{"file": "audio/vault/139_skinny_fluffy_script.mp3", "duration_sec": 239.1, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.14, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.14, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.34, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.34, "end": 28.14, "text": "We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 34.24, "text": "Tonight, it's the battle that divides America."}, {"start": 34.24, "end": 35.64, "text": "Skinny versus fluffy."}, {"start": 35.64, "end": 40.04, "text": "I'm Team Skinny, which means I'm one stiff breeze from a missing person's report."}, {"start": 40.04, "end": 43.84, "text": "I grew up the only twig in a forest of comfort so I know both sides."}, {"start": 43.84, "end": 45.24, "text": "Let the war begin."}, {"start": 45.24, "end": 50.5, "text": "Big Mama come for me."}, {"start": 50.5, "end": 53.1, "text": "Loud enough for the cheap seats in the next county."}, {"start": 53.1, "end": 55.7, "text": "She loves you, she'll bury you. Big Mama."}, {"start": 55.7, "end": 61.94, "text": "Jesse, you're so skinny that when you turn sideways,"}, {"start": 61.94, "end": 63.74, "text": "the show takes a commercial break."}, {"start": 63.74, "end": 66.74, "text": "You don't cast a shadow. You cast a suggestion."}, {"start": 66.74, "end": 79.78, "text": "Big Mama, you got a beautiful personality and a gravitational pull."}, {"start": 79.78, "end": 82.78, "text": "People don't hug you. They get caught in your orbit."}, {"start": 82.78, "end": 89.87, "text": "All protein, one personality."}, {"start": 89.87, "end": 91.87, "text": "The Jim Bro who skipped leg day in therapy."}, {"start": 91.87, "end": 92.87, "text": "Skip!"}, {"start": 92.87, "end": 98.98, "text": "I'm Team Skinny, six days a week in the gym."}, {"start": 98.98, "end": 100.98, "text": "Big Mama, your cardio is reaching for the remote"}, {"start": 100.98, "end": 102.98, "text": "and your cheat day is a whole calendar."}, {"start": 102.98, "end": 108.27, "text": "Skip your all muscle and no brain."}, {"start": 108.27, "end": 110.27, "text": "A Greek statue with the lights off."}, {"start": 110.27, "end": 114.27, "text": "And honey, skinny boys like you snap during a firm handshake."}, {"start": 114.27, "end": 122.26, "text": "Older than your house, filthier than your group chat."}, {"start": 122.26, "end": 125.26, "text": "Grandpa's got no breaks. Pops!"}, {"start": 129.17, "end": 131.17, "text": "I'm Fluffy and I'm 81."}, {"start": 131.17, "end": 135.17, "text": "Listen, skinny don't keep you warm and it don't keep you company."}, {"start": 135.17, "end": 138.17, "text": "I got insulation and a personality."}, {"start": 138.17, "end": 144.44, "text": "He's not a real doctor, but neither was the guy who did your tattoos."}, {"start": 144.44, "end": 147.44, "text": "The roast physician is in, Doc Burn."}, {"start": 147.44, "end": 154.45, "text": "Medical fact, skinny Jesse here has a resting heart rate of please end it."}, {"start": 154.45, "end": 156.45, "text": "We Fluffy folks live longer."}, {"start": 156.45, "end": 159.45, "text": "We just got more of us to love and more of us to bury."}, {"start": 159.45, "end": 168.1, "text": "And that's the war, folks."}, {"start": 168.1, "end": 171.1, "text": "Skinny, fluffy we all end up in the same size box."}, {"start": 171.1, "end": 172.1, "text": "Mine just ships cheaper."}, {"start": 172.1, "end": 175.1, "text": "Truth is I'm skinny because anxiety is my personal trainer"}, {"start": 175.1, "end": 177.1, "text": "and heartbreak is my meal plan."}, {"start": 177.1, "end": 180.1, "text": "So thick or thin we're all just trying to make it to the buffet of life."}, {"start": 180.1, "end": 182.1, "text": "The hero gets the last laugh."}, {"start": 182.1, "end": 185.1, "text": "This is Red Line, kill Jesse."}, {"start": 185.1, "end": 192.8, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 192.8, "end": 198.8, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day"}, {"start": 198.8, "end": 200.8, "text": "of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 200.8, "end": 205.8, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours,"}, {"start": 205.8, "end": 206.8, "text": "seven days a week."}, {"start": 206.8, "end": 210.8, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 210.8, "end": 212.8, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 212.8, "end": 215.8, "text": "Going through something, so is he, always."}, {"start": 215.8, "end": 217.8, "text": "So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 217.8, "end": 221.8, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 221.8, "end": 225.8, "text": "Before the dark winds, the Red Line Comedy Club open all night."}, {"start": 225.8, "end": 229.8, "text": "Because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 229.8, "end": 232.8, "text": "Subscribe, he needs the attention."}, {"start": 232.8, "end": 233.8, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Tonight, it's the battle that divides America. Skinny versus fluffy. I'm Team Skinny, which means I'm one stiff breeze from a missing person's report. I grew up the only twig in a forest of comfort so I know both sides. Let the war begin. Big Mama come for me. Loud enough for the cheap seats in the next county. She loves you, she'll bury you. Big Mama. Jesse, you're so skinny that when you turn sideways, the show takes a commercial break. You don't cast a shadow. You cast a suggestion. Big Mama, you got a beautiful personality and a gravitational pull. People don't hug you. They get caught in your orbit. All protein, one personality. The Jim Bro who skipped leg day in therapy. Skip! I'm Team Skinny, six days a week in the gym. Big Mama, your cardio is reaching for the remote and your cheat day is a whole calendar. Skip your all muscle and no brain. A Greek statue with the lights off. And honey, skinny boys like you snap during a firm handshake. Older than your house, filthier than your group chat. Grandpa's got no breaks. Pops! I'm Fluffy and I'm 81. Listen, skinny don't keep you warm and it don't keep you company. I got insulation and a personality. He's not a real doctor, but neither was the guy who did your tattoos. The roast physician is in, Doc Burn. Medical fact, skinny Jesse here has a resting heart rate of please end it. We Fluffy folks live longer. We just got more of us to love and more of us to bury. And that's the war, folks. Skinny, fluffy we all end up in the same size box. Mine just ships cheaper. Truth is I'm skinny because anxiety is my personal trainer and heartbreak is my meal plan. So thick or thin we're all just trying to make it to the buffet of life. The hero gets the last laugh. This is Red Line, kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something, so is he, always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark winds, the Red Line Comedy Club open all night. Because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}