{"file": "audio/vault/137_showcase_script.mp3", "duration_sec": 306.2, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.14, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.14, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.34, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.34, "end": 26.74, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 26.74, "end": 31.64, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 31.64, "end": 34.64, "text": "Tonight, the comics perform and the judges destroy."}, {"start": 34.64, "end": 38.44, "text": "Each comic does their best bit than my panel roasts him into dust."}, {"start": 38.44, "end": 40.44, "text": "Bring your jokes and your therapist."}, {"start": 40.44, "end": 46.99, "text": "First up, Mickey."}, {"start": 46.99, "end": 50.79, "text": "Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags than a parade?"}, {"start": 50.79, "end": 52.39, "text": "Your every man of error?"}, {"start": 52.39, "end": 53.39, "text": "Mickey!"}, {"start": 53.39, "end": 58.56, "text": "I'm on every dating app."}, {"start": 58.56, "end": 62.76, "text": "My profile says 50 divorced, financially recovering."}, {"start": 62.76, "end": 65.76, "text": "I matched with a debt counselor and a priest,"}, {"start": 65.76, "end": 67.76, "text": "and the priest swiped left."}, {"start": 67.76, "end": 82.82, "text": "Six baby, cute, but you rushed the tag."}, {"start": 82.82, "end": 84.82, "text": "The priest line was her knockout."}, {"start": 84.82, "end": 86.62, "text": "Let it breathe next time."}, {"start": 86.62, "end": 91.98, "text": "Next up, Vinnie."}, {"start": 91.98, "end": 94.98, "text": "From Brooklyn, married 20 years and still doing the time."}, {"start": 94.98, "end": 101.96, "text": "The wise guy with a wedding ring like an ankle monitor, Vinnie."}, {"start": 101.96, "end": 104.96, "text": "18 years married, my wife said the spark is gone."}, {"start": 104.96, "end": 108.76, "text": "I said baby, so is my hairline, my savings, and my will to live."}, {"start": 108.76, "end": 119.97, "text": "We're a matching set."}, {"start": 119.97, "end": 121.17, "text": "Eight now, that's a tag."}, {"start": 121.17, "end": 124.17, "text": "Three things escalating, but Vinnie, you smiled at your own joke."}, {"start": 124.17, "end": 133.68, "text": "Confidence is good, needing the laugh is desperate."}, {"start": 133.68, "end": 135.28, "text": "Doc burned with a medicine."}, {"start": 135.28, "end": 139.26, "text": "Next, Queen's stank."}, {"start": 139.26, "end": 141.26, "text": "No filter, no mercy, no chill."}, {"start": 141.26, "end": 143.26, "text": "All hail the Queen of the Burn Unit."}, {"start": 143.26, "end": 147.96, "text": "Queen's stank."}, {"start": 147.96, "end": 150.76, "text": "A man slid in my messages with one word."}, {"start": 150.76, "end": 153.36, "text": "Hey, so I sent him my hourly rate."}, {"start": 153.36, "end": 154.56, "text": "He unmatched."}, {"start": 154.56, "end": 169.46, "text": "Best date I had all year and he paid."}, {"start": 169.46, "end": 171.46, "text": "Madonna, that's a closer."}, {"start": 171.46, "end": 172.66, "text": "Nine."}, {"start": 172.66, "end": 175.46, "text": "But Queen, you're so mean even I'm scared"}, {"start": 175.46, "end": 182.78, "text": "and I've made people disappear."}, {"start": 182.78, "end": 184.78, "text": "Jerry the Italian judge approves."}, {"start": 184.78, "end": 188.11, "text": "One more pops."}, {"start": 188.11, "end": 190.71, "text": "Older than your house, healthier than your group chat."}, {"start": 190.71, "end": 192.51, "text": "Grandpa's got no breaks."}, {"start": 192.51, "end": 196.89, "text": "Pops."}, {"start": 196.89, "end": 199.49, "text": "I'm 81 and back on the dating scene."}, {"start": 199.49, "end": 203.49, "text": "At my age, a hot date is a woman who knows CPR."}, {"start": 203.49, "end": 217.61, "text": "I don't want a soulmate, I want a spotter."}, {"start": 217.61, "end": 220.81, "text": "Nine specificity and a twist pops, I want a spotter."}, {"start": 220.81, "end": 222.81, "text": "You took romance and made it survival."}, {"start": 222.81, "end": 229.1, "text": "Textbook, the rest of you take notes."}, {"start": 229.1, "end": 230.9, "text": "And that's the showcase, folks."}, {"start": 230.9, "end": 233.1, "text": "Real jokes, real tags, real judges"}, {"start": 233.1, "end": 234.7, "text": "and a whole lot of crying."}, {"start": 234.7, "end": 237.7, "text": "The lesson, a joke is a setup, a punch and a tag."}, {"start": 237.7, "end": 239.5, "text": "Anything less is just talking with hope."}, {"start": 239.5, "end": 240.7, "text": "My comics brought the heat."}, {"start": 240.7, "end": 243.3, "text": "My judges brought the truth and I brought the last laugh."}, {"start": 243.3, "end": 245.3, "text": "Like always, this is Red Line."}, {"start": 245.3, "end": 258.34, "text": "Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 258.34, "end": 260.74, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 260.74, "end": 264.94, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour"}, {"start": 264.94, "end": 268.94, "text": "of every single day of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 268.94, "end": 271.94, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down."}, {"start": 271.94, "end": 274.54, "text": "24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 274.54, "end": 278.14, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 278.14, "end": 280.14, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 280.14, "end": 282.54, "text": "Going through something, so is he."}, {"start": 282.54, "end": 283.54, "text": "Always."}, {"start": 283.54, "end": 285.94, "text": "So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 285.94, "end": 289.54, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 289.54, "end": 292.34, "text": "Before the dark winds, the Red Line comedy club."}, {"start": 292.34, "end": 294.94, "text": "Open all night because somewhere out there,"}, {"start": 294.94, "end": 297.54, "text": "it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 297.54, "end": 298.54, "text": "Subscribe."}, {"start": 298.54, "end": 299.94, "text": "He needs the attention."}, {"start": 299.94, "end": 300.94, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Tonight, the comics perform and the judges destroy. Each comic does their best bit than my panel roasts him into dust. Bring your jokes and your therapist. First up, Mickey. Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags than a parade? Your every man of error? Mickey! I'm on every dating app. My profile says 50 divorced, financially recovering. I matched with a debt counselor and a priest, and the priest swiped left. Six baby, cute, but you rushed the tag. The priest line was her knockout. Let it breathe next time. Next up, Vinnie. From Brooklyn, married 20 years and still doing the time. The wise guy with a wedding ring like an ankle monitor, Vinnie. 18 years married, my wife said the spark is gone. I said baby, so is my hairline, my savings, and my will to live. We're a matching set. Eight now, that's a tag. Three things escalating, but Vinnie, you smiled at your own joke. Confidence is good, needing the laugh is desperate. Doc burned with a medicine. Next, Queen's stank. No filter, no mercy, no chill. All hail the Queen of the Burn Unit. Queen's stank. A man slid in my messages with one word. Hey, so I sent him my hourly rate. He unmatched. Best date I had all year and he paid. Madonna, that's a closer. Nine. But Queen, you're so mean even I'm scared and I've made people disappear. Jerry the Italian judge approves. One more pops. Older than your house, healthier than your group chat. Grandpa's got no breaks. Pops. I'm 81 and back on the dating scene. At my age, a hot date is a woman who knows CPR. I don't want a soulmate, I want a spotter. Nine specificity and a twist pops, I want a spotter. You took romance and made it survival. Textbook, the rest of you take notes. And that's the showcase, folks. Real jokes, real tags, real judges and a whole lot of crying. The lesson, a joke is a setup, a punch and a tag. Anything less is just talking with hope. My comics brought the heat. My judges brought the truth and I brought the last laugh. Like always, this is Red Line. Kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down. 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something, so is he. Always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark winds, the Red Line comedy club. Open all night because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}