{"file": "audio/vault/126_last_script.mp3", "duration_sec": 148.6, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.14, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.14, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.34, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.34, "end": 26.74, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 26.74, "end": 28.14, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 35.84, "text": "Welcome to Kill Jesse, the open mic where I roast everybody, including me."}, {"start": 35.84, "end": 37.84, "text": "The rule is you roast yourself first."}, {"start": 37.84, "end": 41.44, "text": "Mine, I'm 50 broke, sober, and I clean toilets for a living."}, {"start": 41.44, "end": 43.84, "text": "First, itty it up, Mickey."}, {"start": 43.84, "end": 47.64, "text": "Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags than a parade."}, {"start": 47.64, "end": 49.14, "text": "You're every man of error?"}, {"start": 49.14, "end": 53.61, "text": "Mickey!"}, {"start": 53.61, "end": 55.81, "text": "I've been on every dating app."}, {"start": 55.81, "end": 58.31, "text": "My profile photo is me at a wedding."}, {"start": 58.31, "end": 59.61, "text": "Not my wedding."}, {"start": 59.61, "end": 61.61, "text": "I just go to weddings now."}, {"start": 61.61, "end": 67.21, "text": "It's the only place a woman assumes I have my life together for four hours."}, {"start": 67.31, "end": 71.31, "text": "Mickey everybody crashes weddings for the open bar and the eye contact."}, {"start": 71.31, "end": 73.01, "text": "Next, Vinnie."}, {"start": 73.01, "end": 76.21, "text": "From Brooklyn, married 20 years and still doing the time."}, {"start": 76.21, "end": 79.01, "text": "The wise guy with a wedding ring like an ankle monitor."}, {"start": 79.01, "end": 82.98, "text": "Vinnie."}, {"start": 82.98, "end": 84.58, "text": "18 years married."}, {"start": 84.58, "end": 87.58, "text": "The secret is I agree to everything and remember nothing."}, {"start": 87.58, "end": 88.58, "text": "It's not a marriage."}, {"start": 88.58, "end": 92.78, "text": "It's a hostage situation with a shared streaming account."}, {"start": 92.78, "end": 94.78, "text": "Vinnie still sleeps with one eye open."}, {"start": 94.78, "end": 95.98, "text": "That's the show."}, {"start": 95.98, "end": 98.98, "text": "Roast yourself first or you're just being mean with a microphone."}, {"start": 98.98, "end": 99.98, "text": "Good night."}, {"start": 100.78, "end": 103.18, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 103.18, "end": 109.18, "text": "But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day."}, {"start": 109.18, "end": 111.38, "text": "A brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 111.38, "end": 116.98, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 116.98, "end": 120.58, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 120.58, "end": 121.58, "text": "Can't sleep."}, {"start": 121.58, "end": 122.58, "text": "We're up."}, {"start": 122.58, "end": 123.88, "text": "Going through something."}, {"start": 123.88, "end": 125.98, "text": "So is he always."}, {"start": 125.98, "end": 128.38, "text": "So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 128.38, "end": 133.38, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark wins."}, {"start": 133.38, "end": 134.88, "text": "The red line comedy club."}, {"start": 134.88, "end": 139.98, "text": "Open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 139.98, "end": 140.98, "text": "Subscribe."}, {"start": 140.98, "end": 142.48, "text": "He needs the attention."}, {"start": 142.48, "end": 142.98, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Welcome to Kill Jesse, the open mic where I roast everybody, including me. The rule is you roast yourself first. Mine, I'm 50 broke, sober, and I clean toilets for a living. First, itty it up, Mickey. Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags than a parade. You're every man of error? Mickey! I've been on every dating app. My profile photo is me at a wedding. Not my wedding. I just go to weddings now. It's the only place a woman assumes I have my life together for four hours. Mickey everybody crashes weddings for the open bar and the eye contact. Next, Vinnie. From Brooklyn, married 20 years and still doing the time. The wise guy with a wedding ring like an ankle monitor. Vinnie. 18 years married. The secret is I agree to everything and remember nothing. It's not a marriage. It's a hostage situation with a shared streaming account. Vinnie still sleeps with one eye open. That's the show. Roast yourself first or you're just being mean with a microphone. Good night. And that is our show. But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day. A brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep. We're up. Going through something. So is he always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark wins. The red line comedy club. Open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}