{"file": "audio/vault/09_jesse_squad_roasts.mp3", "duration_sec": 160.0, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.84, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 2.84, "end": 5.54, "text": "Adults only, no kids, no mercy."}, {"start": 5.54, "end": 8.24, "text": "For 15 years, one show ruled comedy."}, {"start": 8.24, "end": 10.24, "text": "Tonight, we come for the crown."}, {"start": 10.24, "end": 13.88, "text": "This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer"}, {"start": 13.88, "end": 16.68, "text": "24 hours a day, seven days a week."}, {"start": 16.68, "end": 20.42, "text": "We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years."}, {"start": 20.42, "end": 24.12, "text": "Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh."}, {"start": 24.12, "end": 25.36, "text": "Jesse."}, {"start": 25.36, "end": 28.32, "text": "Welcome to the Squads' House, you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 28.32, "end": 31.6, "text": "Tonight, it's my team, me, my main man on the Mike Trailer guy"}, {"start": 31.6, "end": 33.2, "text": "and Jerry the Italian."}, {"start": 33.2, "end": 35.92, "text": "And we are here to roast every comic in this building."}, {"start": 35.92, "end": 39.12, "text": "Because at Red Line, the hero always gets the last laugh."}, {"start": 39.12, "end": 40.28, "text": "And that's me."}, {"start": 40.28, "end": 46.38, "text": "Bring out the first victim, Mickey."}, {"start": 46.38, "end": 47.22, "text": "I'm Mickey."}, {"start": 47.22, "end": 50.26, "text": "I'm on every dating app and band from two."}, {"start": 50.26, "end": 52.9, "text": "My love life is like my phone battery."}, {"start": 52.9, "end": 65.22, "text": "Always at 1% and nobody's got a charger."}, {"start": 65.22, "end": 68.06, "text": "Mickey, you got the romantic range of a vending machine."}, {"start": 68.06, "end": 75.14, "text": "You take their money and give them nothing."}, {"start": 75.18, "end": 77.54, "text": "And let the record show, Mickey's dating profile"}, {"start": 77.54, "end": 87.5, "text": "has been reported more times than a stolen car."}, {"start": 87.5, "end": 88.98, "text": "And that's three on one, Mickey."}, {"start": 88.98, "end": 90.34, "text": "Welcome to the Squad."}, {"start": 90.34, "end": 93.06, "text": "Next victim, Queen Stank."}, {"start": 93.06, "end": 94.3, "text": "I'm Queen Stank."}, {"start": 94.3, "end": 95.5, "text": "And I don't need a man."}, {"start": 95.5, "end": 101.05, "text": "I need a refund on the last four."}, {"start": 101.05, "end": 102.41, "text": "Queen, you've been single so long,"}, {"start": 102.41, "end": 110.3, "text": "your last date paid in cash in a pager."}, {"start": 110.3, "end": 119.38, "text": "Queen Stank, the only woman who's read flags formed a conga line."}, {"start": 119.38, "end": 121.34, "text": "But here's my last word, Queen."}, {"start": 121.34, "end": 123.54, "text": "You and me both got left by everybody."}, {"start": 123.54, "end": 125.54, "text": "The difference is I made mine a business."}, {"start": 125.54, "end": 128.94, "text": "And that folks is why the hero always gets the last laugh."}, {"start": 128.94, "end": 129.9, "text": "I'm Jesse."}, {"start": 129.9, "end": 131.14, "text": "This is my squad."}, {"start": 131.14, "end": 138.41, "text": "This is Red Line."}, {"start": 138.41, "end": 139.73, "text": "That's our show."}, {"start": 139.73, "end": 140.97, "text": "But we never stop."}, {"start": 140.97, "end": 145.53, "text": "New comedy 24-7 and a two-hour kill-jessie special four times a month."}, {"start": 145.53, "end": 148.73, "text": "We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days."}, {"start": 148.73, "end": 150.77, "text": "So come back tomorrow and the day after."}, {"start": 150.77, "end": 153.57, "text": "Because at Red Line, the carnival never closes."}, {"start": 153.57, "end": 156.45, "text": "Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend."}, {"start": 156.45, "end": 158.17, "text": "This is bombed.app."}, {"start": 158.17, "end": 159.81, "text": "Good night and stay unhinged."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLadies and gentlemen, welcome to Red Line Comedy Club. Adults only, no kids, no mercy. For 15 years, one show ruled comedy. Tonight, we come for the crown. This is Kill Jesse, built by Jesse Salis on a supercomputer 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We're doing in 60 days what took them 15 years. Now give it up for the man who bet his whole life on a laugh. Jesse. Welcome to the Squads' House, you beautiful degenerates. Tonight, it's my team, me, my main man on the Mike Trailer guy and Jerry the Italian. And we are here to roast every comic in this building. Because at Red Line, the hero always gets the last laugh. And that's me. Bring out the first victim, Mickey. I'm Mickey. I'm on every dating app and band from two. My love life is like my phone battery. Always at 1% and nobody's got a charger. Mickey, you got the romantic range of a vending machine. You take their money and give them nothing. And let the record show, Mickey's dating profile has been reported more times than a stolen car. And that's three on one, Mickey. Welcome to the Squad. Next victim, Queen Stank. I'm Queen Stank. And I don't need a man. I need a refund on the last four. Queen, you've been single so long, your last date paid in cash in a pager. Queen Stank, the only woman who's read flags formed a conga line. But here's my last word, Queen. You and me both got left by everybody. The difference is I made mine a business. And that folks is why the hero always gets the last laugh. I'm Jesse. This is my squad. This is Red Line. That's our show. But we never stop. New comedy 24-7 and a two-hour kill-jessie special four times a month. We are beating 15 years of comedy in less than 60 days. So come back tomorrow and the day after. Because at Red Line, the carnival never closes. Subscribe, share, and tell your filthiest friend. This is bombed.app. Good night and stay unhinged.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}