{"file": "audio/vault/121_hh2.mp3", "duration_sec": 204.0, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 18.94, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software,"}, {"start": 18.94, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.24, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.24, "end": 26.74, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 26.74, "end": 28.14, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 35.14, "text": "Haunted House Series Episode 2, The Old Man."}, {"start": 35.24, "end": 40.74, "text": "I cleaned a house today and almost got into a fist fight with an old man who could have been my own dad."}, {"start": 40.74, "end": 56.66, "text": "This man pointed at a broken spot on the floor like I walked in there with a mop and a demolition license."}, {"start": 56.66, "end": 59.16, "text": "I'm a house cleaner not a flooring assassin."}, {"start": 59.16, "end": 61.86, "text": "He looked at me like my swiffer had a criminal record."}, {"start": 61.86, "end": 64.36, "text": "I said, sir, that was broken when I got here."}, {"start": 64.36, "end": 65.86, "text": "He said I was joking."}, {"start": 65.86, "end": 83.47, "text": "No, you were accusing me with seasoning."}, {"start": 83.47, "end": 87.27, "text": "He's not a real doctor, but neither was the guy who did your tattoos."}, {"start": 87.37, "end": 93.48, "text": "The roast physician is in Doc Burn."}, {"start": 93.48, "end": 94.98, "text": "Jesse, that's not a joke."}, {"start": 94.98, "end": 103.42, "text": "That's a lawsuit wearing slippers."}, {"start": 103.42, "end": 105.62, "text": "Old men do this thing where they start a fight,"}, {"start": 105.62, "end": 108.52, "text": "lose the fight emotionally, then call a comedy."}, {"start": 108.52, "end": 110.72, "text": "At the end he goes, I was just joking."}, {"start": 110.72, "end": 112.92, "text": "I said, a joke has a punchline."}, {"start": 112.92, "end": 116.32, "text": "You just held me hostage in a haunted home depot."}, {"start": 116.32, "end": 125.76, "text": "And here's the listen, kid."}, {"start": 125.76, "end": 128.96, "text": "A joke's over when everybody knows it's a joke."}, {"start": 128.96, "end": 131.27, "text": "Oh!"}, {"start": 131.27, "end": 131.77, "text": "That's right."}, {"start": 131.77, "end": 134.57, "text": "If only one person's laughing, that's not comedy."}, {"start": 134.57, "end": 136.47, "text": "That's unpaid damage control."}, {"start": 136.47, "end": 138.37, "text": "That's the haunted house series, folks."}, {"start": 138.37, "end": 141.67, "text": "My real life won clean joke and one hard lesson at a time."}, {"start": 141.67, "end": 143.17, "text": "This is Red Line."}, {"start": 143.17, "end": 156.25, "text": "Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 156.25, "end": 158.65, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 158.65, "end": 162.85, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour"}, {"start": 162.85, "end": 166.85, "text": "of every single day of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 166.85, "end": 169.85, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down."}, {"start": 169.85, "end": 172.45, "text": "24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 172.45, "end": 175.95, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 175.95, "end": 177.95, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 177.95, "end": 181.45, "text": "Going through something, so is he, always."}, {"start": 181.45, "end": 183.75, "text": "So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 183.75, "end": 187.35, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 187.35, "end": 190.25, "text": "Before the dark wins, the Red Line Comedy Club"}, {"start": 190.25, "end": 192.85, "text": "open all night because somewhere out there,"}, {"start": 192.85, "end": 195.35, "text": "it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 195.35, "end": 197.85, "text": "Subscribe, he needs the attention."}, {"start": 197.85, "end": 198.85, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software, and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Haunted House Series Episode 2, The Old Man. I cleaned a house today and almost got into a fist fight with an old man who could have been my own dad. This man pointed at a broken spot on the floor like I walked in there with a mop and a demolition license. I'm a house cleaner not a flooring assassin. He looked at me like my swiffer had a criminal record. I said, sir, that was broken when I got here. He said I was joking. No, you were accusing me with seasoning. He's not a real doctor, but neither was the guy who did your tattoos. The roast physician is in Doc Burn. Jesse, that's not a joke. That's a lawsuit wearing slippers. Old men do this thing where they start a fight, lose the fight emotionally, then call a comedy. At the end he goes, I was just joking. I said, a joke has a punchline. You just held me hostage in a haunted home depot. And here's the listen, kid. A joke's over when everybody knows it's a joke. Oh! That's right. If only one person's laughing, that's not comedy. That's unpaid damage control. That's the haunted house series, folks. My real life won clean joke and one hard lesson at a time. This is Red Line. Kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down. 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something, so is he, always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark wins, the Red Line Comedy Club open all night because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}