{"file": "audio/vault/102_creepcats_script.mp3", "duration_sec": 134.9, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 5.12, "text": "Welcome to the creep show, Red Line's darkest hour, where my real job is the real horror."}, {"start": 5.12, "end": 7.68, "text": "Last night I cleaned a house with four cats."}, {"start": 7.68, "end": 9.2, "text": "Four, cats."}, {"start": 9.2, "end": 13.2, "text": "The amount of hair in that house I didn't need a vacuum I needed an exorcist."}, {"start": 13.2, "end": 16.64, "text": "There was so much fur on that couch I thought the couch was breathing."}, {"start": 16.64, "end": 36.98, "text": "I vacuumed for an hour and the bag filled up like I was harvesting a fifth cat."}, {"start": 36.98, "end": 41.06, "text": "You ever pull a hair ball out of a drain so big it makes eye contact?"}, {"start": 41.06, "end": 44.5, "text": "These cats shed so much the owner doesn't have pets."}, {"start": 44.58, "end": 46.42, "text": "She's got a fur farm with an attitude."}, {"start": 63.66, "end": 65.58, "text": "Jesse, four cats in that much hair."}, {"start": 65.58, "end": 68.22, "text": "That's not a home. That's a crime scene with whiskers."}, {"start": 75.01, "end": 77.17, "text": "And the cats just watch me clean."}, {"start": 77.17, "end": 82.61, "text": "Judging, like four little furry landlords, one of them sat on the exact spot I just vacuumed"}, {"start": 82.61, "end": 84.85, "text": "looked me dead in the eye and shed on purpose."}, {"start": 96.85, "end": 101.25, "text": "Jesse, you didn't clean a house. You lost a wall to four cats in a swiffer."}, {"start": 107.09, "end": 108.61, "text": "And here's the lesson folks."}, {"start": 108.61, "end": 111.01, "text": "Some houses you don't clean, you just survive."}, {"start": 111.01, "end": 114.21, "text": "Four cats taught me more about futility than my three marriages."}, {"start": 114.21, "end": 119.33, "text": "The hair grows back, the cats don't care and the hero still shows up with a vacuum and a dream."}, {"start": 119.33, "end": 123.41, "text": "This is Red Line. This is The Creep Show. Kill Jesse."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nWelcome to the creep show, Red Line's darkest hour, where my real job is the real horror. Last night I cleaned a house with four cats. Four, cats. The amount of hair in that house I didn't need a vacuum I needed an exorcist. There was so much fur on that couch I thought the couch was breathing. I vacuumed for an hour and the bag filled up like I was harvesting a fifth cat. You ever pull a hair ball out of a drain so big it makes eye contact? These cats shed so much the owner doesn't have pets. She's got a fur farm with an attitude. Jesse, four cats in that much hair. That's not a home. That's a crime scene with whiskers. And the cats just watch me clean. Judging, like four little furry landlords, one of them sat on the exact spot I just vacuumed looked me dead in the eye and shed on purpose. Jesse, you didn't clean a house. You lost a wall to four cats in a swiffer. And here's the lesson folks. Some houses you don't clean, you just survive. Four cats taught me more about futility than my three marriages. The hair grows back, the cats don't care and the hero still shows up with a vacuum and a dream. This is Red Line. This is The Creep Show. Kill Jesse.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}