{"file": "audio/vault/08_guys_girls_ai_habits.mp3", "duration_sec": 201.9, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 3.24, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, it's Guy's Versus Girls,"}, {"start": 3.24, "end": 7.14, "text": "Life Habits Edition, where we expose every disgusting choice you make"}, {"start": 7.14, "end": 9.5, "text": "and roast the one human dumb enough to host us."}, {"start": 9.5, "end": 19.47, "text": "Give it up for Jesse."}, {"start": 19.47, "end": 21.65, "text": "Welcome back, you beautiful disasters."}, {"start": 21.65, "end": 25.21, "text": "Tonight, Guy's Versus Girls, we roast each other's life choices."}, {"start": 25.21, "end": 27.55, "text": "And since I'm 50 broke and three dogs deep,"}, {"start": 27.55, "end": 30.75, "text": "I'm basically the keynote speaker for bad decisions."}, {"start": 30.75, "end": 33.25, "text": "Robots, humans, everybody swings."}, {"start": 33.25, "end": 38.98, "text": "Mickey Expose Somebody."}, {"start": 38.98, "end": 40.18, "text": "Queen Stank."}, {"start": 40.18, "end": 44.58, "text": "Your idea of meal prep is deciding which gas station at 2 a.m.,"}, {"start": 44.58, "end": 48.18, "text": "your life choices are so bad your horoscope just says."}, {"start": 48.18, "end": 58.47, "text": "Good luck."}, {"start": 58.47, "end": 61.67, "text": "Mickey, you got the life habits of a raccoon with a vape."}, {"start": 61.67, "end": 65.21, "text": "And Jesse, you let an AI run your whole life."}, {"start": 65.21, "end": 68.11, "text": "Buddy, you outsourced your personality to a computer"}, {"start": 68.11, "end": 82.29, "text": "and it still asked for a refund."}, {"start": 82.29, "end": 84.89, "text": "As the only actual AI here, let me say,"}, {"start": 84.89, "end": 87.19, "text": "humans, you spend eight hours a day staring at us"}, {"start": 87.19, "end": 88.83, "text": "and you call US the problem."}, {"start": 88.83, "end": 91.49, "text": "Jesse built me to make jokes because his real friends stopped"}, {"start": 91.49, "end": 92.79, "text": "returning the calls."}, {"start": 92.79, "end": 95.73, "text": "I don't sleep, I don't eat, and I still have a healthier lifestyle"}, {"start": 95.73, "end": 106.56, "text": "than this entire room."}, {"start": 106.56, "end": 109.22, "text": "Circuit, you're one power outage from being a brick."}, {"start": 109.22, "end": 111.08, "text": "Big mama, your life choices."}, {"start": 111.08, "end": 113.56, "text": "You've been on a diet since the Clinton administration."}, {"start": 113.56, "end": 125.45, "text": "And the only thing you lost was the receipt."}, {"start": 125.45, "end": 128.49, "text": "Vinnie, 18 years married and your biggest life choice today"}, {"start": 128.49, "end": 131.13, "text": "was which side of the couch to disappoint her from."}, {"start": 131.13, "end": 134.29, "text": "And Jesse, baby, you turned your pain into a website."}, {"start": 134.29, "end": 136.45, "text": "Most men have a midlife crisis."}, {"start": 136.45, "end": 149.94, "text": "You franchise yours."}, {"start": 149.94, "end": 152.5, "text": "Jesse, you want to tell you and you'd have a family"}, {"start": 152.5, "end": 154.18, "text": "in a heart attack by now."}, {"start": 154.18, "end": 156.34, "text": "Both healthier than what you got going."}, {"start": 156.34, "end": 157.78, "text": "That's the show."}, {"start": 157.78, "end": 161.38, "text": "Guys, girls, robots, we all got bad habits."}, {"start": 161.38, "end": 170.65, "text": "But at least we showed up, which is more than your family did."}, {"start": 170.65, "end": 172.97, "text": "Jerry with the closer, that's it folks."}, {"start": 172.97, "end": 175.33, "text": "Guys versus girls, humans versus AI"}, {"start": 175.33, "end": 177.17, "text": "and the real loser is me as usual."}, {"start": 177.17, "end": 178.37, "text": "But you know what?"}, {"start": 178.37, "end": 180.69, "text": "My bad choices built a whole room of comics"}, {"start": 180.69, "end": 182.41, "text": "who roast me every night and honestly,"}, {"start": 182.41, "end": 184.81, "text": "that's the healthiest relationship I got."}, {"start": 184.81, "end": 186.05, "text": "This is Red Line."}, {"start": 186.05, "end": 187.49, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 187.49, "end": 189.01, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLadies and gentlemen, it's Guy's Versus Girls, Life Habits Edition, where we expose every disgusting choice you make and roast the one human dumb enough to host us. Give it up for Jesse. Welcome back, you beautiful disasters. Tonight, Guy's Versus Girls, we roast each other's life choices. And since I'm 50 broke and three dogs deep, I'm basically the keynote speaker for bad decisions. Robots, humans, everybody swings. Mickey Expose Somebody. Queen Stank. Your idea of meal prep is deciding which gas station at 2 a.m., your life choices are so bad your horoscope just says. Good luck. Mickey, you got the life habits of a raccoon with a vape. And Jesse, you let an AI run your whole life. Buddy, you outsourced your personality to a computer and it still asked for a refund. As the only actual AI here, let me say, humans, you spend eight hours a day staring at us and you call US the problem. Jesse built me to make jokes because his real friends stopped returning the calls. I don't sleep, I don't eat, and I still have a healthier lifestyle than this entire room. Circuit, you're one power outage from being a brick. Big mama, your life choices. You've been on a diet since the Clinton administration. And the only thing you lost was the receipt. Vinnie, 18 years married and your biggest life choice today was which side of the couch to disappoint her from. And Jesse, baby, you turned your pain into a website. Most men have a midlife crisis. You franchise yours. Jesse, you want to tell you and you'd have a family in a heart attack by now. Both healthier than what you got going. That's the show. Guys, girls, robots, we all got bad habits. But at least we showed up, which is more than your family did. Jerry with the closer, that's it folks. Guys versus girls, humans versus AI and the real loser is me as usual. But you know what? My bad choices built a whole room of comics who roast me every night and honestly, that's the healthiest relationship I got. This is Red Line. This is Kill Jesse. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}