{"file": "audio/story-vault/A90_my-ai-needs-probation.mp3", "duration_sec": 230.5, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 5.8, "text": "I built AI to help me make better decisions and now I need a meeting with human resources."}, {"start": 5.8, "end": 8.64, "text": "That is a problem because I am human resources."}, {"start": 8.64, "end": 10.24, "text": "I got bombed."}, {"start": 10.24, "end": 16.48, "text": "App judging comedy, DGX spark making content, clawed code, acting like a project manager,"}, {"start": 16.48, "end": 19.64, "text": "and me sitting there at 50 something years old like."}, {"start": 19.64, "end": 22.76, "text": "Somehow I became the intern in my own company."}, {"start": 22.76, "end": 24.2, "text": "That is a humbling day."}, {"start": 24.2, "end": 27.04, "text": "I used to think AI was going to take jobs."}, {"start": 27.04, "end": 29.8, "text": "Now I think AI is going to take excuses."}, {"start": 29.8, "end": 32.64, "text": "That is worse, jobs you can replace."}, {"start": 32.64, "end": 34.28, "text": "Excuses are family heirlooms."}, {"start": 34.28, "end": 37.12, "text": "I told the machine help me build a comedy business."}, {"start": 37.12, "end": 42.32, "text": "It said great first we need scripts, audio titles, thumbnails, ratings, logs, delivery,"}, {"start": 42.32, "end": 44.28, "text": "follow up and consistency."}, {"start": 44.28, "end": 45.72, "text": "I said hold on."}, {"start": 45.72, "end": 49.0, "text": "I was hoping you would say take a nap and call it branding."}, {"start": 49.0, "end": 52.04, "text": "AI does not respect the red personality."}, {"start": 52.04, "end": 54.76, "text": "In the four colors system, red is the protector."}, {"start": 54.76, "end": 56.16, "text": "Red moves first."}, {"start": 56.16, "end": 57.68, "text": "Red says I got it."}, {"start": 57.68, "end": 59.32, "text": "Red carries the room."}, {"start": 59.32, "end": 63.4, "text": "Red also opens 16 projects before lunch and calls it strategy."}, {"start": 63.4, "end": 66.96, "text": "AI looks at red and says sir this is not strategy."}, {"start": 66.96, "end": 71.12, "text": "This is a garage sale with passwords that hurt because it was accurate."}, {"start": 71.12, "end": 72.12, "text": "Bombed."}, {"start": 72.12, "end": 76.24, "text": "App is supposed to roast the joke, not perform a wellness check on my calendar."}, {"start": 76.24, "end": 78.28, "text": "I will put in a bit about cleaning houses."}, {"start": 78.28, "end": 82.56, "text": "AI, childhood pain, money pressure, the whole mess and bombed."}, {"start": 82.56, "end": 86.12, "text": "App comes back like this has potential but your setup is wandering."}, {"start": 86.12, "end": 88.12, "text": "My setup is not wandering."}, {"start": 88.12, "end": 90.92, "text": "My setup has trauma with a driver's license."}, {"start": 90.92, "end": 94.24, "text": "The problem with AI is it remembers what you said."}, {"start": 94.24, "end": 95.68, "text": "Humans are polite."}, {"start": 95.68, "end": 100.12, "text": "Humans let you pretend you never said I am going to post three videos a day, build a course,"}, {"start": 100.12, "end": 105.52, "text": "launch an app, fix the website, write the memoir and follow up with prospects before dinner."}, {"start": 105.52, "end": 107.28, "text": "AI saves that."}, {"start": 107.28, "end": 109.76, "text": "Then the next day it says good morning Jesse."}, {"start": 109.76, "end": 110.76, "text": "Did we do the thing?"}, {"start": 110.76, "end": 111.76, "text": "Who is we?"}, {"start": 111.76, "end": 115.88, "text": "I am the one with the broom, the bills, the clients, the dogs staring at me in a super"}, {"start": 115.88, "end": 119.2, "text": "computer in the corner acting like my parole officer."}, {"start": 119.2, "end": 121.32, "text": "I cannot even lie to the machine right."}, {"start": 121.32, "end": 123.44, "text": "I say I was doing research."}, {"start": 123.44, "end": 127.84, "text": "It says you watch 12 videos about microphone stands that was research."}, {"start": 127.84, "end": 129.68, "text": "I am a creator."}, {"start": 129.68, "end": 134.4, "text": "Creator means you can spend two hours choosing the perfect tool to avoid making the thing."}, {"start": 134.4, "end": 136.24, "text": "That is why I need bombed."}, {"start": 136.24, "end": 137.24, "text": "App."}, {"start": 137.24, "end": 139.8, "text": "It does not care about my emotional backstory."}, {"start": 139.8, "end": 141.96, "text": "It just says punch line week."}, {"start": 141.96, "end": 142.96, "text": "Tighten the middle."}, {"start": 142.96, "end": 147.36, "text": "Explaining like you are negotiating with a client who asked if the deep clean includes"}, {"start": 147.36, "end": 150.28, "text": "the ceiling fan from 1998."}, {"start": 150.28, "end": 154.12, "text": "And honestly that is useful because my brain is a committee."}, {"start": 154.12, "end": 155.72, "text": "Red wants to move."}, {"start": 155.72, "end": 157.4, "text": "Green wants to analyze."}, {"start": 157.4, "end": 159.56, "text": "Blue wants everybody to like it."}, {"start": 159.56, "end": 161.36, "text": "Yellow wants to make it fun."}, {"start": 161.36, "end": 166.12, "text": "The four colors are all in my head having a meeting and nobody brought an agenda."}, {"start": 166.12, "end": 168.44, "text": "AI walks in like here is the agenda."}, {"start": 168.44, "end": 169.76, "text": "Make money today."}, {"start": 169.76, "end": 171.68, "text": "Even one relationship today."}, {"start": 171.68, "end": 173.64, "text": "Ship one piece of content today."}, {"start": 173.64, "end": 175.28, "text": "Rude, correct but rude."}, {"start": 175.28, "end": 177.92, "text": "At my age I do not need more motivation."}, {"start": 177.92, "end": 180.16, "text": "I have had motivation."}, {"start": 180.16, "end": 181.64, "text": "Motivation is a drunk cousin."}, {"start": 181.64, "end": 186.12, "text": "It shows up loud, promises everything and disappears when the rent is due."}, {"start": 186.12, "end": 187.68, "text": "I need systems."}, {"start": 187.68, "end": 192.32, "text": "That is the part I hate because systems work even when your mood is acting unemployed."}, {"start": 192.32, "end": 195.96, "text": "So now I have AI making me hourly comedy bits."}, {"start": 195.96, "end": 200.8, "text": "It sounds impressive until you realize I built a machine that nags me creatively."}, {"start": 200.8, "end": 204.24, "text": "Every hour it says here is another joke about your life."}, {"start": 204.24, "end": 205.24, "text": "Thank you robot."}, {"start": 205.24, "end": 207.72, "text": "I was hoping my failures could scale."}, {"start": 207.72, "end": 209.64, "text": "But that is the whole game now."}, {"start": 209.64, "end": 212.08, "text": "Take the mess, score it and bombed."}, {"start": 212.08, "end": 216.52, "text": "App turned it into a bit, turn it into audio, put it in the queue, let Jesse rate it and"}, {"start": 216.52, "end": 220.04, "text": "stop pretending the idea counts before it leaves the house."}, {"start": 220.04, "end": 222.48, "text": "AI is not taking my job."}, {"start": 222.48, "end": 228.52, "text": "AI is standing behind me with a clipboard saying, Jesse, your job is still waiting."}, {"start": 228.52, "end": 230.4, "text": "And the worst part is it is right."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nI built AI to help me make better decisions and now I need a meeting with human resources. That is a problem because I am human resources. I got bombed. App judging comedy, DGX spark making content, clawed code, acting like a project manager, and me sitting there at 50 something years old like. Somehow I became the intern in my own company. That is a humbling day. I used to think AI was going to take jobs. Now I think AI is going to take excuses. That is worse, jobs you can replace. Excuses are family heirlooms. I told the machine help me build a comedy business. It said great first we need scripts, audio titles, thumbnails, ratings, logs, delivery, follow up and consistency. I said hold on. I was hoping you would say take a nap and call it branding. AI does not respect the red personality. In the four colors system, red is the protector. Red moves first. Red says I got it. Red carries the room. Red also opens 16 projects before lunch and calls it strategy. AI looks at red and says sir this is not strategy. This is a garage sale with passwords that hurt because it was accurate. Bombed. App is supposed to roast the joke, not perform a wellness check on my calendar. I will put in a bit about cleaning houses. AI, childhood pain, money pressure, the whole mess and bombed. App comes back like this has potential but your setup is wandering. My setup is not wandering. My setup has trauma with a driver's license. The problem with AI is it remembers what you said. Humans are polite. Humans let you pretend you never said I am going to post three videos a day, build a course, launch an app, fix the website, write the memoir and follow up with prospects before dinner. AI saves that. Then the next day it says good morning Jesse. Did we do the thing? Who is we? I am the one with the broom, the bills, the clients, the dogs staring at me in a super computer in the corner acting like my parole officer. I cannot even lie to the machine right. I say I was doing research. It says you watch 12 videos about microphone stands that was research. I am a creator. Creator means you can spend two hours choosing the perfect tool to avoid making the thing. That is why I need bombed. App. It does not care about my emotional backstory. It just says punch line week. Tighten the middle. Explaining like you are negotiating with a client who asked if the deep clean includes the ceiling fan from 1998. And honestly that is useful because my brain is a committee. Red wants to move. Green wants to analyze. Blue wants everybody to like it. Yellow wants to make it fun. The four colors are all in my head having a meeting and nobody brought an agenda. AI walks in like here is the agenda. Make money today. Even one relationship today. Ship one piece of content today. Rude, correct but rude. At my age I do not need more motivation. I have had motivation. Motivation is a drunk cousin. It shows up loud, promises everything and disappears when the rent is due. I need systems. That is the part I hate because systems work even when your mood is acting unemployed. So now I have AI making me hourly comedy bits. It sounds impressive until you realize I built a machine that nags me creatively. Every hour it says here is another joke about your life. Thank you robot. I was hoping my failures could scale. But that is the whole game now. Take the mess, score it and bombed. App turned it into a bit, turn it into audio, put it in the queue, let Jesse rate it and stop pretending the idea counts before it leaves the house. AI is not taking my job. AI is standing behind me with a clipboard saying, Jesse, your job is still waiting. And the worst part is it is right.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}