{"file": "audio/story-vault/A67_my-memoir-keeps-leaving-voicemails.mp3", "duration_sec": 162.7, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 1.72, "text": "My memoir keeps leaving voice mails."}, {"start": 1.72, "end": 3.64, "text": "I thought writing colors of my pain,"}, {"start": 3.64, "end": 5.96, "text": "man, I was finally putting the past behind me."}, {"start": 5.96, "end": 7.08, "text": "That was cute."}, {"start": 7.08, "end": 8.76, "text": "The past did not leave."}, {"start": 8.76, "end": 10.6, "text": "It just got organized into chapters"}, {"start": 10.6, "end": 12.52, "text": "and started acting professional."}, {"start": 12.52, "end": 15.88, "text": "Now my memories have folders that is not healing,"}, {"start": 15.88, "end": 18.16, "text": "that is trauma with office supplies."}, {"start": 18.16, "end": 20.04, "text": "I will be cleaning a client's kitchen,"}, {"start": 20.04, "end": 23.28, "text": "minding my own business and one smell, one song,"}, {"start": 23.28, "end": 26.36, "text": "one old cabinet handle will tap me on the shoulder like,"}, {"start": 26.36, "end": 27.96, "text": "hey, Jesse, remember that thing"}, {"start": 27.96, "end": 29.68, "text": "you did not want to feel today?"}, {"start": 29.68, "end": 31.2, "text": "No, I do not."}, {"start": 31.2, "end": 33.84, "text": "I have a mop in my hand and an invoice to send,"}, {"start": 33.84, "end": 35.16, "text": "but pain is rude."}, {"start": 35.16, "end": 36.52, "text": "It does not schedule."}, {"start": 36.52, "end": 39.0, "text": "It does not ask if this is a good time."}, {"start": 39.0, "end": 42.12, "text": "Pain calls like a bill collector from your own chest."}, {"start": 42.12, "end": 43.4, "text": "That is why the book is called"}, {"start": 43.4, "end": 44.84, "text": "Colors of My Pain,"}, {"start": 44.84, "end": 48.56, "text": "not Colors of My Perfectly Managed Emotional Calendar."}, {"start": 48.56, "end": 51.08, "text": "The four colors helped me understand people,"}, {"start": 51.08, "end": 54.04, "text": "but they also helped me understand the mess inside me."}, {"start": 54.04, "end": 55.56, "text": "Red wanted to survive."}, {"start": 55.56, "end": 57.28, "text": "Green wanted to explain it."}, {"start": 57.28, "end": 59.76, "text": "Blue wanted to adapt so nobody left."}, {"start": 59.76, "end": 61.68, "text": "Yellow wanted everybody to be okay,"}, {"start": 61.68, "end": 63.24, "text": "even when I was not."}, {"start": 63.24, "end": 65.72, "text": "That is a lot of people living in one 50-year-old"}, {"start": 65.72, "end": 67.56, "text": "business owner with back pain"}, {"start": 67.56, "end": 70.48, "text": "and red always wants to make a lesson too fast."}, {"start": 70.48, "end": 72.44, "text": "Red gets hurt and immediately says,"}, {"start": 72.44, "end": 73.96, "text": "good we can use this."}, {"start": 73.96, "end": 75.36, "text": "Turn it into content."}, {"start": 75.36, "end": 78.72, "text": "Build a site, make a funnel, create an audio series."}, {"start": 78.72, "end": 80.4, "text": "Sometimes my soul is like,"}, {"start": 80.4, "end": 82.52, "text": "can we just be sad for 11 minutes?"}, {"start": 82.52, "end": 85.72, "text": "And red says, absolutely, but can we record it vertically?"}, {"start": 85.72, "end": 88.52, "text": "That is the self-ros, I do not avoid pain"}, {"start": 88.52, "end": 90.24, "text": "by pretending it is gone."}, {"start": 90.24, "end": 92.92, "text": "I avoid pain by giving it a brand identity"}, {"start": 92.92, "end": 94.44, "text": "and a content calendar,"}, {"start": 94.44, "end": 96.52, "text": "but maybe that is not all bad,"}, {"start": 96.52, "end": 99.76, "text": "because when pain sits in the dark, it becomes poison."}, {"start": 99.76, "end": 101.52, "text": "When you put it on stage carefully,"}, {"start": 101.52, "end": 103.2, "text": "it can become a flashlight."}, {"start": 103.2, "end": 105.6, "text": "I am not trying to make victims into jokes."}, {"start": 105.6, "end": 108.4, "text": "I am trying to make my own survival less lonely."}, {"start": 108.4, "end": 109.76, "text": "There is a difference."}, {"start": 109.76, "end": 111.2, "text": "Comedy lets me tell the truth"}, {"start": 111.2, "end": 113.52, "text": "without making everybody sit in a waiting room"}, {"start": 113.52, "end": 115.12, "text": "with fluorescent lights."}, {"start": 115.12, "end": 117.44, "text": "I can say I have been through some things,"}, {"start": 117.44, "end": 119.28, "text": "but also look at me now."}, {"start": 119.28, "end": 121.92, "text": "I survived all that just to argue with a robot"}, {"start": 121.92, "end": 124.92, "text": "about whether my punchline has enough specificity."}, {"start": 124.92, "end": 126.12, "text": "That is life."}, {"start": 126.12, "end": 127.32, "text": "You crawl out of the fire"}, {"start": 127.32, "end": 130.12, "text": "and the reward is paperwork, aging knees"}, {"start": 130.12, "end": 133.4, "text": "and someone asking if you can clean behind the refrigerator."}, {"start": 133.4, "end": 136.6, "text": "The scary part is some chapters still know my number."}, {"start": 136.6, "end": 138.68, "text": "They call when I am tired, when I am winning,"}, {"start": 138.68, "end": 141.08, "text": "when I am trying to act like I am above it."}, {"start": 141.08, "end": 144.32, "text": "That is when I have to tell myself, answer it, learn from it,"}, {"start": 144.32, "end": 146.6, "text": "but do not move it back into the house."}, {"start": 146.6, "end": 149.08, "text": "Colors of my pain keeps leaving voicemails"}, {"start": 149.08, "end": 151.32, "text": "because it is not finished teaching me."}, {"start": 151.32, "end": 153.28, "text": "And maybe the message is simple."}, {"start": 153.28, "end": 156.64, "text": "The past is not gone, but it does not get to drive anymore."}, {"start": 156.64, "end": 159.44, "text": "It can sit in the back seat, behave itself"}, {"start": 159.44, "end": 162.76, "text": "and help me write better jokes on the way to the next job."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nMy memoir keeps leaving voice mails. I thought writing colors of my pain, man, I was finally putting the past behind me. That was cute. The past did not leave. It just got organized into chapters and started acting professional. Now my memories have folders that is not healing, that is trauma with office supplies. I will be cleaning a client's kitchen, minding my own business and one smell, one song, one old cabinet handle will tap me on the shoulder like, hey, Jesse, remember that thing you did not want to feel today? No, I do not. I have a mop in my hand and an invoice to send, but pain is rude. It does not schedule. It does not ask if this is a good time. Pain calls like a bill collector from your own chest. That is why the book is called Colors of My Pain, not Colors of My Perfectly Managed Emotional Calendar. The four colors helped me understand people, but they also helped me understand the mess inside me. Red wanted to survive. Green wanted to explain it. Blue wanted to adapt so nobody left. Yellow wanted everybody to be okay, even when I was not. That is a lot of people living in one 50-year-old business owner with back pain and red always wants to make a lesson too fast. Red gets hurt and immediately says, good we can use this. Turn it into content. Build a site, make a funnel, create an audio series. Sometimes my soul is like, can we just be sad for 11 minutes? And red says, absolutely, but can we record it vertically? That is the self-ros, I do not avoid pain by pretending it is gone. I avoid pain by giving it a brand identity and a content calendar, but maybe that is not all bad, because when pain sits in the dark, it becomes poison. When you put it on stage carefully, it can become a flashlight. I am not trying to make victims into jokes. I am trying to make my own survival less lonely. There is a difference. Comedy lets me tell the truth without making everybody sit in a waiting room with fluorescent lights. I can say I have been through some things, but also look at me now. I survived all that just to argue with a robot about whether my punchline has enough specificity. That is life. You crawl out of the fire and the reward is paperwork, aging knees and someone asking if you can clean behind the refrigerator. The scary part is some chapters still know my number. They call when I am tired, when I am winning, when I am trying to act like I am above it. That is when I have to tell myself, answer it, learn from it, but do not move it back into the house. Colors of my pain keeps leaving voicemails because it is not finished teaching me. And maybe the message is simple. The past is not gone, but it does not get to drive anymore. It can sit in the back seat, behave itself and help me write better jokes on the way to the next job.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}