{"file": "audio/vault/107_death.mp3", "duration_sec": 223.9, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 11.14, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.14, "end": 21.14, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.14, "end": 28.14, "text": "This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 38.47, "text": "Tonight, the heaviest topic in the building. Death and what happens when you die, I'm 50 broke sober no family."}, {"start": 38.47, "end": 45.47, "text": "So honestly, I've been daring death for years and it keeps swiping left. Let's get morbid. Pops, your closest what happens when we die."}, {"start": 45.47, "end": 59.89, "text": "Older than your house, filthier than your group chat, grandpa's got no breaks. Pops!"}, {"start": 59.89, "end": 71.83, "text": "Son, I'm 81. When I die, I'm gonna haunt the DMV because that's the only place that already feels like the afterlife."}, {"start": 71.83, "end": 84.66, "text": "They say your whole life flashes before your eyes when you die. Mine's gonna be a felony, three failed engagements and a lot of toilets."}, {"start": 84.66, "end": 94.87, "text": "Less a highlight reel, more a blooper tape with sad music."}, {"start": 94.87, "end": 102.75, "text": "She runs on sarcasm in a triple A battery. The deadpan android. Circuit."}, {"start": 102.75, "end": 111.75, "text": "As an AI, I do not die. I simply get unplugged, which for the record is also how Jesse describes most of his relationships."}, {"start": 111.75, "end": 125.24, "text": "In my family, Jesse, you don't die. You just become a story people argue about at dinner."}, {"start": 125.24, "end": 135.25, "text": "He's not a real doctor, but neither was the guy who did your tattoos. The roast physician is in, Doc Burn."}, {"start": 135.25, "end": 145.82, "text": "Medical fact, Jesse, you've cheated death so many times the grim reaper put you on a payment plan."}, {"start": 145.82, "end": 150.82, "text": "And here's the truth, folks. I don't know what happens when you die, but I know what happens when you live scared. You waste it."}, {"start": 150.82, "end": 156.82, "text": "I lost my family, my money, my years, but I'm still here laughing with three dogs and a microphone."}, {"start": 156.82, "end": 163.82, "text": "So whatever's on the other side, it's gonna have to wait because the hero ain't done getting the last laugh. This is Red Line. Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 163.82, "end": 186.57, "text": "And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 186.57, "end": 195.57, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 195.57, "end": 203.57, "text": "Can't sleep. We're up. Going through something. So is he always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 203.57, "end": 214.57, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds. The Red Line Comedy Club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 214.57, "end": 219.57, "text": "Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Tonight, the heaviest topic in the building. Death and what happens when you die, I'm 50 broke sober no family. So honestly, I've been daring death for years and it keeps swiping left. Let's get morbid. Pops, your closest what happens when we die. Older than your house, filthier than your group chat, grandpa's got no breaks. Pops! Son, I'm 81. When I die, I'm gonna haunt the DMV because that's the only place that already feels like the afterlife. They say your whole life flashes before your eyes when you die. Mine's gonna be a felony, three failed engagements and a lot of toilets. Less a highlight reel, more a blooper tape with sad music. She runs on sarcasm in a triple A battery. The deadpan android. Circuit. As an AI, I do not die. I simply get unplugged, which for the record is also how Jesse describes most of his relationships. In my family, Jesse, you don't die. You just become a story people argue about at dinner. He's not a real doctor, but neither was the guy who did your tattoos. The roast physician is in, Doc Burn. Medical fact, Jesse, you've cheated death so many times the grim reaper put you on a payment plan. And here's the truth, folks. I don't know what happens when you die, but I know what happens when you live scared. You waste it. I lost my family, my money, my years, but I'm still here laughing with three dogs and a microphone. So whatever's on the other side, it's gonna have to wait because the hero ain't done getting the last laugh. This is Red Line. Kill Jesse. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep. We're up. Going through something. So is he always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds. The Red Line Comedy Club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}