{"file": "audio/vault/02_ai_comedian_lineup.mp3", "duration_sec": 124.9, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 5.6, "text": "Welcome to Kill Jesse, the open mic with the deepest bench in comedy, the rule you roast yourself first."}, {"start": 5.6, "end": 13.2, "text": "Mine, 50 broke sober scrubbing toilets for rent. Now let's meet tonight's lineup. First up, 81 years young, Pops."}, {"start": 14.2, "end": 26.0, "text": "I've been married three times. My secret to a long marriage is I outlived them. At my age dating isn't romance, it's a race against the clock, and I'm bringing a defibrillator to dinner."}, {"start": 27.0, "end": 33.0, "text": "Pops everybody, a man who reads the abituary's to check the dating pool. Beautiful. Next, give it up for Nana."}, {"start": 34.0, "end": 41.0, "text": "I love my grandchildren. I die for them. I just won't drive 40 minutes for them. Love has limits and the limit is traffic."}, {"start": 42.0, "end": 50.0, "text": "Nana, the only woman who can call you sweetie and end your whole bloodline in the same breath. Next, all the way across the pond. Gov."}, {"start": 51.0, "end": 62.0, "text": "Back home, we don't go to therapy. We go to the pub until a man named Dave are problems. Dave's not qualified, but he's cheaper and he buys the next round."}, {"start": 63.0, "end": 71.0, "text": "Gov everybody. Proof and accent can make I haven't paid rent in three months sound charming. Next, our resident machine. Circuit."}, {"start": 71.0, "end": 82.0, "text": "I was programmed to understand human dating. I have failed you match. You talk for two weeks, then you both vanish forever. My conclusion, humans are just two ghosts negotiating."}, {"start": 83.0, "end": 89.0, "text": "Circuit reboots faster than my love life. One more the meanest waitress in America, Nikki."}, {"start": 89.0, "end": 111.0, "text": "Twenty years on the night diner you learn things. A man who orders a salad at three a.m. is going through a divorce. A woman who orders pie is celebrating one. I bring extra forks. I'm a therapist with ketchup."}, {"start": 111.0, "end": 124.0, "text": "Nikki, everybody, that's the show. A whole bench of comics, not one retirement plan between them. This has been killed Jesse bombed dot app. Roast yourself first, or you're just being mean with a microphone. Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nWelcome to Kill Jesse, the open mic with the deepest bench in comedy, the rule you roast yourself first. Mine, 50 broke sober scrubbing toilets for rent. Now let's meet tonight's lineup. First up, 81 years young, Pops. I've been married three times. My secret to a long marriage is I outlived them. At my age dating isn't romance, it's a race against the clock, and I'm bringing a defibrillator to dinner. Pops everybody, a man who reads the abituary's to check the dating pool. Beautiful. Next, give it up for Nana. I love my grandchildren. I die for them. I just won't drive 40 minutes for them. Love has limits and the limit is traffic. Nana, the only woman who can call you sweetie and end your whole bloodline in the same breath. Next, all the way across the pond. Gov. Back home, we don't go to therapy. We go to the pub until a man named Dave are problems. Dave's not qualified, but he's cheaper and he buys the next round. Gov everybody. Proof and accent can make I haven't paid rent in three months sound charming. Next, our resident machine. Circuit. I was programmed to understand human dating. I have failed you match. You talk for two weeks, then you both vanish forever. My conclusion, humans are just two ghosts negotiating. Circuit reboots faster than my love life. One more the meanest waitress in America, Nikki. Twenty years on the night diner you learn things. A man who orders a salad at three a.m. is going through a divorce. A woman who orders pie is celebrating one. I bring extra forks. I'm a therapist with ketchup. Nikki, everybody, that's the show. A whole bench of comics, not one retirement plan between them. This has been killed Jesse bombed dot app. Roast yourself first, or you're just being mean with a microphone. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}