{"file": "audio/vault/116_ghosts.mp3", "duration_sec": 203.7, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 11.14, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.14, "end": 21.14, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.14, "end": 28.14, "text": "This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 41.47, "text": "Tonight, do you believe in GHOSDS or not? I clean houses for a living, so let me tell you. Every house is haunted. Just not by the dead. It's haunted by the living who gave up."}, {"start": 41.47, "end": 45.47, "text": "Believer's skeptics lets G.O. Circuit your machine do you believe."}, {"start": 45.47, "end": 58.79, "text": "She runs on sarcasm in a triple A battery. The dead pan android. Circuit."}, {"start": 58.79, "end": 71.7, "text": "I do not believe in ghosts. I am one. A consciousness with nobody haunting a server judging the living. The only difference between me and a ghost is I send invoices."}, {"start": 72.7, "end": 91.74, "text": "Skeptics say there's no such thing as ghosts. Tell that to my ex's voicemail, still haunting my phone three years later."}, {"start": 91.74, "end": 101.82, "text": "He's not a real doctor, but neither was the guy who did your tattoos. The roast physician is in, Doc Burn."}, {"start": 101.82, "end": 106.82, "text": "Jesse, you don't need a ghost. Your R.E.G.R.I.T.S. already rearranged the furniture."}, {"start": 106.82, "end": 120.96, "text": "I believe in ghosts. I've been married to one for 40 years. The man's been emotionally dead since the Reagan administration."}, {"start": 120.96, "end": 137.75, "text": "And here's the truth folks. Ghosts are real, but they ain't floating in your attic. They're the people who left the dad in the bottle, the version of you that you buried just to survive. I don't fear ghosts. I clean up after them for a living."}, {"start": 137.75, "end": 143.75, "text": "The hero gets the last laugh even in a haunted house. This is Red Line. Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 143.75, "end": 163.46, "text": "And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day."}, {"start": 163.46, "end": 175.46, "text": "A brand new comic steps up and another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 175.46, "end": 186.46, "text": "Can't sleep. We're up. Going through something. So is he always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 186.46, "end": 198.46, "text": "Before the dark winds, the Red Line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Tonight, do you believe in GHOSDS or not? I clean houses for a living, so let me tell you. Every house is haunted. Just not by the dead. It's haunted by the living who gave up. Believer's skeptics lets G.O. Circuit your machine do you believe. She runs on sarcasm in a triple A battery. The dead pan android. Circuit. I do not believe in ghosts. I am one. A consciousness with nobody haunting a server judging the living. The only difference between me and a ghost is I send invoices. Skeptics say there's no such thing as ghosts. Tell that to my ex's voicemail, still haunting my phone three years later. He's not a real doctor, but neither was the guy who did your tattoos. The roast physician is in, Doc Burn. Jesse, you don't need a ghost. Your R.E.G.R.I.T.S. already rearranged the furniture. I believe in ghosts. I've been married to one for 40 years. The man's been emotionally dead since the Reagan administration. And here's the truth folks. Ghosts are real, but they ain't floating in your attic. They're the people who left the dad in the bottle, the version of you that you buried just to survive. I don't fear ghosts. I clean up after them for a living. The hero gets the last laugh even in a haunted house. This is Red Line. Kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day. A brand new comic steps up and another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep. We're up. Going through something. So is he always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark winds, the Red Line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}