{"file": "audio/vault/123_jail_script.mp3", "duration_sec": 220.4, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.14, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.14, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.34, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.34, "end": 28.14, "text": "We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 34.44, "text": "Tonight, Ben to jail versus never been to jail."}, {"start": 34.44, "end": 38.04, "text": "I did four months at 19, which means my decision making peaked"}, {"start": 38.04, "end": 40.04, "text": "before I could legally drink about it."}, {"start": 40.04, "end": 42.44, "text": "I went to jail before I went to a real bar."}, {"start": 42.44, "end": 45.04, "text": "I had a record before I had a resume."}, {"start": 45.04, "end": 51.5, "text": "Squeaky clean folks come at me, Nigel."}, {"start": 51.5, "end": 54.1, "text": "Jesse, four months in jail at 19,"}, {"start": 54.1, "end": 63.49, "text": "while I was at university, you were earning a degree in regret."}, {"start": 63.49, "end": 66.49, "text": "Nigel, you've never been to jail because you've never had the balls"}, {"start": 66.49, "end": 68.29, "text": "to do anything interesting."}, {"start": 68.29, "end": 71.49, "text": "I caught a felony, you caught a participation trophy."}, {"start": 71.49, "end": 79.3, "text": "At least my mugshot had ranged."}, {"start": 79.3, "end": 83.1, "text": "Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags than a parade."}, {"start": 83.1, "end": 84.7, "text": "Your every man of error?"}, {"start": 84.7, "end": 85.7, "text": "Mickey!"}, {"start": 85.7, "end": 91.47, "text": "I've never been to jail, Jesse,"}, {"start": 91.47, "end": 98.67, "text": "mostly because I'm too broke to even afford a decent crime."}, {"start": 98.67, "end": 101.47, "text": "Older than your house, filthier than your group chat."}, {"start": 101.47, "end": 103.27, "text": "Grandpa's got no breaks."}, {"start": 103.27, "end": 107.65, "text": "Pops!"}, {"start": 107.65, "end": 112.65, "text": "Sun in M.Y. Day, jail was just summer camp with worse food and better stories."}, {"start": 112.65, "end": 114.25, "text": "You did four months."}, {"start": 114.25, "end": 122.86, "text": "I've been married longer than that and I'd take the shelf."}, {"start": 122.86, "end": 127.46, "text": "In my neighborhood, Jesse, four months is what we call a misunderstanding."}, {"start": 127.46, "end": 137.38, "text": "You went in a kid, you came out a man with a very specific skill set."}, {"start": 137.38, "end": 138.78, "text": "And here's the truth, folks."}, {"start": 138.78, "end": 141.98, "text": "I went to jail at 19, four months and you know what I learned."}, {"start": 141.98, "end": 145.78, "text": "That a confident young man with bad instincts is just a felony with a haircut."}, {"start": 145.78, "end": 148.18, "text": "But I never went back, not once, thank heaven."}, {"start": 148.18, "end": 151.78, "text": "Because at 19, I figured out the one thing it takes some people a whole lifetime."}, {"start": 151.78, "end": 155.18, "text": "That the only cage worse than the one they put you in is the one you build yourself."}, {"start": 155.18, "end": 157.98, "text": "So I got out and I never stopped getting out."}, {"start": 157.98, "end": 161.38, "text": "The hero gets the last laugh and he is a free man."}, {"start": 161.38, "end": 172.5, "text": "This is Red Line, kill Jesse."}, {"start": 172.5, "end": 174.9, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 174.9, "end": 180.9, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day"}, {"start": 180.9, "end": 183.1, "text": "of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 183.1, "end": 186.1, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down."}, {"start": 186.1, "end": 188.7, "text": "24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 188.7, "end": 192.1, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 192.1, "end": 194.1, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 194.1, "end": 197.5, "text": "Going through something, so is he, always."}, {"start": 197.5, "end": 199.9, "text": "So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 199.9, "end": 203.5, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 203.5, "end": 207.5, "text": "Before the dark winds, the Red Line Comedy Club open all night."}, {"start": 207.5, "end": 211.5, "text": "Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 211.5, "end": 213.9, "text": "Subscribe, he needs the attention."}, {"start": 213.9, "end": 214.9, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Tonight, Ben to jail versus never been to jail. I did four months at 19, which means my decision making peaked before I could legally drink about it. I went to jail before I went to a real bar. I had a record before I had a resume. Squeaky clean folks come at me, Nigel. Jesse, four months in jail at 19, while I was at university, you were earning a degree in regret. Nigel, you've never been to jail because you've never had the balls to do anything interesting. I caught a felony, you caught a participation trophy. At least my mugshot had ranged. Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags than a parade. Your every man of error? Mickey! I've never been to jail, Jesse, mostly because I'm too broke to even afford a decent crime. Older than your house, filthier than your group chat. Grandpa's got no breaks. Pops! Sun in M.Y. Day, jail was just summer camp with worse food and better stories. You did four months. I've been married longer than that and I'd take the shelf. In my neighborhood, Jesse, four months is what we call a misunderstanding. You went in a kid, you came out a man with a very specific skill set. And here's the truth, folks. I went to jail at 19, four months and you know what I learned. That a confident young man with bad instincts is just a felony with a haircut. But I never went back, not once, thank heaven. Because at 19, I figured out the one thing it takes some people a whole lifetime. That the only cage worse than the one they put you in is the one you build yourself. So I got out and I never stopped getting out. The hero gets the last laugh and he is a free man. This is Red Line, kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down. 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something, so is he, always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark winds, the Red Line Comedy Club open all night. Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}