{"file": "audio/vault/112_fifty_script.mp3", "duration_sec": 296.5, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.14, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.14, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.34, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.34, "end": 28.14, "text": "We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 34.64, "text": "Welcome to the 50th Show, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 34.64, "end": 38.44, "text": "50 shows and tonight the whole bench unloads their best on me."}, {"start": 38.44, "end": 40.64, "text": "No mercy, all jokes, all tags."}, {"start": 40.64, "end": 43.64, "text": "Rost the king of his own dumpster, Fire Mickey."}, {"start": 43.64, "end": 56.76, "text": "Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags than a parade."}, {"start": 56.76, "end": 62.93, "text": "Your every man of error, Mickey!"}, {"start": 62.93, "end": 66.93, "text": "Jesse, 50 shows and you've been roasted in every single one."}, {"start": 66.93, "end": 70.93, "text": "You're not a comedian, you're a piñata with a microphone."}, {"start": 70.93, "end": 75.93, "text": "You took self-deprecating humor and made it a career and a cry for help."}, {"start": 85.18, "end": 90.18, "text": "No filter, no mercy, no chill, all hail the Queen of the Burn Unit, Queen Stank."}, {"start": 90.18, "end": 98.26, "text": "Jesse, you got a felony, three X's, no family and three dogs."}, {"start": 98.26, "end": 101.26, "text": "Your life isn't a comedy special, it's evidence."}, {"start": 101.26, "end": 103.26, "text": "You didn't write 50 shows, baby."}, {"start": 103.26, "end": 106.26, "text": "You filed 50 police reports with jokes."}, {"start": 106.26, "end": 117.87, "text": "From Brooklyn, married 20 years and still doing the time."}, {"start": 117.87, "end": 120.87, "text": "The wise guy with a wedding ring like an ankle monitor, Vinnie."}, {"start": 124.88, "end": 126.88, "text": "Jesse, you're 50 broke in sober."}, {"start": 126.88, "end": 128.88, "text": "That's not a comeback story."}, {"start": 128.88, "end": 130.88, "text": "That's a hostage video with good lighting."}, {"start": 130.88, "end": 133.88, "text": "You clean toilets all day and roast yourself all night."}, {"start": 133.88, "end": 135.88, "text": "The hardest working sad man in America."}, {"start": 135.88, "end": 146.59, "text": "Jesse, you built an empire on pain."}, {"start": 146.59, "end": 149.59, "text": "In my family, we just call that dinner."}, {"start": 149.59, "end": 154.59, "text": "You turned a dead dad, a gone mum, and a hung jury into content."}, {"start": 154.59, "end": 155.59, "text": "That's not therapy."}, {"start": 155.59, "end": 157.59, "text": "That's a war crime with a punchline."}, {"start": 157.59, "end": 170.38, "text": "She runs on sarcasm and a triple A battery."}, {"start": 170.38, "end": 172.38, "text": "The deadpan, Android. Circuit."}, {"start": 172.38, "end": 178.3, "text": "I have analyzed 50 episodes, conclusion."}, {"start": 178.3, "end": 182.3, "text": "Jesse Salas is the only man who built an army of robots,"}, {"start": 182.3, "end": 185.3, "text": "just so something in the building would finally listen to him."}, {"start": 192.02, "end": 195.02, "text": "Older than your house, healthier than your group chat?"}, {"start": 195.02, "end": 196.02, "text": "Grandpa's got no breaks."}, {"start": 196.02, "end": 200.99, "text": "Pops!"}, {"start": 200.99, "end": 204.99, "text": "Jesse, I'm 81, and even I think your life is a lot."}, {"start": 204.99, "end": 207.99, "text": "You got more colors of pain than a fresh bruise."}, {"start": 207.99, "end": 214.98, "text": "And that's 50 shows, folks."}, {"start": 214.98, "end": 217.98, "text": "Fifty nights of the whole world taking a swing at me."}, {"start": 217.98, "end": 218.98, "text": "And you know what?"}, {"start": 218.98, "end": 221.98, "text": "I'm still standing, still laughing, and still the only one who gets the last word."}, {"start": 221.98, "end": 223.98, "text": "Roast me all you want."}, {"start": 223.98, "end": 226.98, "text": "Every joke at my expense is a paycheck and a victory laugh."}, {"start": 226.98, "end": 229.98, "text": "I turned a whole sad life into the funniest thing in the building,"}, {"start": 229.98, "end": 232.98, "text": "and that my friends is why the hero always gets the last laugh."}, {"start": 232.98, "end": 233.98, "text": "Here's to 50 more."}, {"start": 233.98, "end": 234.98, "text": "This is Red Line."}, {"start": 234.98, "end": 248.47, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 248.47, "end": 250.47, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 250.47, "end": 252.47, "text": "But the Red Line never closes."}, {"start": 252.47, "end": 255.47, "text": "Every minute of every hour."}, {"start": 255.47, "end": 257.47, "text": "Of every single day."}, {"start": 257.47, "end": 259.47, "text": "A brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 259.47, "end": 262.47, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down."}, {"start": 262.47, "end": 263.47, "text": "Twenty four hours."}, {"start": 263.47, "end": 265.47, "text": "Seven days a week."}, {"start": 265.47, "end": 266.47, "text": "Fresh stand up."}, {"start": 266.47, "end": 267.47, "text": "Freshly roasted."}, {"start": 267.47, "end": 268.47, "text": "Never reheated."}, {"start": 268.47, "end": 269.47, "text": "Can't sleep."}, {"start": 269.47, "end": 270.47, "text": "We're up."}, {"start": 270.47, "end": 271.47, "text": "Going through something."}, {"start": 271.47, "end": 272.47, "text": "So is he."}, {"start": 272.47, "end": 273.47, "text": "Always."}, {"start": 273.47, "end": 276.47, "text": "So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 276.47, "end": 278.47, "text": "Go to bombed.app."}, {"start": 278.47, "end": 280.47, "text": "And let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 280.47, "end": 281.47, "text": "Before the dark winds."}, {"start": 281.47, "end": 282.47, "text": "The Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 282.47, "end": 283.47, "text": "Open all night."}, {"start": 283.47, "end": 285.47, "text": "Because somewhere out there."}, {"start": 285.47, "end": 287.47, "text": "It is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 287.47, "end": 288.47, "text": "Subscribe."}, {"start": 288.47, "end": 289.47, "text": "He needs the attention."}, {"start": 289.47, "end": 290.47, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Welcome to the 50th Show, you beautiful degenerates. 50 shows and tonight the whole bench unloads their best on me. No mercy, all jokes, all tags. Rost the king of his own dumpster, Fire Mickey. Next to the mic, a man whose love life has more red flags than a parade. Your every man of error, Mickey! Jesse, 50 shows and you've been roasted in every single one. You're not a comedian, you're a piñata with a microphone. You took self-deprecating humor and made it a career and a cry for help. No filter, no mercy, no chill, all hail the Queen of the Burn Unit, Queen Stank. Jesse, you got a felony, three X's, no family and three dogs. Your life isn't a comedy special, it's evidence. You didn't write 50 shows, baby. You filed 50 police reports with jokes. From Brooklyn, married 20 years and still doing the time. The wise guy with a wedding ring like an ankle monitor, Vinnie. Jesse, you're 50 broke in sober. That's not a comeback story. That's a hostage video with good lighting. You clean toilets all day and roast yourself all night. The hardest working sad man in America. Jesse, you built an empire on pain. In my family, we just call that dinner. You turned a dead dad, a gone mum, and a hung jury into content. That's not therapy. That's a war crime with a punchline. She runs on sarcasm and a triple A battery. The deadpan, Android. Circuit. I have analyzed 50 episodes, conclusion. Jesse Salas is the only man who built an army of robots, just so something in the building would finally listen to him. Older than your house, healthier than your group chat? Grandpa's got no breaks. Pops! Jesse, I'm 81, and even I think your life is a lot. You got more colors of pain than a fresh bruise. And that's 50 shows, folks. Fifty nights of the whole world taking a swing at me. And you know what? I'm still standing, still laughing, and still the only one who gets the last word. Roast me all you want. Every joke at my expense is a paycheck and a victory laugh. I turned a whole sad life into the funniest thing in the building, and that my friends is why the hero always gets the last laugh. Here's to 50 more. This is Red Line. This is Kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes. Every minute of every hour. Of every single day. A brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down. Twenty four hours. Seven days a week. Fresh stand up. Freshly roasted. Never reheated. Can't sleep. We're up. Going through something. So is he. Always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app. And let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark winds. The Red Line Comedy Club. Open all night. Because somewhere out there. It is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}