{"file": "audio/vault/10_squad_takes_over.mp3", "duration_sec": 182.2, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.84, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 2.84, "end": 3.8, "text": "Adults only."}, {"start": 3.8, "end": 5.54, "text": "No kids, no mercy."}, {"start": 5.54, "end": 8.24, "text": "For 15 years, one show ruled comedy."}, {"start": 8.24, "end": 10.24, "text": "Tonight, we come for the crown."}, {"start": 10.24, "end": 12.84, "text": "This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis"}, {"start": 12.84, "end": 16.68, "text": "on a supercomputer 24 hours a day, seven days a week."}, {"start": 16.68, "end": 20.44, "text": "We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years."}, {"start": 20.44, "end": 24.12, "text": "Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh."}, {"start": 24.12, "end": 25.32, "text": "Jesse."}, {"start": 25.32, "end": 27.52, "text": "All right, tonight my squad takes over."}, {"start": 27.52, "end": 30.0, "text": "My announcer trailer guy and Jerry, the Italian,"}, {"start": 30.0, "end": 32.76, "text": "are stepping out from behind the mic to do their own jokes"}, {"start": 32.76, "end": 35.0, "text": "and roast every clown in this room."}, {"start": 35.0, "end": 41.13, "text": "Trailer guy, the stage is yours."}, {"start": 41.13, "end": 44.29, "text": "In a world where my dating life is a horror franchise,"}, {"start": 44.29, "end": 47.93, "text": "one man swiped right and unleashed disappointment."}, {"start": 47.93, "end": 50.33, "text": "I narrate movie trailers for a living, which"}, {"start": 50.33, "end": 52.89, "text": "means I make everything sound epic."}, {"start": 52.89, "end": 55.89, "text": "My therapist said, you have crippling debt."}, {"start": 55.89, "end": 59.49, "text": "I said, one man owed everything."}, {"start": 59.49, "end": 62.57, "text": "Mickey, your love life trailer would go straight to streaming"}, {"start": 62.57, "end": 79.52, "text": "and get canceled after one episode."}, {"start": 79.52, "end": 82.32, "text": "Trailer guy, you make a serial commercial sound"}, {"start": 82.32, "end": 83.84, "text": "like the godfather."}, {"start": 83.84, "end": 85.56, "text": "Me, I'm Jerry."}, {"start": 85.56, "end": 88.56, "text": "My family's so Italian, we don't say I love you."}, {"start": 88.56, "end": 91.6, "text": "We say you ate yet, and it means the same thing."}, {"start": 91.6, "end": 92.88, "text": "Queen's tank."}, {"start": 92.88, "end": 108.65, "text": "You're the only woman whose biological clock got repossessed."}, {"start": 108.65, "end": 112.61, "text": "Jerry, you talk tough, but you cried during a pasta commercial."}, {"start": 112.61, "end": 122.8, "text": "This summer, one man wept over rigatoni."}, {"start": 122.8, "end": 124.52, "text": "And Jesse, you pay us both, which"}, {"start": 124.52, "end": 134.23, "text": "means the toilet cleaner signs our checks, only in America."}, {"start": 134.23, "end": 135.87, "text": "And there's my squad, folks."}, {"start": 135.87, "end": 139.23, "text": "Trailer guy and Jerry roasting everyone every single night."}, {"start": 139.23, "end": 140.79, "text": "But here's my last laugh."}, {"start": 140.79, "end": 143.63, "text": "These two work for me, which makes me the only man alive"}, {"start": 143.63, "end": 145.71, "text": "whose announcer and his Italian both answer"}, {"start": 145.71, "end": 147.75, "text": "to a guy who cleans toilets."}, {"start": 147.75, "end": 149.35, "text": "The hero always wins."}, {"start": 149.35, "end": 151.63, "text": "This is Red Line, kill Jesse."}, {"start": 151.63, "end": 153.27, "text": "We make comedy every minute of the day,"}, {"start": 153.27, "end": 160.65, "text": "so come back for more."}, {"start": 160.65, "end": 161.93, "text": "That's our show."}, {"start": 161.93, "end": 163.17, "text": "But we never stop."}, {"start": 163.17, "end": 167.13, "text": "New comedy 24.7 and a two-hour kill Jesse special four times"}, {"start": 167.13, "end": 167.73, "text": "a month."}, {"start": 167.73, "end": 170.93, "text": "We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days."}, {"start": 170.93, "end": 172.97, "text": "So come back tomorrow and the day after,"}, {"start": 172.97, "end": 175.77, "text": "because at Red Line, the carnival never closes."}, {"start": 175.77, "end": 178.65, "text": "Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend."}, {"start": 178.65, "end": 180.37, "text": "This is bombed.app."}, {"start": 180.37, "end": 182.53, "text": "Good night and stay unhinged."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLadies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club. Adults only. No kids, no mercy. For 15 years, one show ruled comedy. Tonight, we come for the crown. This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years. Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh. Jesse. All right, tonight my squad takes over. My announcer trailer guy and Jerry, the Italian, are stepping out from behind the mic to do their own jokes and roast every clown in this room. Trailer guy, the stage is yours. In a world where my dating life is a horror franchise, one man swiped right and unleashed disappointment. I narrate movie trailers for a living, which means I make everything sound epic. My therapist said, you have crippling debt. I said, one man owed everything. Mickey, your love life trailer would go straight to streaming and get canceled after one episode. Trailer guy, you make a serial commercial sound like the godfather. Me, I'm Jerry. My family's so Italian, we don't say I love you. We say you ate yet, and it means the same thing. Queen's tank. You're the only woman whose biological clock got repossessed. Jerry, you talk tough, but you cried during a pasta commercial. This summer, one man wept over rigatoni. And Jesse, you pay us both, which means the toilet cleaner signs our checks, only in America. And there's my squad, folks. Trailer guy and Jerry roasting everyone every single night. But here's my last laugh. These two work for me, which makes me the only man alive whose announcer and his Italian both answer to a guy who cleans toilets. The hero always wins. This is Red Line, kill Jesse. We make comedy every minute of the day, so come back for more. That's our show. But we never stop. New comedy 24.7 and a two-hour kill Jesse special four times a month. We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days. So come back tomorrow and the day after, because at Red Line, the carnival never closes. Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend. This is bombed.app. Good night and stay unhinged.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}