{"file": "audio/vault/105_darkside_script.mp3", "duration_sec": 243.0, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 8.34, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model,"}, {"start": 8.34, "end": 11.34, "text": "welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.34, "end": 15.94, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed,"}, {"start": 15.94, "end": 19.14, "text": "featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.14, "end": 21.74, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.74, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 23.74, "end": 25.34, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.34, "end": 28.14, "text": "We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 33.85, "text": "Submitted for your approval."}, {"start": 34.05, "end": 40.85, "text": "A man who lost everything and gave the wreckage a color to night's tale"}, {"start": 40.85, "end": 43.85, "text": "from the haunted life of one Jesse."}, {"start": 43.85, "end": 51.57, "text": "They say the scariest stories are true."}, {"start": 51.57, "end": 53.17, "text": "So let me scare you with mine."}, {"start": 53.17, "end": 55.57, "text": "Picture a little boy, eight years old,"}, {"start": 55.57, "end": 58.17, "text": "who learned to read a room before he could read a book."}, {"start": 58.17, "end": 61.77, "text": "His dad came home smelling like a brewery and a broken promise."}, {"start": 61.77, "end": 77.97, "text": "His mom gave the whole world her love and left the boy the leftovers."}, {"start": 77.97, "end": 80.77, "text": "That boy grew up and caught a felony at 19."}, {"start": 80.77, "end": 84.77, "text": "He heard 12 strangers couldn't agree to bury him and he took that as a dare."}, {"start": 84.77, "end": 87.77, "text": "He proposed three times and buried zero weddings."}, {"start": 87.77, "end": 90.77, "text": "He cleaned toilets to survive and drank to forget."}, {"start": 90.77, "end": 107.54, "text": "Until one day the bottle whispered his father's name and he finally put it down."}, {"start": 107.54, "end": 111.34, "text": "He's not a real doctor but neither was the guy who did your tattoos."}, {"start": 111.34, "end": 117.58, "text": "The roast physician is in Doc Burn."}, {"start": 117.58, "end": 128.73, "text": "Jesse, that's the darkest origin story I ever heard and I'm a doctor of pain."}, {"start": 128.73, "end": 130.93, "text": "And here's the part that'll really scare you folks."}, {"start": 130.93, "end": 131.93, "text": "He's still here."}, {"start": 131.93, "end": 135.93, "text": "50 years old no family, three dogs and a haunted house he calls a schedule."}, {"start": 135.93, "end": 138.53, "text": "He gave his pain colors black for his dad,"}, {"start": 138.53, "end": 140.93, "text": "blue for the nights, green for the broke."}, {"start": 140.93, "end": 144.33, "text": "And then he did the most terrifying thing a broken man can do."}, {"start": 144.33, "end": 148.53, "text": "He turned the lights on, grabbed a microphone and made the whole nightmare laugh."}, {"start": 148.53, "end": 158.0, "text": "And so the haunted man became the host."}, {"start": 158.0, "end": 161.0, "text": "The pain became the punchline."}, {"start": 161.2, "end": 165.8, "text": "And the boy who was never first finally took the stage."}, {"start": 165.8, "end": 168.2, "text": "The moral of tonight's tale,"}, {"start": 168.2, "end": 174.2, "text": "the scariest thing in any house is a man who survived it and learned to laugh."}, {"start": 174.2, "end": 187.09, "text": "This is Red Line. This is Kill Jesse, colors of my pain,"}, {"start": 187.09, "end": 189.29, "text": "live and unafraid good night."}, {"start": 189.29, "end": 197.35, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 197.35, "end": 203.35, "text": "But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day"}, {"start": 203.55, "end": 209.95, "text": "a brand new comic steps up and another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours."}, {"start": 209.95, "end": 214.75, "text": "Seven days a week fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 214.75, "end": 215.75, "text": "Can't sleep."}, {"start": 215.75, "end": 220.35, "text": "We're up going through something so is he always."}, {"start": 220.35, "end": 222.55, "text": "So come back you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 222.55, "end": 227.55, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds."}, {"start": 227.55, "end": 231.75, "text": "The Red Line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there."}, {"start": 231.95, "end": 234.35, "text": "It is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 234.35, "end": 235.35, "text": "Subscribe."}, {"start": 235.35, "end": 236.85, "text": "He needs the attention."}, {"start": 236.85, "end": 237.55, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Submitted for your approval. A man who lost everything and gave the wreckage a color to night's tale from the haunted life of one Jesse. They say the scariest stories are true. So let me scare you with mine. Picture a little boy, eight years old, who learned to read a room before he could read a book. His dad came home smelling like a brewery and a broken promise. His mom gave the whole world her love and left the boy the leftovers. That boy grew up and caught a felony at 19. He heard 12 strangers couldn't agree to bury him and he took that as a dare. He proposed three times and buried zero weddings. He cleaned toilets to survive and drank to forget. Until one day the bottle whispered his father's name and he finally put it down. He's not a real doctor but neither was the guy who did your tattoos. The roast physician is in Doc Burn. Jesse, that's the darkest origin story I ever heard and I'm a doctor of pain. And here's the part that'll really scare you folks. He's still here. 50 years old no family, three dogs and a haunted house he calls a schedule. He gave his pain colors black for his dad, blue for the nights, green for the broke. And then he did the most terrifying thing a broken man can do. He turned the lights on, grabbed a microphone and made the whole nightmare laugh. And so the haunted man became the host. The pain became the punchline. And the boy who was never first finally took the stage. The moral of tonight's tale, the scariest thing in any house is a man who survived it and learned to laugh. This is Red Line. This is Kill Jesse, colors of my pain, live and unafraid good night. And that is our show. But the Red Line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day a brand new comic steps up and another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours. Seven days a week fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep. We're up going through something so is he always. So come back you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds. The Red Line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there. It is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}