{"file": "audio/vault/133_rich_poor_script.mp3", "duration_sec": 222.9, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.04, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.04, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.24, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.24, "end": 26.74, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 26.74, "end": 28.24, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 28.24, "end": 34.64, "text": "Tonight Rich vs. Poor, and I'm captain of Team Broke."}, {"start": 34.64, "end": 38.84, "text": "I'm not poor, I'm pre-rich and I've been pre-rich for 50 years and four credit cards."}, {"start": 38.84, "end": 42.24, "text": "My bank app doesn't show a balance anymore, it just shows a tear."}, {"start": 42.24, "end": 44.24, "text": "Rich folks flex on me."}, {"start": 44.24, "end": 49.73, "text": "Nigel, you snob fire."}, {"start": 49.73, "end": 52.53, "text": "Jesse, you're so broke, your wallet has a chalk outline."}, {"start": 52.53, "end": 55.73, "text": "You don't have a savings account, you have a savings concept."}, {"start": 55.73, "end": 58.73, "text": "The closest you'll get to wealthy is standing next to me."}, {"start": 58.73, "end": 72.03, "text": "Nigel, you inherited everything, which means you've never earned a single thing"}, {"start": 72.03, "end": 74.53, "text": "except the resentment of everyone who has."}, {"start": 74.63, "end": 83.97, "text": "I'm in debt, but at least my failures have my name on them."}, {"start": 83.97, "end": 86.47, "text": "He optimized his entire life and ended up here."}, {"start": 86.47, "end": 89.47, "text": "The burnt out tech bro running on fumes and cold brew."}, {"start": 89.47, "end": 90.47, "text": "Trip."}, {"start": 90.47, "end": 96.54, "text": "I made $4 million on an app that does nothing."}, {"start": 96.54, "end": 101.14, "text": "Jesse, your whole empire runs on a supercomputer you can barely afford to plug in."}, {"start": 101.14, "end": 107.14, "text": "Older than your house, filthier than your group chat."}, {"start": 107.14, "end": 109.14, "text": "Grandpa's got no breaks."}, {"start": 109.14, "end": 113.45, "text": "Pops!"}, {"start": 113.45, "end": 116.25, "text": "Trip, you got money but no soul son."}, {"start": 116.35, "end": 120.65, "text": "I've been poor 81 years and let me tell you rich people aren't happier."}, {"start": 120.65, "end": 122.85, "text": "They just cry in nicer cause."}, {"start": 122.85, "end": 132.03, "text": "Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags than a parade."}, {"start": 132.03, "end": 133.63, "text": "Your every man of error?"}, {"start": 133.63, "end": 134.63, "text": "Mickey!"}, {"start": 134.63, "end": 139.8, "text": "I'm broke too, Jesse."}, {"start": 139.8, "end": 144.8, "text": "My credit score and my body count are the same number and they're both embarrassing."}, {"start": 144.8, "end": 149.82, "text": "And that's the war, folks."}, {"start": 149.82, "end": 151.82, "text": "Rich poor, one of you can't sleep from worry."}, {"start": 151.82, "end": 155.82, "text": "The other can't sleep on a mattress made of money and we all die owing somebody."}, {"start": 155.82, "end": 160.42, "text": "Truth is, I'm 50 grand in debt and the only thing I own outright is my mistakes."}, {"start": 160.42, "end": 165.02, "text": "But I turn being broken to a business so technically I'm the richest poor man you'll ever meet."}, {"start": 165.02, "end": 166.62, "text": "The hero gets the last laugh."}, {"start": 166.62, "end": 175.06, "text": "This is Red Line, kill Jesse."}, {"start": 175.06, "end": 177.46, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 177.46, "end": 185.66, "text": "But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 185.66, "end": 191.26, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 191.26, "end": 194.86, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 194.86, "end": 196.86, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 196.86, "end": 200.26, "text": "Going through something so is he, always."}, {"start": 200.26, "end": 202.66, "text": "So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 202.66, "end": 206.26, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 206.26, "end": 210.26, "text": "Before the dark winds, the Red Line comedy club open all night."}, {"start": 210.26, "end": 214.26, "text": "Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 214.26, "end": 216.86, "text": "Subscribe, he needs the attention."}, {"start": 216.86, "end": 217.86, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Tonight Rich vs. Poor, and I'm captain of Team Broke. I'm not poor, I'm pre-rich and I've been pre-rich for 50 years and four credit cards. My bank app doesn't show a balance anymore, it just shows a tear. Rich folks flex on me. Nigel, you snob fire. Jesse, you're so broke, your wallet has a chalk outline. You don't have a savings account, you have a savings concept. The closest you'll get to wealthy is standing next to me. Nigel, you inherited everything, which means you've never earned a single thing except the resentment of everyone who has. I'm in debt, but at least my failures have my name on them. He optimized his entire life and ended up here. The burnt out tech bro running on fumes and cold brew. Trip. I made $4 million on an app that does nothing. Jesse, your whole empire runs on a supercomputer you can barely afford to plug in. Older than your house, filthier than your group chat. Grandpa's got no breaks. Pops! Trip, you got money but no soul son. I've been poor 81 years and let me tell you rich people aren't happier. They just cry in nicer cause. Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags than a parade. Your every man of error? Mickey! I'm broke too, Jesse. My credit score and my body count are the same number and they're both embarrassing. And that's the war, folks. Rich poor, one of you can't sleep from worry. The other can't sleep on a mattress made of money and we all die owing somebody. Truth is, I'm 50 grand in debt and the only thing I own outright is my mistakes. But I turn being broken to a business so technically I'm the richest poor man you'll ever meet. The hero gets the last laugh. This is Red Line, kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something so is he, always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark winds, the Red Line comedy club open all night. Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}