{"file": "audio/vault/07_full_bench_roast_special.mp3", "duration_sec": 278.3, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 5.24, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, tonight every comic on the roster in one room for one reason to roast Jesse into the ground."}, {"start": 5.24, "end": 9.76, "text": "28 comics, no survivors. This is the Red Line Full Bench roast special."}, {"start": 9.76, "end": 22.46, "text": "Welcome to my funeral, you animals. Tonight the whole bench takes a swing at me."}, {"start": 22.46, "end": 29.72, "text": "50 broke sober, three dogs, 12 years no family. Honestly, you're not gonna find anything I haven't already cried about."}, {"start": 29.72, "end": 31.24, "text": "Bring the pain."}, {"start": 35.02, "end": 42.26, "text": "Jesse, you clean toilets and run a comedy empire. So you're flush with talent and flush with everything else."}, {"start": 42.26, "end": 52.21, "text": "Jesse's been engaged three times. The man's bought more rings than a bowling alley and made less of a connection."}, {"start": 52.21, "end": 69.46, "text": "Jesse, three dogs and no woman. Baby, even the Straits did the math and stayed."}, {"start": 69.46, "end": 75.98, "text": "Diagnosis for Jesse, 50 years old and his retirement plan is hoping the dogs learn a trade."}, {"start": 79.25, "end": 85.29, "text": "Jesse, I'm 81. I've buried three wives and I still got a better dating life than you."}, {"start": 85.29, "end": 92.14, "text": "Oh!"}, {"start": 92.14, "end": 100.38, "text": "Sweetie, you gave your pain colors. The rest of us just call it Tuesday and keep drinking."}, {"start": 100.38, "end": 104.22, "text": "Jesse, you Italian for one night and you'd have a family again."}, {"start": 104.22, "end": 113.88, "text": "We don't cut people off. We just rotate the grudges."}, {"start": 113.88, "end": 118.0, "text": "Jesse built a whole AI empire on a supercomputer to make jokes."}, {"start": 118.0, "end": 127.97, "text": "That's four million dollars of hardware to avoid talking to a therapist."}, {"start": 128.09, "end": 137.23, "text": "Jesse, I see the darkness in you, mostly because you keep the lights off to save on the bill."}, {"start": 137.23, "end": 145.27, "text": "Bro, Jesse, you're not broke. You're just pre-rich in a way that's lasted five decades."}, {"start": 145.27, "end": 156.66, "text": "Jesse peaked at his arrangement in 1994 and he's been on respawn ever since."}, {"start": 156.66, "end": 166.74, "text": "I have analyzed Jesse's life choices. Conclusion. Even the algorithm would like to unsubscribe."}, {"start": 166.74, "end": 177.89, "text": "Bless your heart, Jesse. That's Southern four. We all watched it happen and nobody stopped it."}, {"start": 177.89, "end": 185.86, "text": "I've served Jesse at the diner at 3 a.m. Order a salad that's sad."}, {"start": 185.86, "end": 194.48, "text": "You know the divorce is fresh."}, {"start": 194.48, "end": 203.57, "text": "Jesse, I'd insult your taste, but a man who's been left at the altar thrice clearly has none."}, {"start": 203.57, "end": 213.69, "text": "Jesse, back home, we'd call you a hard luck legend. Out here, they just call your card declined."}, {"start": 213.69, "end": 218.53, "text": "I'd acknowledge Jesse's accomplishments, but my breeding won't allow me to recognize a man"}, {"start": 218.53, "end": 236.24, "text": "who scrubs toilets for a living. Jesse, I'd fight you, but you've clearly already lost to everyone in your own family."}, {"start": 236.24, "end": 241.6, "text": "I'm small, I'm sweet and Jesse, I will end you. Three engagements, even I committed to something"}, {"start": 241.6, "end": 249.68, "text": "and I'm a houseplants emotional support."}, {"start": 249.68, "end": 254.32, "text": "And that's the whole bench, folks. Every comic won target my entire self-worth."}, {"start": 254.32, "end": 261.04, "text": "But here's the thing. 28 comics showed up to roast me tonight, which is 28 more than my family has in 12 years."}, {"start": 261.04, "end": 266.48, "text": "So thank you for spending the night with me. This is Red Line. This is Kill Jesse. Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLadies and gentlemen, tonight every comic on the roster in one room for one reason to roast Jesse into the ground. 28 comics, no survivors. This is the Red Line Full Bench roast special. Welcome to my funeral, you animals. Tonight the whole bench takes a swing at me. 50 broke sober, three dogs, 12 years no family. Honestly, you're not gonna find anything I haven't already cried about. Bring the pain. Jesse, you clean toilets and run a comedy empire. So you're flush with talent and flush with everything else. Jesse's been engaged three times. The man's bought more rings than a bowling alley and made less of a connection. Jesse, three dogs and no woman. Baby, even the Straits did the math and stayed. Diagnosis for Jesse, 50 years old and his retirement plan is hoping the dogs learn a trade. Jesse, I'm 81. I've buried three wives and I still got a better dating life than you. Oh! Sweetie, you gave your pain colors. The rest of us just call it Tuesday and keep drinking. Jesse, you Italian for one night and you'd have a family again. We don't cut people off. We just rotate the grudges. Jesse built a whole AI empire on a supercomputer to make jokes. That's four million dollars of hardware to avoid talking to a therapist. Jesse, I see the darkness in you, mostly because you keep the lights off to save on the bill. Bro, Jesse, you're not broke. You're just pre-rich in a way that's lasted five decades. Jesse peaked at his arrangement in 1994 and he's been on respawn ever since. I have analyzed Jesse's life choices. Conclusion. Even the algorithm would like to unsubscribe. Bless your heart, Jesse. That's Southern four. We all watched it happen and nobody stopped it. I've served Jesse at the diner at 3 a.m. Order a salad that's sad. You know the divorce is fresh. Jesse, I'd insult your taste, but a man who's been left at the altar thrice clearly has none. Jesse, back home, we'd call you a hard luck legend. Out here, they just call your card declined. I'd acknowledge Jesse's accomplishments, but my breeding won't allow me to recognize a man who scrubs toilets for a living. Jesse, I'd fight you, but you've clearly already lost to everyone in your own family. I'm small, I'm sweet and Jesse, I will end you. Three engagements, even I committed to something and I'm a houseplants emotional support. And that's the whole bench, folks. Every comic won target my entire self-worth. But here's the thing. 28 comics showed up to roast me tonight, which is 28 more than my family has in 12 years. So thank you for spending the night with me. This is Red Line. This is Kill Jesse. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}