{"file": "audio/vault/130_nonstop_script.mp3", "duration_sec": 241.8, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth with a headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.04, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software,"}, {"start": 19.04, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.24, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.24, "end": 26.74, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 26.74, "end": 28.14, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 35.41, "text": "Strap in degenerates, the Red Line Carnival ride is leaving the station."}, {"start": 35.51, "end": 38.21, "text": "No breaks, no mercy, all roasts."}, {"start": 38.21, "end": 49.38, "text": "Here's your conductor of chaos, Jesse."}, {"start": 49.38, "end": 51.68, "text": "Welcome to the ride that never stops."}, {"start": 51.68, "end": 54.48, "text": "Tonight, these clowns roast each other till somebody cries"}, {"start": 54.48, "end": 56.38, "text": "and it better not be me again."}, {"start": 56.38, "end": 57.38, "text": "Mickey, you're up."}, {"start": 57.38, "end": 63.01, "text": "Vinnie, you're on deck to bury him."}, {"start": 63.01, "end": 66.71, "text": "Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags than a parade?"}, {"start": 66.71, "end": 68.31, "text": "You're every man of error?"}, {"start": 68.31, "end": 72.75, "text": "Mickey!"}, {"start": 72.75, "end": 73.95, "text": "Thanks, Jesse."}, {"start": 73.95, "end": 77.85, "text": "Vinnie, you're so old your birth certificate is in Roman numerals."}, {"start": 77.95, "end": 79.65, "text": "18 years married."}, {"start": 79.65, "end": 80.85, "text": "That's not a marriage."}, {"start": 80.85, "end": 92.01, "text": "That stock-homes syndrome with a mortgage."}, {"start": 92.01, "end": 95.21, "text": "From Brooklyn, married 20 years and still doing the time."}, {"start": 95.21, "end": 98.01, "text": "The wise guy with a wedding ring like an ankle monitor."}, {"start": 98.01, "end": 102.19, "text": "Vinnie."}, {"start": 102.19, "end": 105.59, "text": "Mickey, you got a face for radio and a voice for silent films."}, {"start": 105.59, "end": 109.19, "text": "You match with women on the apps and they unmatch you while you're still typing."}, {"start": 109.19, "end": 120.08, "text": "Doc Burn, get over here before I start liking this kid."}, {"start": 120.08, "end": 123.98, "text": "He's not a real doctor, but neither was the guy who did your tattoos."}, {"start": 124.08, "end": 130.22, "text": "The roast physician is in Doc Burn."}, {"start": 130.22, "end": 133.62, "text": "Vinnie, you're so cheap, you breathe through your nose to save on cologne."}, {"start": 133.62, "end": 146.11, "text": "Jerry, you Italian peacock, you iron your shirts and your alibis."}, {"start": 146.11, "end": 149.41, "text": "Doc Burn, you've got a personality like a parking ticket."}, {"start": 149.41, "end": 151.91, "text": "Nobody wants you and you ruin the whole day."}, {"start": 151.91, "end": 161.8, "text": "Nana, you sweet old terrorist, finish them."}, {"start": 161.8, "end": 165.1, "text": "Jerry, you talk tough, but you still call your mother to cut your meat."}, {"start": 165.1, "end": 179.24, "text": "And all you boys, you're exactly why I start drinking the good wine before noon."}, {"start": 179.24, "end": 181.94, "text": "Nana with the body bag, that's the ride folks."}, {"start": 181.94, "end": 184.54, "text": "Nobody survived including myself a steam."}, {"start": 184.54, "end": 185.54, "text": "This is Red Line."}, {"start": 185.54, "end": 186.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 186.74, "end": 194.24, "text": "Now get the hell home."}, {"start": 194.24, "end": 196.64, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 196.64, "end": 203.14, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new"}, {"start": 203.14, "end": 204.84, "text": "comic steps up."}, {"start": 204.84, "end": 210.44, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 210.44, "end": 214.04, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 214.04, "end": 215.84, "text": "Sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 215.84, "end": 218.34, "text": "Going through something, so is he."}, {"start": 218.34, "end": 219.34, "text": "Always."}, {"start": 219.34, "end": 221.64, "text": "So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 221.64, "end": 225.24, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 225.24, "end": 229.24, "text": "Before the dark winds, the Red Line comedy club open all night."}, {"start": 229.24, "end": 233.24, "text": "Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 233.24, "end": 234.24, "text": "Subscribe."}, {"start": 234.24, "end": 235.74, "text": "He needs the attention."}, {"start": 235.74, "end": 236.24, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth with a headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software, and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Strap in degenerates, the Red Line Carnival ride is leaving the station. No breaks, no mercy, all roasts. Here's your conductor of chaos, Jesse. Welcome to the ride that never stops. Tonight, these clowns roast each other till somebody cries and it better not be me again. Mickey, you're up. Vinnie, you're on deck to bury him. Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags than a parade? You're every man of error? Mickey! Thanks, Jesse. Vinnie, you're so old your birth certificate is in Roman numerals. 18 years married. That's not a marriage. That stock-homes syndrome with a mortgage. From Brooklyn, married 20 years and still doing the time. The wise guy with a wedding ring like an ankle monitor. Vinnie. Mickey, you got a face for radio and a voice for silent films. You match with women on the apps and they unmatch you while you're still typing. Doc Burn, get over here before I start liking this kid. He's not a real doctor, but neither was the guy who did your tattoos. The roast physician is in Doc Burn. Vinnie, you're so cheap, you breathe through your nose to save on cologne. Jerry, you Italian peacock, you iron your shirts and your alibis. Doc Burn, you've got a personality like a parking ticket. Nobody wants you and you ruin the whole day. Nana, you sweet old terrorist, finish them. Jerry, you talk tough, but you still call your mother to cut your meat. And all you boys, you're exactly why I start drinking the good wine before noon. Nana with the body bag, that's the ride folks. Nobody survived including myself a steam. This is Red Line. This is Kill Jesse. Now get the hell home. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Sleep, we're up. Going through something, so is he. Always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark winds, the Red Line comedy club open all night. Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}