.5, "text": "never leaves and sleeps on your side of the bed."}, {"start": 117.5, "end": 119.5, "text": "I've never hit rock bottom."}, {"start": 119.5, "end": 123.3, "text": "I keep finding a basement under it with a forrent sign."}, {"start": 129.99, "end": 131.63, "text": "And here's the closer folks."}, {"start": 131.63, "end": 135.47, "text": "I gave my pain colors like a sad crayon box nobody asked for."}, {"start": 135.47, "end": 137.27, "text": "Then I turned it into all of this."}, {"start": 137.27, "end": 140.07, "text": "Comedy is just tragedy that finally paid rent"}, {"start": 140.07, "end": 142.11, "text": "and the hero gets the last laugh."}, {"start": 142.11, "end": 143.43, "text": "This is red line."}, {"start": 143.43, "end": 150.81, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 150.81, "end": 152.09, "text": "That's our show."}, {"start": 152.09, "end": 153.37, "text": "But we never stop."}, {"start": 153.37, "end": 157.89, "text": "New comedy 24-7 and a two hour Kill Jesse Special four times a month."}, {"start": 157.89, "end": 161.13, "text": "We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days."}, {"start": 161.13, "end": 163.13, "text": "So come back tomorrow and the day after"}, {"start": 163.13, "end": 165.97, "text": "because at red line the carnival never closes."}, {"start": 165.97, "end": 168.85, "text": "Subscribe, share and tell your filthiest friend."}, {"start": 168.85, "end": 170.53, "text": "This is bombed.app."}, {"start": 170.53, "end": 172.41, "text": "Good night and stay unhinged."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLadies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club. Adults only, no kids, no mercy. For 15 years, one show ruled comedy. Tonight, we come for the crown. This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years. Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh. Jesse! Tonight, we run the greatest hits. The best jokes from a lifetime of bad decisions and my whole crew is gonna help me bury me. My opener, I'm 50, broke sober, three dogs in a felony. I had a great life. I just experienced all of it personally. Mickey hit him. My credit score and my love life have the exact same number. And it's been fair for way too long. I'm not broke, I'm pre-rich. I've been pre-rich for five straight decades. My savings account is more of a savings concept. Like Narnia, you believe in it, but you're never getting it. I came to Vegas with $700 and a dream. The dream was the $700. Money can't buy happiness. But I've never once seen anyone cry on a jet ski. My old job said we're a family. Yeah, the kind that don't pay you and still wants you there on weekends. Depression is the house guess that eats your food never leaves and sleeps on your side of the bed. I've never hit rock bottom. I keep finding a basement under it with a forrent sign. And here's the closer folks. I gave my pain colors like a sad crayon box nobody asked for. Then I turned it into all of this. Comedy is just tragedy that finally paid rent and the hero gets the last laugh. This is red line. This is Kill Jesse. That's our show. But we never stop. New comedy 24-7 and a two hour Kill Jesse Special four times a month. We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days. So come back tomorrow and the day after because at red line the carnival never closes. Subscribe, share and tell your filthiest friend. This is bombed.app. Good night and stay unhinged.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}