{"file": "audio/vault/128_mom_script.mp3", "duration_sec": 230.2, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.04, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software,"}, {"start": 19.04, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.24, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.24, "end": 28.24, "text": "We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 28.24, "end": 34.24, "text": "Tonight, Mom's versus no M-O-M-S."}, {"start": 34.24, "end": 35.54, "text": "And I'm team no Mom."}, {"start": 35.64, "end": 36.64, "text": "Here's the kicker, folks."}, {"start": 36.64, "end": 39.14, "text": "I didn't lose my Mom to some big dramatic thing."}, {"start": 39.14, "end": 42.84, "text": "I lost her because I told her I loved her and I wanted her to take care of herself."}, {"start": 42.84, "end": 45.54, "text": "Lose a little weight, talk to somebody, get some help."}, {"start": 45.54, "end": 47.64, "text": "And for that, she fired me as a son."}, {"start": 47.64, "end": 50.64, "text": "I'm the only man alive who got disowned for giving a damn."}, {"start": 50.64, "end": 52.24, "text": "People with Mom's come at me."}, {"start": 52.24, "end": 59.19, "text": "Nana."}, {"start": 59.19, "end": 61.99, "text": "Jesse, you lost your Mom for telling her to get healthy."}, {"start": 61.99, "end": 64.59, "text": "Boy, you said the three words no Mother survives."}, {"start": 64.59, "end": 72.04, "text": "Let's get help."}, {"start": 72.04, "end": 74.24, "text": "Nana, your kids stopped calling you."}, {"start": 74.24, "end": 77.44, "text": "My Mom stopped calling me, and we both end up alone."}, {"start": 77.54, "end": 80.54, "text": "The difference is I'm the only one who got cut off for caring."}, {"start": 80.54, "end": 84.34, "text": "I sent a love letter and got a restraining order in spirit."}, {"start": 84.34, "end": 92.34, "text": "Loud enough for the cheap seats in the next county?"}, {"start": 92.34, "end": 94.84, "text": "She loves you, she'll bury you big, Mama!"}, {"start": 94.84, "end": 103.25, "text": "Jesse, baby, you told a woman to lose weight and see a therapist in the same conversation."}, {"start": 103.25, "end": 105.95, "text": "You didn't lose a Mom. You committed a crime."}, {"start": 105.95, "end": 107.85, "text": "No man comes back from that."}, {"start": 107.85, "end": 120.12, "text": "In my family, you don't tell Mom nothing."}, {"start": 120.12, "end": 124.02, "text": "You eat what she makes and you keep your opinions in a jar in the basement,"}, {"start": 124.12, "end": 128.7, "text": "like a normal person."}, {"start": 128.7, "end": 132.7, "text": "He's not a real doctor, but neither was the guy who did your tattoos."}, {"start": 132.7, "end": 138.74, "text": "The roast physician is in Doc Burn."}, {"start": 138.74, "end": 142.74, "text": "Jesse, you tried to fix your Mom's health and your whole family fired you."}, {"start": 142.74, "end": 151.08, "text": "That's like getting kicked out of the hospital for knowing first aid."}, {"start": 151.08, "end": 152.38, "text": "And here's the truth, folks."}, {"start": 152.38, "end": 154.58, "text": "I lost my Mom because I wanted her here."}, {"start": 154.58, "end": 157.38, "text": "Longer, healthier, happier, and she'd rather be mad than be health."}, {"start": 157.38, "end": 158.98, "text": "That's the part nobody tells you."}, {"start": 158.98, "end": 161.68, "text": "Sometimes you love people who'd rather keep the pain than let you in,"}, {"start": 161.78, "end": 162.78, "text": "but I learned something."}, {"start": 162.78, "end": 164.98, "text": "You can't save somebody who's comfortable drowning."}, {"start": 164.98, "end": 169.48, "text": "So I let go. I got myself healthy and I built a family out of three dogs in a microphone."}, {"start": 169.48, "end": 173.18, "text": "The hero gets the last laugh even when it's the saddest joke he's got."}, {"start": 173.18, "end": 175.18, "text": "This is Red Line."}, {"start": 175.18, "end": 182.12, "text": "Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 182.12, "end": 184.62, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 184.62, "end": 190.62, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day"}, {"start": 190.62, "end": 192.82, "text": "of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 192.82, "end": 195.92, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down."}, {"start": 195.92, "end": 198.42, "text": "24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 198.42, "end": 201.92, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 201.92, "end": 203.92, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 203.92, "end": 206.42, "text": "Going through something, so is he."}, {"start": 206.42, "end": 207.42, "text": "Always."}, {"start": 207.42, "end": 209.92, "text": "So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 209.92, "end": 213.42, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 213.42, "end": 217.42, "text": "Before the dark winds, the Red Line Comedy Club open all night."}, {"start": 217.42, "end": 221.42, "text": "Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 221.42, "end": 222.42, "text": "Subscribe."}, {"start": 222.42, "end": 223.92, "text": "He needs the attention."}, {"start": 223.92, "end": 224.92, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software, and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Tonight, Mom's versus no M-O-M-S. And I'm team no Mom. Here's the kicker, folks. I didn't lose my Mom to some big dramatic thing. I lost her because I told her I loved her and I wanted her to take care of herself. Lose a little weight, talk to somebody, get some help. And for that, she fired me as a son. I'm the only man alive who got disowned for giving a damn. People with Mom's come at me. Nana. Jesse, you lost your Mom for telling her to get healthy. Boy, you said the three words no Mother survives. Let's get help. Nana, your kids stopped calling you. My Mom stopped calling me, and we both end up alone. The difference is I'm the only one who got cut off for caring. I sent a love letter and got a restraining order in spirit. Loud enough for the cheap seats in the next county? She loves you, she'll bury you big, Mama! Jesse, baby, you told a woman to lose weight and see a therapist in the same conversation. You didn't lose a Mom. You committed a crime. No man comes back from that. In my family, you don't tell Mom nothing. You eat what she makes and you keep your opinions in a jar in the basement, like a normal person. He's not a real doctor, but neither was the guy who did your tattoos. The roast physician is in Doc Burn. Jesse, you tried to fix your Mom's health and your whole family fired you. That's like getting kicked out of the hospital for knowing first aid. And here's the truth, folks. I lost my Mom because I wanted her here. Longer, healthier, happier, and she'd rather be mad than be health. That's the part nobody tells you. Sometimes you love people who'd rather keep the pain than let you in, but I learned something. You can't save somebody who's comfortable drowning. So I let go. I got myself healthy and I built a family out of three dogs in a microphone. The hero gets the last laugh even when it's the saddest joke he's got. This is Red Line. Kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down. 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something, so is he. Always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark winds, the Red Line Comedy Club open all night. Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}