{"file": "audio/vault/111_fathersday_script.mp3", "duration_sec": 224.2, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.04, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software,"}, {"start": 19.04, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.24, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.24, "end": 26.74, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 26.74, "end": 28.24, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 28.24, "end": 34.44, "text": "Tonight, Father's Day versus No Father's Day."}, {"start": 34.44, "end": 36.94, "text": "And I'm the undefeated champ of No Father's Day."}, {"start": 36.94, "end": 38.74, "text": "Twelve years I haven't had one."}, {"start": 38.74, "end": 43.74, "text": "And before that, my dad celebrated Father's Day the same way he celebrated every other day."}, {"start": 43.74, "end": 46.14, "text": "At a bar with his friends getting drunk."}, {"start": 46.14, "end": 50.14, "text": "So for me, Father's Day was just a Sunday I learned not to wait by the window."}, {"start": 50.14, "end": 51.94, "text": "People with dads come at me."}, {"start": 51.94, "end": 52.94, "text": "Pops."}, {"start": 52.94, "end": 59.08, "text": "Older than your house, filthier than your group chat."}, {"start": 59.08, "end": 60.88, "text": "Grandpa's got no breaks."}, {"start": 60.88, "end": 62.08, "text": "Pops!"}, {"start": 62.08, "end": 67.19, "text": "Jesse, no Father's Day."}, {"start": 67.19, "end": 76.16, "text": "Even on the calendar, your old man couldn't show up."}, {"start": 76.16, "end": 81.16, "text": "Pops, you got kids who send you a card, a tie, and a phone call they dread."}, {"start": 81.16, "end": 85.36, "text": "I got a dad who, when he was home, was just resting up before the next bar."}, {"start": 85.36, "end": 95.2, "text": "Father's Day at my house was a missing person's report with a barbecue."}, {"start": 95.2, "end": 99.2, "text": "Honey, I got four kids and three of them forget Father's Day even exists."}, {"start": 99.2, "end": 101.0, "text": "So trust me, it's overrated."}, {"start": 101.0, "end": 106.87, "text": "Yours just skipped straight to the disappointment."}, {"start": 106.87, "end": 112.87, "text": "In my family, Father's Day is 40 people and one dad who falls asleep before the gifts."}, {"start": 113.07, "end": 117.07, "text": "Jesse, your dad fell asleep before the whole childhood."}, {"start": 117.07, "end": 127.37, "text": "He's not a real doctor, but neither was the guy who did your tattoos."}, {"start": 127.37, "end": 133.61, "text": "The roast physician is in, Doc Burn."}, {"start": 133.61, "end": 143.84, "text": "Jesse, your dad was at the bar so often his stool got a Father's Day card."}, {"start": 143.84, "end": 145.64, "text": "And here's the truth, folks."}, {"start": 145.64, "end": 148.24, "text": "Father's Day used to be the loneliest day of the year for me,"}, {"start": 148.24, "end": 152.24, "text": "because it reminded me of a man who was there in body and gone in every other way."}, {"start": 152.24, "end": 155.04, "text": "But you know what, I became the kind of man who shows up."}, {"start": 155.04, "end": 157.84, "text": "Not for a dad who couldn't but for three dogs, a room full of comics."}, {"start": 157.84, "end": 161.04, "text": "And every kid out there who spent Father's Day waiting by a window."}, {"start": 161.04, "end": 162.44, "text": "The window's closed now."}, {"start": 162.44, "end": 163.44, "text": "I built a door."}, {"start": 163.44, "end": 165.04, "text": "The hero gets the last laugh."}, {"start": 165.04, "end": 167.44, "text": "Happy Father's Day to the ones who stayed."}, {"start": 167.44, "end": 169.44, "text": "This is Red Line."}, {"start": 169.44, "end": 176.52, "text": "Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 176.52, "end": 178.92, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 178.92, "end": 184.92, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day."}, {"start": 184.92, "end": 187.12, "text": "A brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 187.12, "end": 190.12, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down."}, {"start": 190.12, "end": 192.72, "text": "24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 192.72, "end": 196.12, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 196.12, "end": 198.12, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 198.12, "end": 201.72, "text": "Going through something so is he, always."}, {"start": 201.72, "end": 204.12, "text": "So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 204.12, "end": 207.72, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 207.72, "end": 210.52, "text": "Before the dark winds, the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 210.52, "end": 211.72, "text": "Open all night."}, {"start": 211.72, "end": 215.72, "text": "Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 215.72, "end": 216.72, "text": "Subscribe."}, {"start": 216.72, "end": 218.12, "text": "He needs the attention."}, {"start": 218.12, "end": 218.72, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software, and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Tonight, Father's Day versus No Father's Day. And I'm the undefeated champ of No Father's Day. Twelve years I haven't had one. And before that, my dad celebrated Father's Day the same way he celebrated every other day. At a bar with his friends getting drunk. So for me, Father's Day was just a Sunday I learned not to wait by the window. People with dads come at me. Pops. Older than your house, filthier than your group chat. Grandpa's got no breaks. Pops! Jesse, no Father's Day. Even on the calendar, your old man couldn't show up. Pops, you got kids who send you a card, a tie, and a phone call they dread. I got a dad who, when he was home, was just resting up before the next bar. Father's Day at my house was a missing person's report with a barbecue. Honey, I got four kids and three of them forget Father's Day even exists. So trust me, it's overrated. Yours just skipped straight to the disappointment. In my family, Father's Day is 40 people and one dad who falls asleep before the gifts. Jesse, your dad fell asleep before the whole childhood. He's not a real doctor, but neither was the guy who did your tattoos. The roast physician is in, Doc Burn. Jesse, your dad was at the bar so often his stool got a Father's Day card. And here's the truth, folks. Father's Day used to be the loneliest day of the year for me, because it reminded me of a man who was there in body and gone in every other way. But you know what, I became the kind of man who shows up. Not for a dad who couldn't but for three dogs, a room full of comics. And every kid out there who spent Father's Day waiting by a window. The window's closed now. I built a door. The hero gets the last laugh. Happy Father's Day to the ones who stayed. This is Red Line. Kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day. A brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down. 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something so is he, always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark winds, the Red Line Comedy Club. Open all night. Because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}